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marriage wake-up call

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:27 PM
  • 16 Replies
5 moms liked this

In all honestly I have a pretty easy/good life.  I'm a SAHM, my husband makes decent money, our son is healthy and thriving despite being born 3 months premature, my husband is an honest, caring, hard working man and we just built a brand new house last year.

However, for the past 9 months I haven't seen things that way.  Life had really gotten me down and I took everything out on my husband.  I turned every little tiny thing into a huge fight and I seriously talked down to him during those fights sometimes.  Things got so bad, I was repulsed by the thought of kissing him or having sex with him.  I was even thinking about doing a "trail" seperation here recently.

I was so bitter and It seemed like everything that once was good or happy in our relationship was gone after a short two years together and it was almost entirely my fault.  I was too worried about other things (like bills/money, chores, life problems, etc) instead of nurturing my relationship with my husband and before I knew it I let everything else come before our marriage.

Well, last weekend my husband's best friend accidentally shot himself through his truck console and sadly passed away during surgery.  He was only 24 and his fiance that he left behind had just turned 20.  Just being there at the funeral, watching things from almost an outside perspective and watching the fiance mourn over him really impacted me on such a deeper level.

At that point, I promised myself that I was going to try a lot harder in my marriage before it was too late.  Life is so fragile and short, I couldn't bare to go another day living the way I was.  I sat down and really thought about when my husband and I had first met, what I really loved about him, what I really wanted out of my marriage and my life.  It was time for me to separate what really mattered in life from what really didn't matter.  I came to one conclusion... although nothing will ever be 100% perfect all the time, everything I had ever dreamed about was right in front of my face.

At that boy's funeral, his fiance wasn't wondering if he had taken out the trash that morning or thinking about their living situation or the fact that he worked too much sometimes...she was thinking of her life with HIM and the life she would never be able to get back.  The person should would never be able to get back.

In a few short days it's like my relationship with my husband is brand new again.  It's amazing how far a little effort and appreciation will go.  I hate the fact that it took something SO terribly tragic to open my eyes, but I'm thankful for the wake-up call.  Each day could be our last and I don't want to spend it arguing or worrying about little things that don't matter or that I can't change.  The only way I do want to spend it is being HAPPY with my amazing husband and our son.

I am really looking forward to some better times ahead!  :O)

I just wanted to share my little story... I hope if anyone here is going through the same thing, that they could also make a change for the better!!

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by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 good for you.

Everything can change in a heartbeat.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 30, 2014 at 3:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Glad you have better outlook on your marriage. Unfortunately your husband's best friend passed away. dorry for your loss.
PogoPalOj
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 6:21 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry for your husbands' loss.  But I am so happy for you. 

UCFknight
by Brenda on Jun. 30, 2014 at 7:27 AM

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I am glad you saw your behavior and are working to change it. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but sometimes life daily juggles and trials trip us up. Keep nurturing and loving your relationship! Great job!

furbabymum
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:22 AM

 Well I'm glad you are making the change. It has been a short amount of time but it's working. That's excellent. I do think you may need some counseling in the future when your anxieties and issues resurface after this memory has faded. So please make sure you take advantage of the counselors in your area when that time comes.

MMerrill
by Melissa on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Thanks for the encouragement!  That is definitely true.  I think it was a bit of a wake-up call for my husband as well, he has been much more attentive to me lately.  Hopefully things can stay on the right track!

Quoting UCFknight:

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I am glad you saw your behavior and are working to change it. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but sometimes life daily juggles and trials trip us up. Keep nurturing and loving your relationship! Great job!


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MMerrill
by Melissa on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:30 AM

I was actually seeing a counselor but she was costing me $70 an hour and I couldn't afford her anymore.  I am considering trying to go back or find someone cheaper.  

I definitely know what you mean about things resurfacing after this has all passed and I'm definitely afraid of that...but then again, we are in control of how we act so hopefully we can keep it up!  I really just don't want to live like that anymore.  Even in this short amount of time, it's been so nice to be happy.  We honestly had no reason to be unhappy in the first place, I just let life get the best of me I guess.

Thank you for the encouragement!

Quoting furbabymum:

 Well I'm glad you are making the change. It has been a short amount of time but it's working. That's excellent. I do think you may need some counseling in the future when your anxieties and issues resurface after this memory has faded. So please make sure you take advantage of the counselors in your area when that time comes.


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furbabymum
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:36 AM

 I totally agree that we are in control of our actions, even our thoughts and emotions. We just have this issue, being human, of getting in our own way. :P My DH and I have been in counseling enough you'd think we'd really not need it. However, sometimes we just need someone to tell us to stop being stupid and get out of our heads. If you can get a friend who will do that or if you'd be positively responsive to your DH if he did it, awesome. Me, I have this issue with coming around to being wrong. I'm fairly convinced I'm always right. ;) So I need that person who doesn't have to live with me to tell me I'm wrong.

Quoting MMerrill:

I was actually seeing a counselor but she was costing me $70 an hour and I couldn't afford her anymore.  I am considering trying to go back or find someone cheaper.  

I definitely know what you mean about things resurfacing after this has all passed and I'm definitely afraid of that...but then again, we are in control of how we act so hopefully we can keep it up!  I really just don't want to live like that anymore.  Even in this short amount of time, it's been so nice to be happy.  We honestly had no reason to be unhappy in the first place, I just let life get the best of me I guess.

Thank you for the encouragement!

Quoting furbabymum:

 Well I'm glad you are making the change. It has been a short amount of time but it's working. That's excellent. I do think you may need some counseling in the future when your anxieties and issues resurface after this memory has faded. So please make sure you take advantage of the counselors in your area when that time comes.

 

bestefforts
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:40 AM

Sorry for your loss. And good for you in turning such a tragedy into a positive life lesson. The hardest thing in life can sometimes be to focus on the "important" stuff, rather than the "loud" stuff.

My husband and I are not star-crossed, romantic figures. We are very clear about the fact that we wake up every morning and CHOOSE each other.

MMerrill
by Melissa on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:56 AM

Thank you for the encouragement!

My favorite saying is "love is a choice first and feeling second".  Sometimes I do have to choose to love my husband and I know the past few months he has been making the choice to love me, no matter how miserable I was making our marriage.

I am so very thankful for the wake-up call.  I know there will still be hard times to come, but now I hope to handle them a lot differently and most importantly not get caught up in the stupid things that don't matter.

Quoting bestefforts:

Sorry for your loss. And good for you in turning such a tragedy into a positive life lesson. The hardest thing in life can sometimes be to focus on the "important" stuff, rather than the "loud" stuff.

My husband and I are not star-crossed, romantic figures. We are very clear about the fact that we wake up every morning and CHOOSE each other.


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