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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

6 Ways to Stop Him From Cheating

Posted by on May. 12, 2014 at 10:29 AM
  • 20 Replies

6 Ways to Stop Him From Cheating

by Rebecca Stokes

When someone cheats in a relationship the consequences can be devastating. i speak from experience. Opening yourself up enough to trust someone with your innermost thoughts and feelings? That's taking a big risk.

To find out that this risk hasn't paid off can be absolutely crushing (cut to memories of me, a liter bottle of Boone's Farm and Bridget Jones' Diary on repeat). Not only does it cause you to doubt your partner's past actions, it can make moving forward almost totally impossible.

Many marriages don't survive one member straying. Others survive and, with hard work, go on to thrive. You can't change how you've behaved in the past, but you can change how you behave in the future. Just because someone violated your trust in a past relationship, this doesn't mean your new partner will do the same.

More from The Stir: Betrayed By The One I Loved: 12 True Stories of Cheating

But it's natural to carry along these old insecurities. It's how you deal with them that counts. Do you let them define and potentially harm your new relationship? Or do you learn from the past and come out stronger? We spoke to some experts and got their take on the matter. They gave some great advice we hope you take to heart. Here are 6 ways to make sure he doesn't cheat.

1.) Communicate

Talking is key. "Check in with your partner occasionally and ask them if they are happy and if there is anything more you can to do be a great wife or girlfriend," says relationship expert Rachel A. Sussman. But remember it's a two-way street, "You should expect the same from your partner!" 

2.) Be Realistic

Relationship expert Logan Levkoff says, "There is nothing to say to prevent a partner from straying. What you can do, however, is attempt to preempt any betrayal by saying 'some relationships succeed and some fail; I hope that we always show each other enough respect to talk first before any of us stray in this relationship.'"

3.) Respect Yourself

Regardless of the outcome -- take care of yourself. Be good to you! Sussman says, "If you do all you can to be your best, to be healthy and to be loving - then you are reducing the odds. Plus, if your partner cheats, you can always say to yourself that you were the best you could be - and then you'll have less guilt or shame."

4.) Define Your Relationship

A relationship is whatever the people in it decide it should be. Maybe that means allowing your partner to sleep with other people. Maybe it's forbidden. You set the rules. Talk about cheating, set up your boundaries. If you know you could never forgive a cheater, let your partner know that.

5.) Know The Rules & Follow Them

Once you've defined your relationship, it's up to you to follow the rules you set. If you adhere to this standard, you're demonstrating how much you value your partner and what you two have together. What's sexier than that?

6.) Sex, Sex, Sex

Sex is a crucial way of maintaining intimacy. It's one of the most surefire ways of connecting with your partner on a fundamental level. If you're not having sex, and not talking about having sex, it could mean trouble is ahead.

Has anyone ever cheated on you? Has it changed how you go into relationships?

by on May. 12, 2014 at 10:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mrs.hartman12
by on May. 12, 2014 at 10:45 AM

Well to start I did not expect to actually like this article. 

Yes, once I was cheated on. It was devestating. Looking back I think I can honestly say there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. My ex just.......idk......we just brought out the worst in each other. I loved him more than I loved anyone (except my now dh) and would have done anything. I even forgave him, but it wasn't enough. I actually had the unique opportunity while I was single to spend a platonic weekend together (like 4 years later) and we talked about our relationship. He actually wanted to try again but I couldn't. It took me that 4 years to really heal and move on and I am glad I did because a few months after I closed that door for good I met my dh and he is my perfect match. 

Yes it effects how I am in my relationship now. I am a lot more laid back and less clingy. I also have a zero BS tolerance when it comes to other women. My dh knows I can not tolerate any female "friends" and we have an absolute transparent relationship. He was cheated on also by a few different women so we both understand the other and I think that makes up more tolerant of rules that get me bashed on cm, and more understanding of the other person. 

Jokingly I tell him if he cheated on my that I would stay just to make his life as miserable as possible, but the reality is he knows I will leave. I just couldn't do that to myself again. The first time left me almost broken beyond repair, I don't think my heart could take it again. 

SpiritedWitch
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2014 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Sex is a crucial way of maintaining intimacy. No, really it's not. You do not have to have sex to be intimate with each other. Sex is nice, but not necessary. 

If you're not having sex, and not talking about having sex, it could mean trouble is ahead. I guess we just have a unique relationship b/c it does not center on sex. We have been together for 30 years (married 29) and for the last two years or so (could be more, I don't know) we have not had sex. Neither one of us has cheated. Why? Because we respect each other and more importantly, we love each other. 

Hottmomma607
by Trica on May. 12, 2014 at 12:54 PM
I thought I was going to frown upon this article? The title was a turn off! But reading it made sense!
4. Is really,really good. Because I agree on define YOUR relationship. I think many people get wrapped up in what they do and they expect you to do the same.
An ex-BF cheated on me but never knew until after we broke up. Didn't care anyways.
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2014 at 1:19 PM

I've been cheated on by just about every single guy I dated.  It didn't really change my relationships thankfully.  The only one that really hurt is when DH cheated on me and there was nothing that I could have done to prevent it.  I know it had nothing to do with me.   He put himself in a position that he knows he shouldn't have and was to weak to walk away.  A couple of months later he cheated on me again with another woman.  He just didn't believe me when I told them their relationship was inappropriate until I left.  He didn't sleep with her until after I left but he chose his "friendship" with her over me, his wife.  We separated for almost a year before he convinced me to come back.  I'm still working through everything but I do trust him when he tells me he's being faithful.  I won't let what happened get in the way of our future together.  I love him way too much and I know he regrets it and loves me and wants to put it behind us.  I truly believe he will never cheat again.....if I didn't I wouldn't have come back.  I just need to get past the fact that he had feelings for someone other than me.....that's on me not him.

Cutenessmom
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 2:32 PM

Good artricle Yes to me sex is very important ! 

deadlights86
by Emily on May. 12, 2014 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Good article. I agree with communication for sure.
rockinmomto2
by on May. 12, 2014 at 4:19 PM
4 moms liked this

This is disgusting. When a person cheats, it's their fault and their fault alone. I'm so offended by this article, I don't even know where to start. The majority of this article would be much better placed in an article about how to keep your marriage alive and happy, but the title is indicating that it's the womans fault if her man cheats, and it's her responsibility to keep him in line because, donchaknow, men can't keep it in their pants.

And that last bit? Sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship. Intimacy is created through trust and empathy and communication, not sex. I have plenty of intimate relationships with people that don't involve sex. 

petitekatie
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 4:29 PM
Perfectly put.

Quoting rockinmomto2:

This is disgusting. When a person cheats, it's their fault and their fault alone. I'm so offended by this article, I don't even know where to start. The majority of this article would be much better placed in an article about how to keep your marriage alive and happy, but the title is indicating that it's the womans fault if her man cheats, and it's her responsibility to keep him in line because, donchaknow, men can't keep it in their pants.

And that last bit? Sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship. Intimacy is created through trust and empathy and communication, not sex. I have plenty of intimate relationships with people that don't involve sex. 

Octobersmom
by on May. 12, 2014 at 4:30 PM

It is not your fault if your man cheats.  I hate the mentality that the faithful partner did something wrong.

AliKatAK47
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:53 PM
2 moms liked this

I disagree with the last one most of all.  Sex isn't all that important. Anyone can have sex with no emotion behind it. Hell, that's what a lot of cheating is. Meaningless sex. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, I think about it all the time (I have the mind of a teenage boy) and I have a lot of it. But if it was to stop today I wouldn't be too upset. As long as my husband kept holding me, and kissing me, and making me feel safe and warm and fuzzy inside  there's no problem. Sex is not intimacy. Sex is a byproduct of a special type of intimacy.  As some other people have said. I have plenty of intimate relationships that are strictly platonic. 

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