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Putting my plans aside...forever?

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:04 AM
  • 27 Replies
So my husband and I have been married for almost 7yrs(married at 18/20). We have 3kids 6,4and 1.
He joined the army when we were first dating and gt out a little over a year ago.
In that time I went to school to be a dialysis tech. Did that for a bit just before he got out, couldn't find a job in our new town. Didn't go back to it.
Since then I've worked with DD adults and currently work at a daycare. I have the chance to go to community college at night on scholarship for early childhood education. I'm seeing though that this and teaching are not my forever job.
But idk what is.
My husband is a CNC machinist and tattoo artist. He will be starting school in the fall to be a teacher(HS level math and science).

I want to join the airforce(if it's even possible).

I know he won't like this. Then there is the logistics. He needs to finish school. He's building a client base at the shop he works at now. The owner(who still tattoos) is talking of basically bowing out and only collecting off the shop not tattooing, basically leaving the shop in DHs(they have one other artist coming in) hands.
While tattooing at least is mobile it's not ideal for a client base. Moving and teaching isn't really ideal either.

So at this point I feel like I'm going to have to choose to either not do what I want, or ask him to sacrifice(although not completely) his careers.
I'm afraid this will be a road block in our marriage. I love my husband(and kids of course)but I'm miserable and lack so much direction in my life.

Any advice???
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
booaura
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:08 AM
This is something you should have planned out before marriage. You want something that will obliterate your current lifestyle, especially if you are shipped overseas.

Either way, you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and decide just how important these plans are to you.
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Ninjascreenname
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:08 AM
Talk to him. My husband was a tattoo artist before his military issues became totally disabling. I have always wanted to join the army and actually enlisted but has to separate because I got pregnant with my now 3 year old. I have spoken with recruiters in the last few months and have come to the conclusion that I may never get to fulfill that dream. Having a disabled spouse and three kids (8,3,1) will make it super hard because of the in depth care plan I would have. I'm okay with finishing nursing school and living life that way.


Ugh. Sorry about the novel. Talk to your husband. Explain how important it is to you. I'm here if you need to talk.
Diatech12
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:19 AM
It was.
Life happened and I got pregnant(after he joined).
I feel like leaving things the way they are now won't help either.
I

Quoting booaura: This is something you should have planned out before marriage. You want something that will obliterate your current lifestyle, especially if you are shipped overseas.

Either way, you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and decide just how important these plans are to you.
booaura
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:23 AM
Life happens? Really? I achieved my dreams before I let 'life happen'. I can't stand people who 'let life happen' to them, and are then upset when what they really wanted is messed up.

Just make sure to sit down and discuss this with him, plan how either option would work, and go from there.


Quoting Diatech12: It was.
Life happened and I got pregnant(after he joined).
I feel like leaving things the way they are now won't help either.
I

Quoting booaura: This is something you should have planned out before marriage. You want something that will obliterate your current lifestyle, especially if you are shipped overseas.

Either way, you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and decide just how important these plans are to you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Diatech12
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:24 AM
Thank you for the understanding :)

My husband talks of missin the military all the time, but from what he ha heard won't be able to join again due to new regulations on tattoos(he has recent lower fore arm tattoos).
We both miss the stability and the feeling in general.
I just don't think he will approve.

I'm trying to decide if talking to a recruiter would be a good startin point 1 to see if it would even be an option for me and 2) so I come to him prepared with info,

Quoting Ninjascreenname: Talk to him. My husband was a tattoo artist before his military issues became totally disabling. I have always wanted to join the army and actually enlisted but has to separate because I got pregnant with my now 3 year old. I have spoken with recruiters in the last few months and have come to the conclusion that I may never get to fulfill that dream. Having a disabled spouse and three kids (8,3,1) will make it super hard because of the in depth care plan I would have. I'm okay with finishing nursing school and living life that way.


Ugh. Sorry about the novel. Talk to your husband. Explain how important it is to you. I'm here if you need to talk.
Diatech12
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:26 AM
Well I'm happy for you that you did. I absolutely did not have the forethought and should have been more careful. No need to be rude.

Quoting booaura: Life happens? Really? I achieved my dreams before I let 'life happen'. I can't stand people who 'let life happen' to them, and are then upset when what they really wanted is messed up.

Just make sure to sit down and discuss this with him, plan how either option would work, and go from there.


Quoting Diatech12: It was.
Life happened and I got pregnant(after he joined).
I feel like leaving things the way they are now won't help either.
I

Quoting booaura: This is something you should have planned out before marriage. You want something that will obliterate your current lifestyle, especially if you are shipped overseas.

Either way, you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and decide just how important these plans are to you.
booaura
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:28 AM
I'm not being rude. Rude would be name calling. I just said you can't use that as an excuse. YOU let 'life happen'. Own that, and then move on to figure out how to still achieve your dreams, if you can.

Quoting Diatech12: Well I'm happy for you that you did. I absolutely did not have the forethought and should have been more careful. No need to be rude.

Quoting booaura: Life happens? Really? I achieved my dreams before I let 'life happen'. I can't stand people who 'let life happen' to them, and are then upset when what they really wanted is messed up.

Just make sure to sit down and discuss this with him, plan how either option would work, and go from there.


Quoting Diatech12: It was.
Life happened and I got pregnant(after he joined).
I feel like leaving things the way they are now won't help either.
I

Quoting booaura: This is something you should have planned out before marriage. You want something that will obliterate your current lifestyle, especially if you are shipped overseas.

Either way, you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and decide just how important these plans are to you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 5:47 AM

 three kids later?

If your first was an unplanned pregnancy, what were your visions for life when your next two came along?

What is it about the Air Force that actually attracts you? Talking to a recruiter is probably a good first step. Poke around some community colleges and see if they offer any career counseling, too.

4HMomto3
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:22 AM

Talk it out with your husband. 

Ninjascreenname
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:26 PM
Talking to a recruiter would be good. Are you only open to the Air Force? They have a lot more rules than the other branches. How many kids do you have? They are limiting recruitment because of dependents. Do you have a college degree or any college classes?

Quoting Diatech12: Thank you for the understanding :)

My husband talks of missin the military all the time, but from what he ha heard won't be able to join again due to new regulations on tattoos(he has recent lower fore arm tattoos).
We both miss the stability and the feeling in general.
I just don't think he will approve.

I'm trying to decide if talking to a recruiter would be a good startin point 1 to see if it would even be an option for me and 2) so I come to him prepared with info,

Quoting Ninjascreenname: Talk to him. My husband was a tattoo artist before his military issues became totally disabling. I have always wanted to join the army and actually enlisted but has to separate because I got pregnant with my now 3 year old. I have spoken with recruiters in the last few months and have come to the conclusion that I may never get to fulfill that dream. Having a disabled spouse and three kids (8,3,1) will make it super hard because of the in depth care plan I would have. I'm okay with finishing nursing school and living life that way.


Ugh. Sorry about the novel. Talk to your husband. Explain how important it is to you. I'm here if you need to talk.
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