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He cheated - but I can't leave

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:28 PM
  • 105 Replies

Ladies - a little history. We have 2 kids. Ages 12 and 9.  The first time I ever met his family they told me he was married (he had told me he was seperated and had been for awhile) but his family argued with HIM that he was married and was with her (the wife) on Easter of that year -- I met them like 2 weeks after Easter and had been seeing him for almost 2 months by then. 

  • I left him the first time in 2007 - because he CHEATED on my with a friend of ours! She denies it, he denied it, but their stories never added up. Won't go into that. I divorced him in 2008 but I was beyond devastated. He can't be "alone" and within 4 months of me moving out he moved in with another lady and lied about it. I was miserable. He would bring her with him when he picked up the kids, the kids would come home talking about her - it was killing me!!!! We were divorced about 15 months during which time I dont know how many times I dated - less than 3-4. but him with someone else was killing me --- besides the fact that there was another woman in my kids lives
  • In late 2009 we agreed to get back together (he's STILL living with this woman). I will NEVER forget he had spent an entire weekend with me and the kids and on Sunday told me that he had to go stay at her house or she would get suspicious and he needed to get his stuff out before she found out and laid it all in the street. I'm STUPID!!!! That should've stopped me dead in my tracks!! Anyway, he went to her house - hell he even took his dad with him -- and they spent the night there so he could load his stuff up!! I didn't ask if she was there or if she stayed there that night.
  • He moves back home - kids are estactic!! I believe things are good.
  • Fast Forward about a year and I never found concrete evidence, but I thought (and I think I still believe) he was cheating on me with the woman he had moved in with. I asked around, got more suspicious - but no "real" evidence.
  • Fast Forward to October 2013 --- I catch him red handed on the phone at 2am having "phone sex". he denied it. I pulled cell phone records dating all the way back to April 2013 of this one particular number. I called it, I text it, I traced it, NOTHING worked -- must've been a pay as you go phone. Then I got onto his Facebook account and found emails between him and a old high school friend dating back over a year that he'd been emailing her and cooking her dinners and all kinds of shit.This is NOT the same woman that was on the phone - 2 different women.
  • Got into therapy - he denied sex wtih ANY OF THEM -- finally admitted where he could see HOW i COULD CONSIDER IT AN AFFAIR -- but maybe just an emotional one! Really?
  • We stayed in therapy for about 4 months before we found out that our insurance wasn't going to cover this particular therapist so I started looking for another one. We still haven't been back. I've told him over the months that we've got to go back - he just lets it go
  • my self confidence is non existent now
  • I've lost 42 pounds - which I needed to loose but not like this
  • but I can't leave him - I can't put my kids through another divorce and more and more women in and out of their lives because their dad can't be alone

what am I going to do???

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
UCFknight
by Brenda on Jul. 30, 2014 at 3:44 PM
23 moms liked this

Kids can handle a lot more than we think. Honestly, you need to kick him out. Divorce his ass again, and please stop allowing him to walk all over you. Your extreme weight loss was due to stress. You are going to cause some serious damage to your body if you do not cut out this toxicity. Your husband is a male whore, among other things. You deserve happiness, peace, and your kids are probably tired of seeing what has been going on at home. Don't they deserve a happy life as well? Change the locks, file the paperwork, and get into individual therapy. We are all given one life to live...do you really want this one life to be like this? What if your kids came to you as adults with these stories of their spouse? Would you want them to stick it out or let go and find true happiness in being away from such a terrible person? Let him go! You don't have to leave, but I highly suggest he does!

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:23 PM
9 moms liked this

 so... by staying with him you will keep other women out of your kids' lives... but pretty darn soon they're going to really start putting the pieces together, and they'll figure it out anyway.

Good lord, woman.. grow yourself a backbone and get the divorce. Take yourself to counseling and thenn move on to a real relationship, and start setting a better example for your kids

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

LadyBast
by Brenda on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:23 PM
2 moms liked this

I have to agree kick him out and be done with it, you need better and so do the kids!

ragdoll7777
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

You need peace of mind, you need to leave this man once a for all, your kids could pick up on your vibes which aren't good due to the stress he's putting you through. YES, you can and should leave. Your kids will see their mom stand up for herself instead of having to put up with so much shit from him. Let him explain to them, why your marriage doesn't work. Do what's best for you, remember your kids will get old and start their own lives anyway, they will be fine. Go be happy and leave this asshole.

mischele
by Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:30 PM
I wouldn't stand for that BS. Your kids deserve better
MomToovey
by Marianne on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:31 PM

 Exactly this. Sorry momma.

Quoting UCFknight:

Kids can handle a lot more than we think. Honestly, you need to kick him out. Divorce his ass again, and please stop allowing him to walk all over you. Your extreme weight loss was due to stress. You are going to cause some serious damage to your body if you do not cut out this toxicity. Your husband is a male whore, among other things. You deserve happiness, peace, and your kids are probably tired of seeing what has been going on at home. Don't they deserve a happy life as well? Change the locks, file the paperwork, and get into individual therapy. We are all given one life to live...do you really want this one life to be like this? What if your kids came to you as adults with these stories of their spouse? Would you want them to stick it out or let go and find true happiness in being away from such a terrible person? Let him go! You don't have to leave, but I highly suggest he does!

 



MrsHayward1
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:35 PM
2 moms liked this

 Sorry to here that you are having a hard time. But hunny you need to pick yourelf up and get you and your children out of this situation.  He will never stop you have to stop it you and only you. Get some help for yourself. FYI think of your children they are watching this and know what is going on. Remember only you can stop it the children might be happy but you are making yourself sick.

4kings1queen
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:07 PM
2 moms liked this
Im sorry this is going on but I will say this.....
WAKE THE HELL UP!! This man does not love you nor his kids. Because for one he would never let his kids witness his behavior. Clearly he is incapable of being trusted. So in that case whats it gonna take for you to leave? I would not be paying for therapy. He will not change until he is ready. He is selfish and as long as you enable his behavior he will continue to do what you allow. Good luck.
M4LG5
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 It sounds like no matter what....these women will be with him and in your lives.  It sucks for your kids but what he is doing is out of your control so you need to do what is in your control.....get out!

cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to just divorce him and move on because you deserve to be in a marriage that you are happy in with someone who willl love you and not cheat on you.  It might be hard on the kids at first but your happiness matters to.

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