When someone cheats in a relationship the consequences can be devastating. i speak from experience. Opening yourself up enough to trust someone with your innermost thoughts and feelings? That's taking a big risk.
To find out that this risk hasn't paid off can be absolutely crushing (cut to memories of me, a liter bottle of Boone's Farm and Bridget Jones' Diary on repeat). Not only does it cause you to doubt your partner's past actions, it can make moving forward almost totally impossible.
Many marriages don't survive one member straying. Others survive and, with hard work, go on to thrive. You can't change how you've behaved in the past, but you can change how you behave in the future. Just because someone violated your trust in a past relationship, this doesn't mean your new partner will do the same.
More from The Stir: Betrayed By The One I Loved: 12 True Stories of Cheating
But it's natural to carry along these old insecurities. It's how you
deal with them that counts. Do you let them define and potentially harm
your new relationship? Or do you learn from the past and come out
stronger? We spoke to some experts and got their take on the matter.
They gave some great advice we hope you take to heart. Here are 6 ways to make sure he doesn't cheat.
Talking is key. "Check in with your partner occasionally and ask them if they are happy and if there is anything more you can to do be a great wife or girlfriend," says relationship expert Rachel A. Sussman. But remember it's a two-way street, "You should expect the same from your partner!"
2.) Be Realistic
Relationship expert Logan Levkoff says, "There is nothing to say to prevent a partner from straying. What you can do, however, is attempt to preempt any betrayal by saying 'some relationships succeed and some fail; I hope that we always show each other enough respect to talk first before any of us stray in this relationship.'"
3.) Respect Yourself
Regardless of the outcome -- take care of yourself. Be good to you! Sussman says, "If you do all you can to be your best, to be healthy and to be loving - then you are reducing the odds. Plus, if your partner cheats, you can always say to yourself that you were the best you could be - and then you'll have less guilt or shame."
4.) Define Your Relationship
A relationship is whatever the people in it decide it should be.
Maybe that means allowing your partner to sleep with other people. Maybe
it's forbidden. You set the rules. Talk about cheating, set up your
boundaries. If you know you could never forgive a cheater, let your
partner know that.
5.) Know The Rules & Follow Them
Once you've defined your relationship, it's up to you to follow the rules you set. If you adhere to this standard, you're demonstrating how much you value your partner and what you two have together. What's sexier than that?
6.) Sex, Sex, Sex
Sex is a crucial way of maintaining intimacy. It's one of the most
surefire ways of connecting with your partner on a fundamental level. If
you're not having sex, and not talking about having sex, it could mean
trouble is ahead.
Has anyone ever cheated on you? Has it changed how you go into relationships?