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My marriage is in a bad place

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:33 AM
  • 22 Replies
1 mom liked this

   Im not sure i love my husband anymore. I always thought i did, it was like yesterday it just hit me that i feel nothing. We were at some friends who had just had a baby, we hadn't seen them in about a year, it was strange how we acted compred to the last time we were all together, i felt like i had to try super hard to be nice to my husband and i just came off sarcastic. We always said we'd have one more child, we have ds who is 2. But lastnight in bed i was thinking i don't really want another one, ive just always said it but when i really think about it i don't with my husband. Its too hard with him, he doesn't help with anything unless i beg him he won't do bath time he doesn't cook for ds, god fobid i was gone for any period of time, he doesn't do anything with out being told. and even then i usually end up doing it. i was exhuasted and drained having our 1st and got no understanding as to why i might be that way. I don't want anymore children with someone who only wants to be there for the fun things in parenting. I can't get dh to do anything as a family, it's always about himself and as long as he's happy. I can't get him to go shopping for the house or just  for something he knows i like to do, i carry everything we need for the house on my shoulders, he won't even come in the grocery store with me. I can get him swimming, skating, science centers, the city, i can't get him to do anything that all 3 of us will enjoy.  We don't have sex, were 29 and i think we are going on over a month, and thats normal for us, the last time he went down on me was feb 20 (we were on a holiday) , and i don't even care anymore, i don't want him to put in his half ass effort  anymore anyways.  He works i stay home, when he gets home he goes in the garage or flys his rc plane or i leave, And its always a fight cause both of us are so bored we both want to just leave but only one of us can. Im just getting reallly sick of living this way, no real passion, no sense of family, we say we love eachother but if you asked me why i don't have a answer anymore, he's not even nice to me anymore:(             


He got home from work an hour ago and hasn't even come in the house, he's out in the garage. How am i supose to feel when he could care less to come home and see his family. He'll walk in the door in hrs like he's done nothing wrong. I don't care that he wants to be out there i know he enjoys it but i think he should he should at least come in and say hi to me and ds. and it just happens way to often. I feel like his hobbies are more important than his family.

by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2boys9yrsapart
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 10:06 AM
I'm right there with you. Been married to my husband 14 years in September. Two boys, he's mentally and emotionally abusive to our oldest and he's starting on the youngest. I'm already making my escape route, trying to get my debt down and whatnot. We both work but he can't keep a job anymore because of his pride and inability to keep his mouth shut, which leaves the bulk of the bills to me. He pays the mortgage and car insurance I pay EVERYTHING else, on top of that he expects me to raise the kids and keep the house clean. I don't care how he treats me but last week my 13 year old said sometimes he doesn't see the point of living because of how his father treats him. I stopped saying I love you when I realized I wasn't saying it first anymore.

I completely understand how you feel.
lil_mama06
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:10 PM
2 moms liked this

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS....I went through a disconnect about 6 years into our marriage..Lots of prayer and fasting I did....I hope everything works out for your family....

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:39 PM

Holy cow..Best of luck to you sweetie!! 

Quoting 2boys9yrsapart: I'm right there with you. Been married to my husband 14 years in September. Two boys, he's mentally and emotionally abusive to our oldest and he's starting on the youngest. I'm already making my escape route, trying to get my debt down and whatnot. We both work but he can't keep a job anymore because of his pride and inability to keep his mouth shut, which leaves the bulk of the bills to me. He pays the mortgage and car insurance I pay EVERYTHING else, on top of that he expects me to raise the kids and keep the house clean. I don't care how he treats me but last week my 13 year old said sometimes he doesn't see the point of living because of how his father treats him. I stopped saying I love you when I realized I wasn't saying it first anymore. I completely understand how you feel.


2boys9yrsapart
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks mama, I'm a survivor if nothing else. I'll make sure my boys do too.

Quoting TommyAbby:

Holy cow..Best of luck to you sweetie!! 

Quoting 2boys9yrsapart: I'm right there with you. Been married to my husband 14 years in September. Two boys, he's mentally and emotionally abusive to our oldest and he's starting on the youngest. I'm already making my escape route, trying to get my debt down and whatnot. We both work but he can't keep a job anymore because of his pride and inability to keep his mouth shut, which leaves the bulk of the bills to me. He pays the mortgage and car insurance I pay EVERYTHING else, on top of that he expects me to raise the kids and keep the house clean. I don't care how he treats me but last week my 13 year old said sometimes he doesn't see the point of living because of how his father treats him. I stopped saying I love you when I realized I wasn't saying it first anymore.



I completely understand how you feel.

jamamama00
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Definitely don't get pregnant again. Maybe you should move toward separating and see how that goes. Sometimes the reality of divorce will snap someone awake. If not it might be best to just move on.
ragdoll7777
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I would speak up, living this way, it's not living...is killing you. Has he always been this way? Not helping you at all? I would sit down and have a serious talk, either things changed or he needs to leave, I rather struggle on my feet than live on my knees.

Mommyto3band1g
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like my ex husband, i suggest counseling or a seperation.

shann77
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this
he doesn't understand, he doesn't think he does anything wrong. it always turns into a fight when i try to talk to him. he didn't change after having a baby and getting married his priorities are still all about himself. i don't know how either of us would leave either, we just have to much stuff ( houses debt kid things) to separate. he wouldn't be reasonable.

Quoting ragdoll7777:

I would speak up, living this way, it's not living...is killing you. Has he always been this way? Not helping you at all? I would sit down and have a serious talk, either things changed or he needs to leave, I rather struggle on my feet than live on my knees.

ragdoll7777
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 4:06 PM

if he has always been this way then you made your bed. Happiness is there, you just have to want it bad enough to know what you gotta do to obtain it, try counseling, good luck.

Quoting shann77: he doesn't understand, he doesn't think he does anything wrong. it always turns into a fight when i try to talk to him. he didn't change after having a baby and getting married his priorities are still all about himself. i don't know how either of us would leave either, we just have to much stuff ( houses debt kid things) to separate. he wouldn't be reasonable.
Quoting ragdoll7777:

I would speak up, living this way, it's not living...is killing you. Has he always been this way? Not helping you at all? I would sit down and have a serious talk, either things changed or he needs to leave, I rather struggle on my feet than live on my knees.


furbabymum
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 4:10 PM

 Well, I'm sure there is a lot more than this. It would annoy me that he would seperate himself when he got home. It would be unacceptable to me if my DH didn't help. I wouldn't just give up though. I'd fight for my family. That fight may be in marriage counselor or wherever but I'd try really hard. That said it takes 2 and if he won't try at all you don't have a marriage.

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