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Inisght to this...odd... start to a relationship-ish?

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:33 PM
  • 12 Replies

So, met this guy about 7 months ago and we really hit it off. Awesome chemistry, sex was great, got a long really well, have lots of the same interest and we just really jive together. For the first 4 months we saw each other every weekend, texted every day, stayed over at each others houses and just hung out. I really hate "dates" and so we never actually went on an actual, formal "date" you could say. We occasionally would grab cheap Mexican food and go to the river or something outdoorsy (guess you could consider it a date.)

We both love the outdoors. We both have the same sense of humor. We have the same values, beliefs and life goals. We basically are the same person, but he is a bit of a wild child while I'm (just a little) more grounded.

Throughout this whole time, he was texting/flirting with other girls, so I followed suit and texted/talked to other guys. I never actually went out on a date or anything with anyone else (I was always with him) and neither did he, but I found it sort of odd.

Sometimes, I would mention dating and he would say something like "all a relationship is is a title/its pointless/why change a good thing." Of course, this would put me off a little because I REALLY like this guy. Other times, if I would echo what he said and said something about being OKAY without a title, he would say "awh come on, dating isn't that bad/we could be dating right now/I would be with you/that hurts my feelings."

He always is very sweet and says things like, "Im not gonna leave you/when are we getting married/come over tonight, I just want to cuddle (and he really does)" and does really sweet things (took me on a boat ride to a beach and built a fire and just had a sweet night)

But then, in the middle of this thing he went off on a tangent with another girl. He got distant for about two weeks, and then we all went on a trip and he invited two other girls, got drunk, and started trying to sleep with girl A. I wasn't sure what to think. I cried, went home, he yelled, I cut contact for about a week and then decided I wasn't going to let him ruin a friendship with ALL my other friends (we all hang out with the same people.) So, I kept hanging out and he brings Girl A around for about 3 weeks, never sleeps with her, and then drops ALL the girls he has been flirting with and is now back to what it was before.

We have been back "on" for 3 or so weeks, and its been great. I'm extremely happy.

My question is - WTF. I'm not really sure what to do about the situation. Part of me is like...yeah, he is never going to STAY faithful, but does that make him a shitty guy? On one hand, I want to cut off contact because its already off to a weird start. But, before this I was in a super long term (like the only long term) relationship I had been in and am not really sure how to handle beginning relationships and if this is truly just normal or not. On the other, I want to stick around and see where it goes, but I have a history of being a doormat, and my friends seem to think I'm back in that cycle.


Edit: I DID bring up the change of heart and he said that when he was out of town, I went camping at the lake and went fishing with two of my guy (platonic) friends. He had never met/heard of them though, so I could understand it looking bad. He said he got jealous, and guessed that obviously things were not like he thought so he moved onto someone else, but didn't last for long because he missed what we had.

by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OHgirlinCA
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

 It doesn't look like he's ready for an exclusive commitment.  You have to decide if you're ok with that or not no matter if you think he's a good guy or not.  If you want a monogamous relationship, then drop him and move on.

furbabymum
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:13 PM

 Why would you want to be back "on" with him at all? He's showed you who he is.

You have kids? How are you being this together with a guy if you have kids?

EmmaLee1122
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:16 PM

I joined when I was pregnant several years ago, but we ended up losing our daughter (previous relationship.) I post here occassionally for relationship advice, becuase it seems like a good outlet and community. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Why would you want to be back "on" with him at all? He's showed you who he is.

You have kids? How are you being this together with a guy if you have kids?

furbabymum
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:41 PM

 We are a good community! I still think you're an idiot if you get back together with this guy expecting anything more than a sex friend.

Quoting EmmaLee1122:

I joined when I was pregnant several years ago, but we ended up losing our daughter (previous relationship.) I post here occassionally for relationship advice, becuase it seems like a good outlet and community. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Why would you want to be back "on" with him at all? He's showed you who he is.

You have kids? How are you being this together with a guy if you have kids?

 

EmmaLee1122
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:55 PM

I know youu guys are probably right. BUT I realllllly have a connection with this guy, and him with me. We get along so well, and I honestly think that he WANTS a relationship, just has a hard time figuring it out, maybe?

Also, how do I drop him without dropping the rest of my friends? These are the people I have been with every weekend for the past 1/2 year, and we have all become extremely close. Any tips?



LadyBast
by Brenda on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:21 PM

Just be friends with all of them but friends only! I would limit it to friends nothing more after reading all of this! If he cannot do that then his loss and he may come back and be a friend!

Quoting EmmaLee1122:

I know youu guys are probably right. BUT I realllllly have a connection with this guy, and him with me. We get along so well, and I honestly think that he WANTS a relationship, just has a hard time figuring it out, maybe?

Also, how do I drop him without dropping the rest of my friends? These are the people I have been with every weekend for the past 1/2 year, and we have all become extremely close. Any tips?




UCFknight
by Brenda on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:32 PM

Here is some insight, this will never be anything more than just sex. If you want to have fun and not find the man you want to be with, then by all means stay and enjoy, but you are wasting good years on this guy. Men who say they don't like titles, haven't met the one they want and cannot live without. If you were really as important to him, as he says, he wouldn't want to let you go, or talk and hang out with other women. 

He is keeping his options open! You are a great lay, but nothing more than that. Sorry to be so blunt, I just hate seeing women waste their time on someone who clearly wants nothing from them but booty or someone todo hang with when they are bored.

furbabymum
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:32 PM

 Think like this, instead of talking to you to find out what happened when you were camping he dropped you and started up with another girl. Is that the kind of reaction and communication you want in a relationship? Probably not. Communication like that, where there is none, is how marriages fail hard. So you're better off moving on.

As far as the friends, you were still friends with him when he dropped you right? Well then what's the issue?

Quoting EmmaLee1122:

I know youu guys are probably right. BUT I realllllly have a connection with this guy, and him with me. We get along so well, and I honestly think that he WANTS a relationship, just has a hard time figuring it out, maybe?

Also, how do I drop him without dropping the rest of my friends? These are the people I have been with every weekend for the past 1/2 year, and we have all become extremely close. Any tips?

 

 

 

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:24 PM

 you seem to make an awful lot of excuses for him

never put into a relationship with a man you're not married to more than he is willing to put in himself

the 'extra girls' thing just weirds me out

if you just 'want to see where this goes' and you're not willing to set up the parameters of the relationship, then expect to be the doormat again

'connection' or not, he doesn't treat you with much respect, you're just his convenience

 

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:57 PM

He sounds REALLY immature. He's telling you enough to string you along. Your intuition is telling you something is weird/wrong, listen to it. I know you really like him, but listen to it anyway. You'll be kicking yourself later if you don't. Remember the pain you felt when he brought the other girls for the weekend. That should make it easier.

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