Do you think my marriage is repairable or is it time to go. I need honest advice.
I would love some advice on this topic because I'm honestly really confused on what to do. Do I stay and live like this until my sons graduate school (they are still very young 5 & 7), or do I move on and give myself a chance at happiness?
My husband and I have been married for 6 years now and it has been miserable for me pretty much the entire time. I do not love him, I don't feel any spark for him, we have sex maybe once every few months, and we are pretty much passing ships. He says he really loves me and is attracted me to but I feel nothing.
To explain our relationship a little more, I got pregnant very soon after meeting him and we weren't really in a real dating relationship. I went through my entire pregnancy alone and really honestly had a lot of anger towards in during my pregnancy. When my son was 3 months old we decided to try and start dating to see where it would take us. I was semi happy but still felt like something major was missing from our relationship. I didn't feel like I really knew him that well and I didn't feel like it was a conventional relationship where you meet, like each other, grow to love each other and then couldn't imagine your life without this person. We decided it would be best for our son to be married so we were married at the court house when he was a year. Shortly after that I became pregnant again. I tried so hard to love him in the beginning and be happy but it wasn't working. I didn't trust him, I didn't feel safe with him (emotionally), I didn't feel like he nurtured my soul the way I needed. For the first 4 year of our marriage my husband worked a lot (16 hour shifts 3-4 times a week), and often went to the bar after work. I was home with two babies and often times I had no idea where he was, he didn't answer his phone, lied about where he was, and came home drunk. I became more resentful and my angry grew and grew. One night he came home drunk after working 3 16 hour shifts and gave me quite a tale about what he did that night and I knew everything he was telling me was a lie. I kept asking him to explain because it wasn't adding up and I asked him if he was cheating on me, and he said yes and lots of times and that he never loved me and was only with me for the kids and wanted to separate. The next day when he was sober he said that he didn't mean it and that he never cheated on me but said that to give me the out I was looking for because I was so unhappy. However, I believe that the truth comes out when you are drinking. After that night, he stopped drinking and going out but maybe only a few times a year. He has since gotten closer to God and has changed a lot for the better. But, I can't get over that stuff. No woman wants to hear that or be treated like that. We really are not compatible in so many away and I feel like we got married for all the wrong reasons. We never do anything fun together, we have never once in almost 8 years gone on vacation together, we just live this boring mundane life together. I just want a man that cherishes my heart, someone I trust, and admire, and someone I actually want to be around and love. I feel so much resentment for him and there is no compatibility. We have gone to 3 different counselors and still we can't seem to fix anything. I just want to be happy and truly love someone and feel loved back in the way that I need it. I don't want a boring, resentful, loveless marriage.
I'm not sure what to do. Do I stay for my children even though I'm so unhappy or do you think this marriage has too much hurt to repair?