Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I feel like my husband's in love with his family more than me.

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:43 AM
  • 29 Replies

We got married in June. We've known each other for 7 years. We've been living together for about a year. I'm four months pregnant. Up until two weeks ago, he was the perfect husband. Compliments all the time, flowers every week, a date every day. Gentle and kind. Never ever said a negative word to me. And then two weeks ago he said he wasn't happy and that he was leaving. He came back the next day and slept (he works nightshift) and the went to work again. Then for the next weeks leading up to now he has been spending every day at his parents house, day and night, no call or text or warning. Today he came back because I told him if he wasn't going to live in our house, his belonging's weren't going to live in our house either.

His family has never liked me. From day one his grandmother was trying to get him to dump me to the curb. Who knows why. I "stole her little boy"? Even though she's backhanded him and slit open his cheek with a ring before.

His mom has never actually said anything horrible in front of me, but she found out I was pregnant July 4th and it appeared she was trying to get me to have a miscarriage. I try to talk to her and she gives me these looks like, "Uh.... You're incredibly stupid, I don't want to talk to you."

His brother absolutely hates me the most, by far. He hates me because I exposed his drug addiction and he got a slap on the hand. He's the most spoiled out of the entire household. He could be some of the reason my husband's family hates me so much. He made up lies to make me appear a cruel person to everyone.

His dad, who I thought would be the most difficult to communicate with because of a history of abuse, is actually the easiest and most mellow. 

My husband says he never gets to see his family because of me.

Today we had a huge conversation - the first in weeks - and I told him, "When you chose to marry me you chose to make me your family. They are now your relatives. Me, the baby, and you. That's the family you have now. There is no middle ground. You either live in my home or their home. That's it. It's like having two queen bees. One of them is going to die, because there can only be one."

And he told me he just plain out doesn't get that. He says, "Why can't I just have both?"

I reiterated the queen bee example. He reiterated that was a stupid conclusion and it wasn't going to happen.

Finally at the end he said, "Then I think it's time I move back in with my mom."

What is wrong with him?? How do I get it in his head that he needs to grow up and leave his mom? I don't have the resources to fix this. I have tried my best to get along with his family, but it's like an entirely different planet. I'm a human trying to walk amongst aliens.

by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:43 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Ealasme
by New Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:49 AM

BUMP!

Ealasme
by New Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:50 AM

BUMP!

CrossStitchMum
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:59 AM
I'm sorry mama. I know how you feel. I got DH to move away from his family because we were going over there nearly every afternoon and doing nothing but watching their TV. I was trying to fix our marriage but I couldn't because we were never alone! But now living away from them he still rings them with any important decision we have to make. Like a new job for example. He had been offered a good job and we both agreed it was best for now. Halfway there he rang his father who told him it was a bad choice of a job so he turned around and came home! Any last decisions about when or where we take vacations is ultimately their decision. They have a say in any big purchases we make. Yeah it's a mess.
Ealasme
by New Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 5:05 AM

I don't even know what happened though. He used to trust me. If I said jump, he would, because he knows I would know best. And not to be arrogant or anything, but I do know best most of the time. It's like he's stuck in childhood mode and doesn't realize he has an actual child on the way.

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 and you just got married in JUNE?

1) you got involved in a family that was already high drama, it seems

2) 2 weeks ago he flipped the switch to unhappy? After just getting married?????

Well,... biblically, a man leaves his family to join with his wife, so you and baby should be his #1 priority, but there is something else going on here and I can't figure it out

if so many family members don't like you, I'd have left long ago, especially with all the drama already going on...

counseling

good luck

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:29 AM
3 moms liked this

 

Quoting Ealasme:

I don't even know what happened though. He used to trust me. If I said jump, he would, because he knows I would know best. And not to be arrogant or anything, but I do know best most of the time. It's like he's stuck in childhood mode and doesn't realize he has an actual child on the way.

 ahhhh... there's  the problem.

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

schatzi869
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:40 AM
3 moms liked this
That comment alone makes it easier to see why he would leave you.

Quoting Ealasme:

I don't even know what happened though. He used to trust me. If I said jump, he would, because he knows I would know best. And not to be arrogant or anything, but I do know best most of the time. It's like he's stuck in childhood mode and doesn't realize he has an actual child on the way.

LadyBast
by Brenda on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:58 AM

So sorry but he needs to grow up learn responsibility and move on he sounds like a big baby and the baby of the family.. Good luck you may have to just give up and walk away if he does not change...

UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 9:11 AM
6 moms liked this

This is going to sound harsh.but it needs to be said.  Your comment is shocking! he is a grown man. you said his father, and grandmother abused him and his brother is a druggie. Well now it seems he married someone who is controlling. This poor man needs counselling. And you need to stop referring to your relationship as the "queen bee" scenario. In marriage there is no king/queen. He is not your worker bee, he is your husband. It is give and take, love and respect, honor and caring for one another. He is stuck in his childhood. He needs counselling to find out why he allows everyone in his life to walk all over him.

Quoting Ealasme:

I don't even know what happened though. He used to trust me. If I said jump, he would, because he knows I would know best. And not to be arrogant or anything, but I do know best most of the time. It's like he's stuck in childhood mode and doesn't realize he has an actual child on the way.


rockinmomto2
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 9:21 AM

My husband was a lot like that at first. It took a long time (6-7 years) for him to finally pull his head out of his ass and see his mother and aunt for who they really are. You need to just let him go. My husband moved out when our daughter was 22 months old, and our son was 3 weeks old. It was AWFUL. He was gone for a week before he realized how good he'd had it with me, and how horrible it was at his moms house.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)