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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

what would you do?

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 8:04 AM
  • 18 Replies
Dh and I got married VERY quickly... 6 weeks after we met.

We discussed the move we would have to make (across the country, to help my mother who is fighting for her disability income, while my younger brother struggles to pay all the bills). He agreed to the move.

We discussed children. He had a vasectomy almost a year ago, and he has 2 biological children, and I have none. He said he wanted another child. He agreed to a reversal, and said we could try. We agreed that we would give it a year before actually getting the reversal done.

When it came time for our move, he tried to back out. We had already discussed the options, and he knew it was the best choice. Still, he tried to back out, and told me to move by myself. Since he knew it was a permanent situation ahead of time, I told him it's pointless to be married.

Now, if I even mention anything about kids, he laughs and says things that tell me he's not wanting more. Anytime I try to bring it up, he shuts the conversation down.

I always thought that you could grow to love somebody. And, I do love him. I don't believe in divorce, and I want to save my marriage, but I'm at a loss. He won't talk to me about these big problems, he doesn't want to see a marriage counselor, and then I'll be angry for a few days and he's back to acting like life is perfect.

I know I'm am idiot for marrying him so quickly... please don't rub it in.
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 8:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 8:25 AM

if you realy want a child he isnt the man to give you one. You need to decide stay or go what will be best in the long run.

Jellybean1123
by Jocelyn on Jun. 18, 2014 at 8:43 AM

How long have you been married? Did this move take him away from his children? I can understand his not wanting to move if that were the case. As for him not wanting kids, maybe he only agreed to a reversal because he was afraid you wouldn't want to be with him if he didn't. It's not right, but that could very well be what happened. How is your relationship otherwise? 

STEPMOMDD
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:08 AM
Wow. Doesn't seem right that he now is saying the compete opposite. To tell you to move on your own. WTH! Vasectomy reversal is a process. That is something that is all him-he has to want that. If i were in that situation and my husband backed out, i don't think I could stay married to him.
ELKmountain.mom
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:16 AM
My husband and I married after 5 weeks and we were teens so there has been lots to work through over the years. He has gotten better with age and our marriage stronger over time.
I wish you the best, it's hard to say what's right here, he isn't on the same page at all anymore but then again people change and grow and maybe this is something you can work through with another compromise. Maybe not, which is okay too for some people
serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:16 AM

takes a while to learn a person - to know them and to trust - sorry - id get a divorce and learn a lesson!

1squishysmom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:18 AM

  You may want to rethink the divorce option. If he is totally against everything he promised you, why would you want to stay married to him? You are going to be miserable. You deserve to be happy. Anyone that truly loves you would NEVER suggest that you, alone, move away from him. Seriously, he wanted you to move across the country ALONE? This doesn't sound like a marriage.

 I won't mention the getting married too soon thing. You asked us not to.

higgbreck
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 12:28 PM
6 months. We have full custody of sd15, and joint custody of ss7, and we aren't any farther from ss than we were before the move.

Quoting Jellybean1123:

How long have you been married? Did this move take him away from his children? I can understand his not wanting to move if that were the case. As for him not wanting kids, maybe he only agreed to a reversal because he was afraid you wouldn't want to be with him if he didn't. It's not right, but that could very well be what happened. How is your relationship otherwise? 

rsmom2511
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:19 PM
Not wanting to have children with you would be a deal breaker for me. If you agree to not have children and he gets his way, you nay find yourself resenting his children down the road and feeling anger towards him. You need to dig deep on this one and decide what it is you truly want, then take appropriate action. ((Hugs))
HopeAlive
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:24 PM

I'm really sorry to hear this... I know that can't be easy. Have either of you talked about marriage counseling? 

higgbreck
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm going to. Either he goes with me to counseling and participates, or I'm filling for an annulment on the grounds of fraud.

Quoting HopeAlive:

I'm really sorry to hear this... I know that can't be easy. Have either of you talked about marriage counseling? 

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