Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

If your ex dropped dead tomorrow...

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:22 PM
  • 107 Replies
2 moms liked this

would you "mourn" him?  I was married to my first DH for 8 years.  He lied and hurt me most of our marriage, and finally cheated on me while we were both in Afghanistan.  That was the final straw, and we separated in the fall of 2012.  I met someone that winter and re-married, and he's since had two girlfriends.  I wanted shared custody of our 7 y/o DS and he fought me, lying in court to make me out to look like a bad mother and capitalizing on the fact that I had a job and he didn't.  He was given majority custody and yes I'll admit I was angry about that.  We only spoke about our son after that, by text or email.  We rarely spoke to one another.  Last month I was at work and I got a call from the police department telling me that my ex had passed away in his sleep, and that I needed to come pick up our DS.  I was shocked, seeing as how I'd just seen him the night before when I dropped off DS, and seeing as how he was healthy and only 29 (they still don't know what happened to him).  In any case, I was very heartbroken for our son, but OUR relationship had been long over, and I admit I was more concerned with what I was going to do with DS while I worked than I was with my ex actually being dead.  I did help my ex-MIL when she flew out here to arrange his funeral and clean out his apartment.  I let my DS go with her and my ex's g/f for his service down in AZ and everything...I've been very kind to them.  However, I don't feell ike I need to "grieve".  I saw a co-worker for the first time since his passing on Friday, and he offered his condolences.  I laughingly said, "Well, at least I don't have to pay child support anymore" and he looked at me like I was a monster.  Then he said snidely, "Well, I guess everyone grieves differently," and walked away.  Granted the joke was in poor taste, but in all honesty, how much is an EX spouse supposed to GRIEVE?  How would you feel if your ex, who purposely kept your child from you and made you miserable you whole marriage, passed away?  Would you "grieve"?

by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:22 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ColoradoMom86
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:33 PM

BUMP!

Closet_Case
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:33 PM
No
ColoradoMom86
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:34 PM

Thank you!

Quoting Closet_Case: No


blondie0234
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Sure I can't stand him most the time...but he is my kids father...and a friend of many years...so yes..id grieve

Ninjascreenname
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:35 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm so sorry for your loss but if my 8 year olds dad died right now I'd throw a party.
leanntx
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:36 PM
2 moms liked this
Not one bit. The extent of my grief would be for DS losing his "father". No matter how bad of a father he is, DS would still feel the loss.

Quoting ColoradoMom86:

would you "mourn" him?  I was married to my first DH for 8 years.  He lied and hurt me most of our marriage, and finally cheated on me while we were both in Afghanistan.  That was the final straw, and we separated in the fall of 2012.  I met someone that winter and re-married, and he's since had two girlfriends.  I wanted shared custody of our 7 y/o DS and he fought me, lying in court to make me out to look like a bad mother and capitalizing on the fact that I had a job and he didn't.  He was given majority custody and yes I'll admit I was angry about that.  We only spoke about our son after that, by text or email.  We rarely spoke to one another.  Last month I was at work and I got a call from the police department telling me that my ex had passed away in his sleep, and that I needed to come pick up our DS.  I was shocked, seeing as how I'd just seen him the night before when I dropped off DS, and seeing as how he was healthy and only 29 (they still don't know what happened to him).  In any case, I was very heartbroken for our son, but OUR relationship had been long over, and I admit I was more concerned with what I was going to do with DS while I worked than I was with my ex actually being dead.  I did help my ex-MIL when she flew out here to arrange his funeral and clean out his apartment.  I let my DS go with her and my ex's g/f for his service down in AZ and everything...I've been very kind to them.  However, I don't feell ike I need to "grieve".  I saw a co-worker for the first time since his passing on Friday, and he offered his condolences.  I laughingly said, "Well, at least I don't have to pay child support anymore" and he looked at me like I was a monster.  Then he said snidely, "Well, I guess everyone grieves differently," and walked away.  Granted the joke was in poor taste, but in all honesty, how much is an EX spouse supposed to GRIEVE?  How would you feel if your ex, who purposely kept your child from you and made you miserable you whole marriage, passed away?  Would you "grieve"?

Closet_Case
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:37 PM
He won't pay CS unless all his bills are paid first, won't see the boys unless I bring them to him (2 1/2 hrs away), and treats me like shit even after all the shit I've done for him . All this after he cheated and kicked us out not even a couple weeks after our twins got out of the NICU

Quoting ColoradoMom86:

Thank you!

Quoting Closet_Case: No

AustinsMommy007
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I think I would grieve despite our relationship being long over I would also be heartbroken for my kids.
ColoradoMom86
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:38 PM

Exactly.  I admit that I am sad for the two young people we were when we fell in love, and I'm sad that he was unhappy most of his adult life, with me.  But I had no romantic feelings for him, and we were not friends.  He was a great dad, I can admit, and that I am sad for DS, not myself. 

Quoting leanntx: Not one bit. The extent of my grief would be for DS losing his "father". No matter how bad of a father he is, DS would still feel the loss.
Quoting ColoradoMom86:

would you "mourn" him?  I was married to my first DH for 8 years.  He lied and hurt me most of our marriage, and finally cheated on me while we were both in Afghanistan.  That was the final straw, and we separated in the fall of 2012.  I met someone that winter and re-married, and he's since had two girlfriends.  I wanted shared custody of our 7 y/o DS and he fought me, lying in court to make me out to look like a bad mother and capitalizing on the fact that I had a job and he didn't.  He was given majority custody and yes I'll admit I was angry about that.  We only spoke about our son after that, by text or email.  We rarely spoke to one another.  Last month I was at work and I got a call from the police department telling me that my ex had passed away in his sleep, and that I needed to come pick up our DS.  I was shocked, seeing as how I'd just seen him the night before when I dropped off DS, and seeing as how he was healthy and only 29 (they still don't know what happened to him).  In any case, I was very heartbroken for our son, but OUR relationship had been long over, and I admit I was more concerned with what I was going to do with DS while I worked than I was with my ex actually being dead.  I did help my ex-MIL when she flew out here to arrange his funeral and clean out his apartment.  I let my DS go with her and my ex's g/f for his service down in AZ and everything...I've been very kind to them.  However, I don't feell ike I need to "grieve".  I saw a co-worker for the first time since his passing on Friday, and he offered his condolences.  I laughingly said, "Well, at least I don't have to pay child support anymore" and he looked at me like I was a monster.  Then he said snidely, "Well, I guess everyone grieves differently," and walked away.  Granted the joke was in poor taste, but in all honesty, how much is an EX spouse supposed to GRIEVE?  How would you feel if your ex, who purposely kept your child from you and made you miserable you whole marriage, passed away?  Would you "grieve"?


ColoradoMom86
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:39 PM

What a class act you had there!

Quoting Closet_Case: He won't pay CS unless all his bills are paid first, won't see the boys unless I bring them to him (2 1/2 hrs away), and treats me like shit even after all the shit I've done for him . All this after he cheated and kicked us out not even a couple weeks after our twins got out of the NICU
Quoting ColoradoMom86:

Thank you!

Quoting Closet_Case: No



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)