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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My dad can't accept my interracial relationship

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 6:55 AM
  • 8 Replies
Hi im dating a lovely guy. Hes so sweet to ne and my 7 year old son. We have been dating for 6 months. He is turkish, dark skinned and muslim. I am irish, blonde, white and athiest..but my whole family is catholic and i was raised catholic.
My dad has a big problem with my boyfriend. He has never meet him and refuses to because he is muslim, turkish and darker skined than me.
I really do love my boyfriend and we have already talked sbout marraige..way in the future obviously but still talked about it.
My problem is my dad absolutly hates him and said some very racist things such as he will never accept one of them into the family, they are all evil and abuse women. He said people will abuse us verbally in the streets if they see us together and i will be targeted and refused entry to places because im with him. I think hes totally over reacting!!! As these things have never happened to us.
I hate this situation snd my dad makes me very upset. He said i shouldnt be in an inter racial relationship and should find someone who looks like me. I dont really see it as an inter racial relationship as my boyfrirnd looks darker but not too dark. I dont care his skin colour anyways cause i love him and his heart.
I just dont know what to do and how to handle this. I always knew my dad was racist but i thaught the fact that my bf is a respectful lovely guy would make a difference.
Has anyone else on this been threw sonething simular?
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 6:55 AM
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Today at 1:35 AM
by YVONNE on Jun. 16, 2014 at 7:50 AM
1 mom liked this

congratsgiving heart Congrats on finding a great guy that is good to you and your son... some people go a lifetime and NEVER find that despite how many many people their are in the world, it's a shame your dad can't realize that and be genuinely happy for you and at least give the man a chance!

 im sorryhugs I'm so sorry your dad is acting and talking like that.. I'm  sure that is stressful and hurtful.  It's certainly unjust AND unchristian of him too! 

No matter how much I loved my parents or other loved one.. if they talked like that and treated my significant other that way I would have a FIRM SERIOUS very stern toned talk with them.. I would let them know A. He is being a hypocrite.. he is claiming to be a Christian/Catholic yet Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself and to NOT judge others because only God can see in a person's heart and soul and so therefore ONLY HE can judge.  And God made ALL people in every color, race, etc according to HIS religion ( I am not catholic but was raised strictly catholic so I KNOW!!) and everyone bleeds the same and has emotions and souls inside, colors and races are just surface. Also he is WRONG to judge any entire group of people by their race, color, culture or religion etc because you can NEVER accurately stereotype an entire group of people, there are good people and bad people in every group because everyone is a special unique INDIVIDUAL and he should at the very least give this man a chance to show him that he is a GOOD individual as he has shown you the last 6 months. 

Also he is insulting and disrespecting you as an intelligent grown woman to have the sense to pick a good man or not and you don't appreciate that.  Also if he is going to hate your s/o because he is Muslim then why doesn't he HATE you because you are athiest? He is being a hypocrite yet again. Neither of you are even close to Catholic lol. It should matter how you act and treat people and live your lives not what your personal beliefs are. 

I would tell him if people mistreat us we will deal with like the adults we are and that so far the only person who is abusing us is HIMMMM!!! AND that I will NOT tolerate it.. that I can not control what he thinks or feels or his opinions and beliefs BUT I CAN control how I react to them and I CHOOSE to react to it by letting him know with no room for doubt, he has a choice.. he can keep his cruel, sickening hateful remarks and behavior INSIDE HIS OWN head and talk to and treat me AND my significant other politely and kindly even if it kills him inside to do so and that goes for if you hear about him talking disrespectfully about him behind your backs too.. OR you will have no choice but to love him from a distance and not visit him or let him come visit you or have anything to do with your life to protect you and your loved ones unless he has a change of heart and apologizes. And you have to mean what you say and do what you say. 

At least that is how "I" would handle it. 


 View Full Size Image YVONNE

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 16, 2014 at 11:52 AM
2 moms liked this

Not to be harsh but if you knew your dad was a racist this shouldn't be any much of a shock?! You have to do decide your dad's approval and love? Or living your own life? Because there will be always something? I don't have any personal experiences,my sister and I were free to date whoever and my parents loved who ever it was? As long as they treated us right.

hugs

Quoting xxbabigurlxx: Hi im dating a lovely guy. Hes so sweet to ne and my 7 year old son. We have been dating for 6 months. He is turkish, dark skinned and muslim. I am irish, blonde, white and athiest..but my whole family is catholic and i was raised catholic. My dad has a big problem with my boyfriend. He has never meet him and refuses to because he is muslim, turkish and darker skined than me. I really do love my boyfriend and we have already talked sbout marraige..way in the future obviously but still talked about it. My problem is my dad absolutly hates him and said some very racist things such as he will never accept one of them into the family, they are all evil and abuse women. He said people will abuse us verbally in the streets if they see us together and i will be targeted and refused entry to places because im with him. I think hes totally over reacting!!! As these things have never happened to us. I hate this situation snd my dad makes me very upset. He said i shouldnt be in an inter racial relationship and should find someone who looks like me. I dont really see it as an inter racial relationship as my boyfrirnd looks darker but not too dark. I dont care his skin colour anyways cause i love him and his heart. I just dont know what to do and how to handle this. I always knew my dad was racist but i thaught the fact that my bf is a respectful lovely guy would make a difference. Has anyone else on this been threw sonething simular?


Racheldp20
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 6:20 PM

I know it's incredibly hard right now but these things can get better with time. My dad was seriously opposed to me marrying my husband because we're Mormon and my husband didn't serve a mission for various reasons. He completely freaked out and acted like he wasn't even going to the wedding and would disown me or something. In a few months he calmed down, came to the wedding, and my whole family absolutely adores my husband now. Once they really get to know him and see how happy he makes you they may realize how wrong they were.

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 7:23 PM

 whelp... your father's issues aside,.... if yu and he DO marry.. how would you raise the children? I don't see an athiest with a muslim....

nerdymom26
by New Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:14 PM
1 mom liked this

hiii:) well  i want to start off by saying love is love no matter what race sex religion ect...im a married mom of two and it can be hard dealing with outside people and family that do not like your choice in the person you fall in love with or choose to date i know this first hand .im an African American woman of mixed decent my husband is a Caucasian of Irish decent and we live in a  area that is predominantly African American and we "get the look"everytime we are outside trust me at first it was super annoying but i have in lovelearned to ignore the jeers and snares of the outside world,as far as your dad goes he should be more concerned with what type of person he is and how he treats you and your child lets get into a scenario here: ask your dad how  he would feel if  is your mate was a white guy that treated you like dirt ?could he get over the fact that if you where with that person and the treated you badly ,but be ok with the scenario relationship because he looks more like you?, or would he want you to be simply happy no matter what?there are bad people in every race ,that being said if this guy you where with was a bad guy the has every right to be uncomfortable don't you agree?but from what you stated this is a good man and you deserve to be happy:) so sit down with your guy and your dad if that is too awkward get the guys together so they can get to know each other ,that may not solve all of the problems but it may give them a better understanding of each other.my in laws are slightly racist my husband uncle throws around the N word like a Frisbee but i don't let it get to me my mom asked me when we first started dating [like 10 years ago] "you know he's white  right?" ummmmlol no i didnt thanks for the news flash mom,but they have came to know and love him over time.xxbabigurlxx if he makes you feel on top of the world laugh off the negativity and stay strong  fight for what you love and try to get some for of communication open between the two good luck i wish you nothing but the bes:):)

nurse1997
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 11:08 PM

Sorry but I don't want my kids dating out side there race either.Good luck doll

deadlights86
by Emily on Jun. 17, 2014 at 7:30 AM
I was wondering that also. If you really like this guy then it might be time to not worry about your family and worry about yourself and your child. What you want and need matter more than someone's opinion. Your dad's views are extremely outdated. Does he not leave the house there are tons of interracial couples. It's not taboo anymore love is love.

Quoting Fayanne:

 whelp... your father's issues aside,.... if yu and he DO marry.. how would you raise the children? I don't see an athiest with a muslim....

LadyBast
by Brenda on Jun. 17, 2014 at 8:27 AM

Congrats to you and my dad was the same way, you can do it and he will get better... 

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