DF and I have been together almost 5yrs and have a 2yr old. I am also 37wks pregnant. About a week and a half ago, I caught him cheating on me. He was sexting a girl he met at the bar he works at part time and slept with her one night when I was at work. To my knowledge, they were only in contact about 2-3 weeks. He broke off contact with her after I found out. The days since then have been a rollercoaster from us deciding to work it out to me throwing him out and back. Our relationship has been rocky for some time, but I had not realized it was quite this bad. His reasoning for his actions were that he has started to feel emasculated, has lost himself, and needs more freedom. I've been upset with him for months for not pulling his weight financially and emotionally for our family, using his ADHD as a crutch, and not handling his responsibilities around the house. During the week of drama, he asked for a month to move out, suggested living apart for a time, expressed an interest in dating me again, and said he needed to spend more time with his friends. Did I mention I'm 37wks pregnant, due 8/28, and planning a home birth? I finally told him a day or two ago that none of that was fair to me and that he needed to decide if he was going to stay with me and be part of this family or whether he was going to go. I have a baby to plan for and don't have time for his selfishness. He said he wanted to stay and suggested that we go to counseling. I think that's a great idea because I never truly wanted to separate and am committed to mending our relationship. Our finances are stabilizing so that legally marrying would make sense and I was (previously) planning on suggesting that we do it after the baby was born.
Here's my question, I'm not sure our insurance will cover counseling. We are currently finishing up paying our midwife, so we will not be able to afford paying out of pocket until next payday which is in two weeks. Also, counseling is a process and results are not immediate. Unfortunately, there is a timeline on me feeling safe with him because I'm about to give birth. Things have been normal-ish at home, but I still feel extremely awkward. Somehow, I feel like I'm the one that has to fight for him to stay. I do understand him wanting find himself again because so do I, but I have no idea how to achieve that right now. If he desperately needs independence, I desperately need attention and emotional support. I felt uncomfortable that he was present for my prenatal appointment this week and I was fully clothed the entire time. I told him before he left for work this morning that I wanted to talk about us when he got home and he said ok. I'm hoping to find some ideas on how to balance our needs right now. I don't want to return to the status quo and have these issues resurface because they weren't addressed nor do I want his presence to hinder this birth. How do I balance his need for autonomy with my need for intimacy? Are there internet resources to aid communication? Is there a book I should buy? I want to gently start the healing process while we get counseling sorted out. I also want him to understand that he has to put effort into this too.
I'm sorry this is long. I just wanted to get some back story out there. Thanks in advance for suggestions.