Thinking about calling it quits a couple years after we adopted our first child, a TEENAGER, together
I have been married for six years now. I was emotionally quite young when we tied the knot... 23, but without much experience in love, sex, dating, etc. We were both virgins and I was looking for an escape from my parents' home. I didn't believe in living together with a partner before marriage and my SO seemed nice enough. I had dreams that it could work. I had real hope and our marriage was pretty good for awhile.
We decided to adopt through the foster system a couple years ago and met a teenage boy at an adoption party. We knew he was special and began the process to bring him home. First time parents to a teen! I know! But I considered myself an expert on the topic of adoption. I read about it since I was a teenager myself because I always wanted to grow my family that way. Well, seeing my spouse as a parent has given me one real, lasting feeling: I DO NOT want to have any more children with him. Biological or otherwise. He is not strong, he is not a leader, he has so many backwards thoughts on raising children. He is lazy, uninvolved in family life, he shuts down and withdraws and would rather be watching a show on his ipad or working on one of his own hobbies than doing what me and my son enjoy... hiking, biking, running, playing outdoors.
I've grown and changed as a woman since we were married. I'm not the same timid shy girl with insecurities that I used to be. He's stayed the same and I just grieve when I think of staying with him. He isn't what I want or need anymore. There is no intimacy in our relationship nor has there ever been. I always hoped we would get there, but he doesn't know how to pursue me, how to have conversations, or how to support me. I barely respect him anymore because I feel he gives nothing and does nothing and never tries. I've given up and I no longer try to seek him because I'm so exhausted from being the only one who ever does. My emotional, sexual, spiritual needs are not being met by him.
I don't even want to tell him and ask for him to work on it. I know he is not the kind of man I am compatible with. I realize I married the totally wrong person. HELP. Has anyone else ever been through this? I don't know how to tell him. And I also don't want to until our son has moved out. He is about to turn 16 so only a couple more years. I just don't know. I'm so unhappy. I want a real man and I've given up hoping my husband will get there or that I will be able to "settle" for who he is. He deserves better than a wife who doesn't want to have his children and no longer enjoys his company... am I wrong here???