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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Wedding Regrets

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 11:34 AM
  • 40 Replies

For those who prefer not to get bogged down in the details, just read the bold LOL

Over five years later, I am starting to regret not having a formal wedding. At the time, my husband and I were young and focused on building our future. Spending our life together was no question; it just had to be. The manner in which we began, however, was debated for a bit before just giving in and heading to the courthouse.

For the most part, I think it was a wise financial investment to go the route we did. We have an extensive financial portfolio, retirement funds, and savings; we are homeowners; we have our careers....yada yada yada. But I regret not having everything else that comes from walking down the aisle and being given away; my mother assuredly won't let me forget that her oldest child took that away from her.

People have been joking that we have 13 years under our belt and if we blew the money on a wedding, we probably would not have lasted. I do think it ironic how some of the most beautiful weddings I have been to end in early divorces. It could be that many are focused on the materialism and the show of it all, when all we wanted was each other. I'm sure everyone can see how we pour our hearts into each other everyday (and I'm often told it's sickening how much we like each other still). It's a little game to us to strive to make each other blush daily with some gesture of love, and sometimes it just happens to be in public. I know him knowing that I love and cherish him is what is most important, and that an actual wedding does not matter.

I realize that we could always do a vow renewal with all the bells and whistles, but that still won't be the same. Perhaps I will climb to the highest elevation with a REALLY loud blow horn and shout my vows, and that would take care of all this nonsense.

For all the ladies that did have a wedding or are planning a wedding, what do you see as the pro and cons? If you went the route we did, what do you see as the pros and cons?


by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 11:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BonitaM
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 11:43 AM
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DH and I eloped to the courthouse.  Yes, both sets of familiy's were upset but they got over it.  We couldn't afford the wedding of my dreams and I'm a have it all or nothing at all kind of girl so if I couldn't have that I didn't want anything.  My MIL was causing all sorts of drama I didn't need or want.  My grandma was inviting people I had never met so my initial guest list went from 30 to 300.  The only thing that mattered to me was making DH mine forever so in the end I'm really glad we did elope.  I love that man more than anything and I have no regrets how we went about it. 

serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this

seriously regreting a wedding is crazy - have a fun party - the wedding stuff isn't that fun anyway for the guests - a bunch of sitting around waiting on food and then watching the same stuff (flowers - cake - etc) have a nice anniversary party...

 

Jessplus31979
by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 12:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it was awesome on how you did it. Good for you! You guys can always do one later and really save for it. This is what I tell my brides all the time; you don't have to get a $500.00 gown that you will only wear once. Find a $100.00 prom dress and spend the rest of that money on just having a blast!!

UCFknight
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

You guys did what was best for you at the time! While we had the big wedding, several months before my husband and I did a JOP at the church we eventually had the big ceremony in. He was deploying for seven months, to a combat zone, and wanted us to be married before he left. When we finally did have our big wedding, it was taken care of by my mom and wedding planner who is also my cousin. I was in my senior year of college, so I didn't do much other than giving them the thumbs up or down for ideas. It was a beautiful wedding, and my husband and I cherish it so much.

No advice for others planning, except try not to stress so much over every detail. At  the end of the day your guests will not remember the flowers you carried, or the flavor cake that was eaten. They will remember the love they got to witness of two people.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jul. 10, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

While, I understand getting caught up in the magic of a wedding, it's the marriage that truly counts. Instead of focusing on the past, try and focus on the joy of your marriage. How lucky you are to be happily married and how lucky you are to have in your life. Or while focusing on that you could plan a vow renewal?

KandC1115
by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 3:07 PM

I am with you. I regret not pulling out all the stops for my wedding. We were married a year (2nd marriages for us both) before we even told anyone else, including my kids. We acted like it was no big deal. Of course we couldn't afford anything big anyway, so I guess it happened the way it was supposed to. The important thing is that we are together and we are in love, even after 7 years of marriage and nearly 10 years together. Hell, we don't even celebrate our anniversary!! We are more likely to acknowkedge the day we met before the day we were married.

amberNewman0213
by Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 3:14 PM
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I didn't do anything with my first marriage. This time around I am. We are keeping it pretty simple (under $5000) but it's gonna be like a cookout laid back wedding at a plantation. Why don't u renew your vows at the beach or something. It's fairly cheap and really beautiful.
cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Jul. 10, 2014 at 4:36 PM

Me and my dh got married at the court house and I don't regret it because I knew at some point we could have an actual ceremony and all that.

lillybug222
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 4:38 PM
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I let my mom call the shots. Huge mistake. I didn't get to have the wedding I wanted. There was a lot of drama with DH's family at the time. Looking back, I kind of wish we would have just eloped.
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meagan517
by Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 4:51 PM
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When we got married I had just give birth to twins. We did a super small thing at the park with our immediate family and it costs $600.00 total. I didn't want to plan a huge wedding and really didn't have the time and two years later it's still the best decision I ever made to keep it small!
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