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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm at a turning point and don't know which direction to go?

Posted by on May. 15, 2014 at 10:41 PM
  • 19 Replies

Hello all, I need some advice on where to go with my relationship. We have been friends for 10 years and together for 3. I have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship and a 2 year old daughter with my fiancee. I love him, but I feel like we are in 2 different places in our lives. I fall asleep next to him feeling alone often. I try to express myself and my feelings to him, and all it does is blow up into an argument. He is extremely immature and self centered. He has a ridiculous sense of entitlement from other people. He loves both of the children very much, his heart is in the right place, but his head is not. I am currently working towards building a career for myself. I take care of all of the bills, if not financially, I handle the doings of it. I keep track of our bank accounts. Recently, his grandmother passed away, leaving his father to handle her estate. His father is worse than he is with finances and accomplishing tasks. I tried to use this as an example to stress the importance of why he needs to learn how to do these things, and he still hasn't taken initiative to do ANYTHING! I had to book his flight and his father's hotel to get home! I have to walk him step by step through everything or do it myself. He has called me at work because he can't find a pair of his underwear! I am at my wits end. I love him but I can't handle his immaturity any more. I do not want to just throw away our relationship for the sake of our children and my love for him, but its to the point I am miserable and attracted to other men. I would never act on my thoughts but it really bothers me things have gotten to this point. What do I do? Walk away or try to fix things? 

by on May. 15, 2014 at 10:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
FabAnonLife
by New Member on May. 15, 2014 at 10:44 PM
3 moms liked this

Well I believe that you walk away from a relationship ( when kids are in the picture at least) only after you have done everything you can possibly do to make it work. Once you can honestly say that you have, and you have no emotional business to settle with that person, then you walk away. But until you're at that point, you don't. I don't know how to tell you to fix it but that's the way I see it

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2014 at 2:04 AM
2 moms liked this

tell him point blank that you want a husband and not another child, that you want to be his wife and not his Mother! 

4HMomto3
by on May. 16, 2014 at 8:21 AM

If your misrable, your priorities are different, he seems to be unwilling to mature, and you basically have to be his mother. Sorry to say but in my opinion its time to cut ties. I came from a house where my mom tried to stay with my dad just for us kids, it was absolutly misrable. The fights were the hardest. Also seeing my mom work and do everything and my dad do nothing. It really hurt. My mom finally couldn't take anymore when I was 12. I really wish she would have just divorced him when I was little, it would have been a lot easier on my brother and I. 

Hottmomma607
by Trica on May. 16, 2014 at 11:25 AM


Quoting MixedCooke:

tell him point blank that you want a husband and not another child, that you want to be his wife and not his Mother! 

This!

UCFknight
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2014 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Have you seen any progression from 3 years ago to today? What you are noticing are big red flags. He is self centered, and lacks common sense. This can't be changed overnight, and if he has always been like this, it will be very difficult to change. He has to see his behavior and how it hurts those around him. He should want to change for himself. Your discussions shouldn't turn into arguments. At least you are not married yet. I would not marry until I saw real changes in him. If he isn't willing to try, it's time to move on and do what is best for you and your children.

Nohora
by Member on May. 16, 2014 at 12:21 PM

Obviously this guy has become lazy and is specting you to take care of everything. If I was you, I would have a nice conversation of how stressed you feel about taking care of everone and everything. In a marriage both have to compromise. Do not become his mother. Stop doing everything for him

furbabymum
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2014 at 1:02 PM

 If my DH died I'd have a hell of a time figuring out all our bill payments and he has a spreadsheet with directions for me. Finances are his realm, I want nothing to do with them. So I suppose there I don't see the big deal. However, he'd better be contributing in other ways or why even bother with him? I want a partner, not a child. My DH HAS called me looking for things. I simply tell him to look with his eyes and hang up. Try it OP.

gogohas2babies
by New Member on May. 16, 2014 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't expect to be the one that will change him or that a miracle will happen that he just gets it on his own. He is who he is. Accept it or make a choice. I know this sounds sterile and harsh but it's true. He has to come to realizations on his own

mamalama898
by on May. 16, 2014 at 1:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, it comes to a point where you have to realize that people don't change. Soooo you have two choices live this way forever or leave him. There's no fixing someone because people don't really change. Unless they REALLY want to and it doesn't sound like he is really into changing.

bamababe1975
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2014 at 1:21 PM

 I agree with this, OP. If he's not willing to grow up and be a man, then you walk.

Quoting MixedCooke:

tell him point blank that you want a husband and not another child, that you want to be his wife and not his Mother! 

 

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