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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Just as I suspected...

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2014 at 7:49 AM
  • 40 Replies
Dh and I had a long talk last night about his recent selfish behaviors.

Going into this conversation, I thought we could work through it with marriage counseling, which he immediately said he wouldn't go to.

Then, I asked about the vasectomy reversal thing. He said he doesn't want anymore kids. Although, I had that feeling, based on his actions and things he's said, it was still a hard blow.

I asked him when he realized this, and he said it was before we moved across the country. I asked him if he understood that this was a deal-breaker for me. He said that he can't believe that I'm willing to base our marriage on a kid.

We argued about it, and how we discussed and agreed upon the reversal, and how he knew this would happen.

In the end, we decided that a divorce is imminent, but we just moved across the country and signed a year lease, so we're going to take the next month and make a plan for the split... who's moving out, who's taking what, when to tell everyone, who sd is staying with.

I am still in shock. I mean, I knew this was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier. The ink isn't even dry on the marriage license, and I just changed my name 2 months ago...
by on Jun. 23, 2014 at 7:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
angl_gurl1
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 8:13 AM

Divorce is hard I know. Been there myself

Mazie0723
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 8:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Honey kids should have been discussed before getting married. I would have never dated a man let alone marry him if he didn't want kids. I wish you the best of luck.
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 23, 2014 at 8:40 AM

im sorryhugs

View Full Size Image YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 23, 2014 at 8:41 AM

They did... he had agreed to a reversal to try to have kids at the time but changed his mind after they got married. 

Quoting Mazie0723: Honey kids should have been discussed before getting married. I would have never dated a man let alone marry him if he didn't want kids. I wish you the best of luck.


View Full Size Image YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 23, 2014 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 

View Full Size Image YVONNE

higgbreck
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:15 AM
I did. But, since he had his vasectomy less than a year ago, chances are much better.

Quoting earthangel1967:

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I see.. Please don't think I am judging you because I am definitely not... what he did was totally wrong.. it seems like he lied to you from the get go actually just to get you to marry him and then assumed once he got you to marry him then he could tell you the truth that he didn't really want to try to have anymore kids and that you would stay with him then anyway and as you mentioned on different post, especially this early into marriage, that is easily grounds for annulment due to fraud and I wish you the best... BUT just out of pure curiosity... nothing more.. if he HAD tried to have kids with you after a vasectomy reversal and it wasn't successful, he was unable to get you pregnant afterwards as sometimes is the case ... would you have stayed married to him still or left him to be with someone who could have babies with you? Obviously you don't have to even answer that if you don't want to.

I'm very sorry for your situation. 

Quoting higgbreck: I did. But, since he had his vasectomy less than a year ago, chances are much better.
Quoting earthangel1967:

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 


View Full Size Image YVONNE

higgbreck
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:52 AM
That's a whole different ball game. At this point, it's like I'm good enough for his daughter (who I consider mine) to call me Mom and take care of her, but I'm not good enough to have my own child.

Quoting earthangel1967:

I see.. Please don't think I am judging you because I am definitely not... what he did was totally wrong.. it seems like he lied to you from the get go actually just to get you to marry him and then assumed once he got you to marry him then he could tell you the truth that he didn't really want to try to have anymore kids and that you would stay with him then anyway and as you mentioned on different post, especially this early into marriage, that is easily grounds for annulment due to fraud and I wish you the best... BUT just out of pure curiosity... nothing more.. if he HAD tried to have kids with you after a vasectomy reversal and it wasn't successful, he was unable to get you pregnant afterwards as sometimes is the case ... would you have stayed married to him still or left him to be with someone who could have babies with you? Obviously you don't have to even answer that if you don't want to.

I'm very sorry for your situation. 

Quoting higgbreck: I did. But, since he had his vasectomy less than a year ago, chances are much better.

Quoting earthangel1967:

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 23, 2014 at 10:16 AM
3 moms liked this

I understand what you are saying about it being a whole different ball game... 

As for being good enough for his daughter but not being good enough to have your own.... again I AM NOT sticking up for him. I 100% promise you that!! HUGS.... but I doubt that you not being good enough to have your own is the reason why he doesn't want any more.... I would bet that it's much more about that HE just doesn't want any more kids with ANYONE EVER.. most men who get a vasectomy are pretty dead set serious about that and intend for it to be permanent before being willing to get a vasectomy in the first place  so maybe when he was talking to you about it when he lied.. MAYBE he wished he wanted more for YOUR sake because he  wants to be with you so much but that if he was honest with even himself at the time would have realized his heart wasn't in having anymore ever with anyone and he really should have just told you that so you could make an TRULY informed decisioon about if you still wanted to marry him or not knowing that truth.. the fact he lied is really awful.. also my heart really hurts for you that you  will be missing his daughter that you love as your own when you two divorce too... When Todd and I got together it was with my 4 bio kids and his 1 bio daughter that we already had full custody of each before we even met and we loved them and raised them as OUR 5 all equally and I love his amanda as if I had given birth to her and he loves my 4 bio kids as if they were his flesh and blood too so I hope he will work things out at least for his dd's sake so she can still have you in her life after the divorce. HUGS and best wishes. My heart goes out to you. 

Quoting higgbreck: That's a whole different ball game. At this point, it's like I'm good enough for his daughter (who I consider mine) to call me Mom and take care of her, but I'm not good enough to have my own child.
Quoting earthangel1967:

I see.. Please don't think I am judging you because I am definitely not... what he did was totally wrong.. it seems like he lied to you from the get go actually just to get you to marry him and then assumed once he got you to marry him then he could tell you the truth that he didn't really want to try to have anymore kids and that you would stay with him then anyway and as you mentioned on different post, especially this early into marriage, that is easily grounds for annulment due to fraud and I wish you the best... BUT just out of pure curiosity... nothing more.. if he HAD tried to have kids with you after a vasectomy reversal and it wasn't successful, he was unable to get you pregnant afterwards as sometimes is the case ... would you have stayed married to him still or left him to be with someone who could have babies with you? Obviously you don't have to even answer that if you don't want to.

I'm very sorry for your situation. 

Quoting higgbreck: I did. But, since he had his vasectomy less than a year ago, chances are much better.
Quoting earthangel1967:

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 


View Full Size Image YVONNE

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 23, 2014 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this
Yvonne is super right in ALL what she said. I do not want to seem like I am taking his side but I do agree on him allowing the kid that doesn't exist dictate your marriage. A good, strong marriage is the foundation for a healthy family home life.
If he had every intentions of not getting a reversal he shouldn't never married you. ((Hugs))


Quoting earthangel1967:

I understand what you are saying about it being a whole different ball game... 

As for being good enough for his daughter but not being good enough to have your own.... again I AM NOT sticking up for him. I 100% promise you that!! HUGS.... but I doubt that you not being good enough to have your own is the reason why he doesn't want any more.... I would bet that it's much more about that HE just doesn't want any more kids with ANYONE EVER.. most men who get a vasectomy are pretty dead set serious about that and intend for it to be permanent before being willing to get a vasectomy in the first place  so maybe when he was talking to you about it when he lied.. MAYBE he wished he wanted more for YOUR sake because he  wants to be with you so much but that if he was honest with even himself at the time would have realized his heart wasn't in having anymore ever with anyone and he really should have just told you that so you could make an TRULY informed decisioon about if you still wanted to marry him or not knowing that truth.. the fact he lied is really awful.. also my heart really hurts for you that you  will be missing his daughter that you love as your own when you two divorce too... When Todd and I got together it was with my 4 bio kids and his 1 bio daughter that we already had full custody of each before we even met and we loved them and raised them as OUR 5 all equally and I love his amanda as if I had given birth to her and he loves my 4 bio kids as if they were his flesh and blood too so I hope he will work things out at least for his dd's sake so she can still have you in her life after the divorce. HUGS and best wishes. My heart goes out to you. 

Quoting higgbreck: That's a whole different ball game. At this point, it's like I'm good enough for his daughter (who I consider mine) to call me Mom and take care of her, but I'm not good enough to have my own child.

Quoting earthangel1967:

I see.. Please don't think I am judging you because I am definitely not... what he did was totally wrong.. it seems like he lied to you from the get go actually just to get you to marry him and then assumed once he got you to marry him then he could tell you the truth that he didn't really want to try to have anymore kids and that you would stay with him then anyway and as you mentioned on different post, especially this early into marriage, that is easily grounds for annulment due to fraud and I wish you the best... BUT just out of pure curiosity... nothing more.. if he HAD tried to have kids with you after a vasectomy reversal and it wasn't successful, he was unable to get you pregnant afterwards as sometimes is the case ... would you have stayed married to him still or left him to be with someone who could have babies with you? Obviously you don't have to even answer that if you don't want to.

I'm very sorry for your situation. 

Quoting higgbreck: I did. But, since he had his vasectomy less than a year ago, chances are much better.

Quoting earthangel1967:

I know it probably doesn't matter but even with a vasectomy reversal there is NO guarantee you would be able to get pregnant .... vasectomies are meant to be permanent so sometimes reversals are successful at resulting in pregnancy and sometimes they are not at all.  I don't know if you realized that or not when you two talked about it before getting married. 

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