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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

WWYD - Marriage counseling

Posted by on May. 7, 2014 at 2:12 PM
  • 22 Replies
So DH and I had some marriage problems earlier this year, and while things are better on a daily basis now, I still think we have things to work on. We found some good homework to help with communication and I did my half and he never got around to his. He works a ton (he's a funeral director) and I know that's a lot of why he never followed through, but my feelings are still hurt because we both decided that this was important and I'm the only one who went through with it and opened up about my needs and expectations. I feel like I was left hanging after making myself vulnerable, which was actually one of the things I put on my list as something that really makes me feel insecure and unimportant.

How would you deal with this?
by on May. 7, 2014 at 2:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
serenitycat
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2014 at 3:58 PM

you can't change someone else - best to work on yourself - apparently he didn't think it was that important!

Fayanne
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2014 at 4:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Find a counselor who will keep you both accountable
furbabymum
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM
1 mom liked this

 Deadlines always help. So if you have a deadline instead of some open ended, when you get to it, thing, it'll help.

I'd go to counseling. Yesterday I got to yell at ours that she always sides with my DH. Good times! lol

smalltownteddy
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM
We're working on getting in to see an actual counselor, this was just something we found that we were working on in the meantime.
Quoting Fayanne: Find a counselor who will keep you both accountable
Krysden
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2014 at 9:40 PM

I agree that a deadline or a timetable on those sort of things is a good way to go.   Good Luck in your search for a counselor.

24clark
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 12:10 AM

When I married we joined a marriage enrichment group that met every Thursday for 2 hours. We really enjoyed our group and got a lot of valuable information and practices from it. We did have homework too. We found ourselves rushing to get through it before the next class even though it wasn't checked and it was just for our benefit. My point is that we were both enjoying and trying to maximize the value of our time in the group, but life got in the way and no matter our intentions, we always had to cram before the next group to complete our tasks. We used to laugh about it too. 

The best suggestion I cn say is, tell him how you feel about this. Ask him to commit to a specific time each week to focus on the marriage and some of these tools available to you both. (Kind of like designating time for date night.)

BTW, to this day, we still use the tools we learned 3 years ago. This past weekend, a friend commented to me how well we seemed to get along with each other. No we are not perfect, (I have had to apologize for something yest and today!) but we try to be respectful, loving and aware of each others needs. Best of luck.

3xangel
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 5:52 AM


Quoting Fayanne: Find a counselor who will keep you both accountable
Monsita
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Hugs.

It takes two to tango, lol
In the meantime, work on getting yourself emotionally stronger.
It will help you to be in peace, finding out the way to be ok with what he does, and what he does not do within the marriage!
CampClan
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I have always said marriage is NOT a 50/50 spilt. Both people have to be willing to give the other 100% at all times. Since he seems to be half assing his efforts I suggest you sit down with him & tell him you don't feel he is giving this his all & you need to see results to prove he is wanting this. Actions speak louder than words.
catmommy22759
by on May. 8, 2014 at 7:00 AM

Well for one thing I don't criticize my husband on the internet. 

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