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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Should I Stop Talking to Him???

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:31 PM
  • 25 Replies

Before I met my husband I was deployed to Afghanistan.  I met a lot of Italian male Soldiers who liked to flirt with the American females and I stayed in touch with some of them.  One was the roommate of a guy I messed around with, and after we had come home, his roommate added me to Facebook.  The roommate (Marco) contacted me and told me that he had been interested in me but hadn't told me because of his roommate.  We used to talk regularly, daily actually, and I started having feelings for him even though he was in Italy and I was back in the States.  When I told him this, he said that I shouldn't feel that way because it was impossible for us to be together so I broke contact with him.  After that, I met my husband.  I hadn't heard anything from Marco for a long time, about a year, and since he was in training for the special forces I figured he was in some place doing something crazy and I would probably not hear from him again.  Out of nowhere, he e-mailed me recently.  I told him I was married and we'd had a child, and nothing has been said that is inappropriate.  He hasn't said anything to me that couldn't be said in front of my husband without giving offense and if my husband saw the e-mails he would have no reason to be upset.  But it FEELS wrong.  I guess I have answered my own question...do you ladies think that you have to cut ties with all guys you ever had a relationship with, physical or emotional, once you are with someone else??

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mjgm1966
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:39 PM

 I don't think you have to cut ties if you can keep things above board and within boundaries.  I had an old friend that I text with, and  told him that all texts had to be spouse and kid friendly if he wanted to text.

furbabymum
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:52 PM

 Yes. If you have to ask then yes.

ColoradoMom86
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:53 PM

If he were to say something inappropriate I would tell him not to contact me again.  I am very loyal to my DH. 

MrsApple
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:53 PM

If it feels wrong to you,then you should stop talking to him.Is it possible that you still have leftover feelings for him and that's why you feel wrong?

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:54 PM

 I don't think you have to cut all ties... but if your gut is telling you it's wrong, then don't do it.

ColoradoMom86
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 5:06 PM

I think I just like knowing that he didn't forget me after all that time and even though all we ever did was talk.  Plus that was a really exciting time in my life and I think I like going back to it in my mind.  

Quoting MrsApple:

If it feels wrong to you,then you should stop talking to him.Is it possible that you still have leftover feelings for him and that's why you feel wrong?


Fayanne
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 5:09 PM

 put yourself in your dh's shoes, and you find he's received contact from a woman in this situation.

 since you feel uncomfortable with it... drop it. You're devling into fantasy land. Do you want dh fantasizing about a former 'interest' ?

ColoradoMom86
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:19 PM

We both have agreed not to stay in touch with exes or people we've slept with, but I was never in a relationship with this guy but it would hurt my feelings if he were in touch with someone he used to like.  

Quoting Fayanne:

 put yourself in your dh's shoes, and you find he's received contact from a woman in this situation.

 since you feel uncomfortable with it... drop it. You're devling into fantasy land. Do you want dh fantasizing about a former 'interest' ?


1L2CMommy
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:27 PM
4 moms liked this
Your doing alot of justifying. Just because you were never in a relationship, and so far you haven't been inappropriate, doesn't mean this wouldn't hurt your DH and your marriage. Is this person worth it? Why don't you tell your DH exactly everything you said here and see what he thinks. Or better yet save everyone, including your kids alot of heartache, and stop emailing him. Just stop. Missed opportunity in the past doesn't always need to be resurrected.
MMerrill
by Melissa on Mar. 31, 2014 at 10:43 PM

I've been in a similar situation before...

I have a childhood friend that I had light feelings for at one point years and years ago, but it never turned into anything and he went off to the Army and I married my husband and had a baby.  

My husband knows that him and I are friends and nothing we ever talk about is ever inappropriate. I just liked talking to him.  I ended up having to distance myself because I almost feel as if I would end up in an emotional affair, although I really have no interest in being with him or being disloyal to my husband.

I had the same feelings you are having, that's when I knew it was wrong.  I ended up wanting just to talk to him more than my own husband, that's also when I knew it was a problem.  We still ocassionally say hello, what's up, etc, but we no longer text all day like we used to.  Now it's sometimes months inbetween short hello's.

I just wanted to nip it in the butt before the opportunity of anything came up (my husband getting mad, emotional affair, etc, etc) if that makes sense.

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