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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I just don't understand him....

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2014 at 12:47 AM
  • 9 Replies
So my husband is all the time making "jokes" as he says by saying to me oh you hate me don't you, you don't even care about your husband, then he started saying things like that in front of my in laws. I mean he acts like he joking but it still bothers me and i've said something to him about it but he still does it and for him to say it in front of my in laws, ugh lord only knows what they must be thinking about me as a wife to their son and a mother to their granddaughter. Am I over reacting?
by on Jun. 12, 2014 at 12:47 AM
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Fayanne
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 6:00 AM
1 mom liked this

 Are there ways he thinks you're showing you don't love him? Has he always been like this? Does his father act this way? Does he have self esteem issues?

You may have to just tell him again, that to you it feels disrespectful when he makes those 'jokes' and you'd appreciate it if he stops.

My guy makes jokes that don't always go over well, and I know sometimes he thinks I'm being oversensitive.

When statements that can come across as negative, even if they are 'jokes', outweigh the 'positive' things that come out of his mouth, it's not hard to wonder what's really going on in his head.

Sorry... I don't have any better words of wisdom for you. Something seems to be smouldering on the surface there with your dh.

As Sigmond Freud would say, there's a grain of truth in all humor.

Runner36
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 7:59 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband makes jokes that I do NOT find funny all the time.  He says stuff like "you think that guy is hot don't you?" or "you would leave me over that wouldn't you?"  I now just go along with it and say "Yep, I am totally into him or of course I would leave you".  He usually just shuts up now.  I look at it kind of like a bully...they are just looking for a reaction and when they don't really just one...just agreeing...they tend to stop.

serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:04 AM

jokes are funny - he is being mean by implying you are not loving - if he says it after you say it hurts your feelings it is abuse!!! 

I compliment my h on everything he does that I appreciate and he is much more loving to me

furbabymum
by on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:31 AM

 I'd tell him if he wants me to hate him he's going in the right direction. Then every time he did it I'd walk away. Fucking moron.

24clark
by Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 2:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Share with him how awful it makes ou feel and ask him, if even in front of the in-laws, if what he is saying is truly how he feels. And that if it is, you are sorry and want to know what you can do to prove that you do love him or to stop making him feel hated. If he is joking and he says that, tell him you do not take that lightly and it hurts you deeply when he says stuff like that. Also that these are not funny topics and to please refrain from that type of chatter or joking. 

Sorry he does this. But if he is joking, he should stop when you share how it makes you feel. If he is taking the lighter approach to trying to tell you this is how he feels (which I doubt, just a feeling) then you have opened the door to having a serious conversation with him to work on making him feel loved and wanted. Men need respect and maybe just telling him things like "I really respect you when you do "X" for the family as it makes such and such so much easier for me. Or "I respect the fact that you work so hard to pay for such and such." You get my point. Best of luck in figuring this out. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jun. 12, 2014 at 5:11 PM
2 moms liked this

Jokes that are not funny, are insecurity coming through in my opinion. DH used to joke about me not loving him anymore and it annoyed me. I finally sat him down and we had a heart to heart. Good luck

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 7:11 PM

Not overreacting at all.   Just keep reminding him that you don't like it and maybe that it even hurts you when he says those things (assuming it does)  Hopefully he gets the message.

Pixi-goddess
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 3:25 PM
1 mom liked this
My sisters husband does that... It annoys me to no end but in a way it's how he shows he cares by picking on her... So she replays "nope don't love you at all... I'm jus here for ..." She says something stupid like foot rubs (which she need gets) so it's nagging right back without coming out and saying it... And amazingly he has backed off a lot from saying it so much

Quoting Mommyof1023: So my husband is all the time making "jokes" as he says by saying to me oh you hate me don't you, you don't even care about your husband, then he started saying things like that in front of my in laws. I mean he acts like he joking but it still bothers me and i've said something to him about it but he still does it and for him to say it in front of my in laws, ugh lord only knows what they must be thinking about me as a wife to their son and a mother to their granddaughter. Am I over reacting?
LadyBast
by Brenda on Jun. 15, 2014 at 5:05 PM

I would let everyone see his other side too, if he makes you look like this then let them see him being an ass!

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