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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Did you do things the "right" way?

Posted by on May. 6, 2014 at 3:12 PM
  • 421 Replies
4 moms liked this

 I admit my oldest was already cooking in the oven when my husband and I got hitched, but we didn't know that at the time. My sister, however, got engaged, was engaged a long time, then got married, was married a while, then planned for her first baby, etc. I overheard her and my mom talking about how it must be sad for my kids that their mom didn't do things the "right" way by getting engaged and married first, then getting pregnant, and she hopes that her kids understand that she got married for love and then had them for the same reason, instead of getting married because she had to. I was shocked. First off, I DID marry for love, and while I was married when we tied the knot, that knot was getting tied baby or no. But more than being upset that she'd judge me that way, I'm astounded that she would feel like there's a "right" way to do this? Plenty of people get engaged, married, and then have kids and end up unhappy and divorced, so why does she think she's so special for doing things her way, yet I'm a screw-up for doing things my way?

Anyway, according to my sister's standards, getting engaged, then married, then having a baby is the "right" way... did YOU do things the "right" way?

 

Some beach, somewhere
There's a big umbrella casting shade over an empty chair...

by on May. 6, 2014 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommynwife26
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:16 PM
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Not at all. I have my first child 20 days after I turned 20 with a man who took off when he found out I was pregnant. I met my dh when my daughter was 2 1/2, he had a son that was the same age. We got engaged 3mths later in December, found out I was pregnant in February, had our daughter 5 days after our 1yr anniversary, got married when she was 6mths old. Been married 3yrs now and together almost 5yrs. Would I want my kids to do it this way? No. But honestly I don't feel like we did it "wrong"
mamak3211
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:17 PM
Nope.. pregnant, engaged, dd born, married 3 yrs later. I don't care what other people think. We married for love and everyone that knows us know that. We didnt rush into a wedding when we wanted to be saving for our daughter first. Then when the time was right for us we planned our wedding. For us it was dine abd worked.
Some.Beach
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:22 PM

 Right - maybe it's not "ideal" but that doesn't mean it's wrong in some way. Her statement just cheapened everything and made it sound like I'm a reluctant mom and an unhappy bride.

Quoting Mommynwife26: Not at all. I have my first child 20 days after I turned 20 with a man who took off when he found out I was pregnant. I met my dh when my daughter was 2 1/2, he had a son that was the same age. We got engaged 3mths later in December, found out I was pregnant in February, had our daughter 5 days after our 1yr anniversary, got married when she was 6mths old. Been married 3yrs now and together almost 5yrs. Would I want my kids to do it this way? No. But honestly I don't feel like we did it "wrong"

 

wordsmith1271
by on May. 6, 2014 at 3:22 PM
3 moms liked this

Sometimes it just works out that way. I don't think you did it the wrong way and as long as you are happy that is what counts.

UCFknight
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think there's a particular process for it. We were engaged, married, and then five years into our marriage had our first child. But that doesn't make our love any better than anyone else's. I just hope whoever my kids find, that they are as blessed and in love as my husband and I are. Even with all our faults, we still feel so blessed to have one another! 

Some.Beach
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:23 PM

 See, I think it's the marrying for the right reasons that means more, or *not* marrying for the right reasons if you're against marriage and just want to be a longterm committed couple. I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" way, save for stealing someone's baby or something soap-opera-crazy like that, lol.

Quoting mamak3211: Nope.. pregnant, engaged, dd born, married 3 yrs later. I don't care what other people think. We married for love and everyone that knows us know that. We didnt rush into a wedding when we wanted to be saving for our daughter first. Then when the time was right for us we planned our wedding. For us it was dine abd worked.

 

polkaspots
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:24 PM
Not at all. I got pregnant at 18, had a baby at 19, then met my husband a year later. Now she's four and I've been married for three years and she has two little brothers.
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Mommynwife26
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:25 PM
1 mom liked this
My sister tried to do it the "right" way. She ended up unhappy, no kids despite having no reasons for not being able to get pregnant and divorced quickly afterwards. Her first marriage lasted 11mths, 2nd lasted 15mths....doing it the "right" way doesn't mean it will work out and doing it the "wrong" way doesn't mean it won't. Id tell her to shove it haha

Quoting Some.Beach:

 Right - maybe it's not "ideal" but that doesn't mean it's wrong in some way. Her statement just cheapened everything and made it sound like I'm a reluctant mom and an unhappy bride.


Quoting Mommynwife26: Not at all. I have my first child 20 days after I turned 20 with a man who took off when he found out I was pregnant. I met my dh when my daughter was 2 1/2, he had a son that was the same age. We got engaged 3mths later in December, found out I was pregnant in February, had our daughter 5 days after our 1yr anniversary, got married when she was 6mths old. Been married 3yrs now and together almost 5yrs. Would I want my kids to do it this way? No. But honestly I don't feel like we did it "wrong"

 

Some.Beach
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:25 PM

 She doesn't think anyone is happy unless they do things the way she did - engaged, married, then baby. She seems to think anything else is wrong and the kids are being robbed of something by being unexpected/unplanned, and that I couldn't possibly be married for love. It's a really narrow viewpoint she has.

Quoting wordsmith1271:

Sometimes it just works out that way. I don't think you did it the wrong way and as long as you are happy that is what counts.

 

Some.Beach
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:26 PM
2 moms liked this

 That's the way I see it, too. No matter the order of things, if you're happy and everyone's taken care of, that's what counts.

Quoting UCFknight:

I don't think there's a particular process for it. We were engaged, married, and then five years into our marriage had our first child. But that doesn't make our love any better than anyone else's. I just hope whoever my kids find, that they are as blessed and in love as my husband and I are. Even with all our faults, we still feel so blessed to have one another! 

 

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