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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

read my story...getting married soon..need advice..

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:09 PM
  • 41 Replies
Hello everyone.. this is going to be a little long but I need some advice on me and my fiance... I don't have any friends where I can go to and tell my story to and trust anymore so I'm turning to finding some on here! I have been through a lot with him and it's been pretty hard for me to let all things he's done to me go..we're getting married soon and I'm just a little afraid of it cause of everything he's done to me.. I know marriage is a beautiful beautiful thing and I know it brings so many blessings in your life but it can also be a little hard. Well here's my story...

Me and my fiance have been on and off since 2009. We were 16 when we met. And had our first baby girl at 17. While I was pregnant with her that's where everything went downhill. He started talking to other girls behind my back, having sex with one of my friends back then, and being all over the place rather then being by my side for the baby. I guess he was afraid of being a father so young..but it always stuck on me. Anyway, when I found out about it I didn't want nothing to do with him..but then my daughter came to this world and we ended up getting back together somehow...we then got engaged for the first time and after that I got pregnant again.. and he moved into my parents house with me and that's when things went downhill again... he started to be all about his guy friends again. Always out with them always partying drinking smoking. And one day I had checked his phone and I noticed he still had naked pictures of girls that he cheated on me with in his email and pictures that he told me he deleted along time ago. Which I couldn't understand how after so long he still had them. He ended up telling me he forgot about them..and I forgave him... but he didn't live with me anymore he lived with his mom now but then around that time I started noticing that whenever I went to his mother's house there was a young girl that was his sister's best friend.. who would be there a lot, I notice he would check her out a lot and made me feel really uncomfortable. And noticed she would look at me wrong like jealous kind of way. And one day when me and her arrived at his mother's house at the same time she walked into their house before me and I was right behind her and she slammed the door in my face. So after that I started asking him if he had anything with her and he said no that he would tell me he would never do anything with this disgusting chick that he didn't know what her problem was.. so then time passes by..I have my second daughter..and this chick is still always around.. and starts posting pics of her and my kids saying she loves her babies.. and missed them blah blah.. and it upset me. And I started bringing her up to a friend of mine and she told me that my fiance and her actually had a past together. That he had gotten her pregnant before but she lost it.. and that that girl supposedly can't let that go or him go. So apparently its true..his sister and mom knew it too but he denies it till this day that he didn't get her pregnant.. but he did have something with her. And I just was so hurt and felt so stupid for being around her and the family and they hid this from me.. I still remember that on thanksgiving I wasn't invited to their dinner but she was And my kids were there and everything too... but anyway I threw the engagement ring at him and didn't want nothing to do with him.. he said he didn't want her that it was a long time ago that the thing with them happened but I wasn't caring what he said and I was upset that his mom and family always put this girl before me. I wanted to kick her ass, honestly lol, but his mom said I had to get through to her before I get to this chick.. but anyway we split up for almost a year..but he always wanted to try being with me throughout that year but I wasn't having it. Well yyeah people were telling me that he got the chick pregnant again.. but they weren't sure because she had a boyfriend at the time they had sex. I was with someone so I didn't care.
Months pass by I ended up getting hurt by my boyfriend at the time too. My babies father heard about it and was really there for me and was apologizing and saying he would do anything for me to put a smile on my face and he said he didn't like to see me getting hurt cause he knows he put me through so much he didn't want to see me get hurt again. So we ended up talking and he told me he didn't think it was his baby. And that he didn't want her and always wanted me. (I didn't believe it cause he lied about her for so long and then goes back to her after everything) his excuse for having sex with her was so he can get me mad and jealous, for leaving him. Which is messed up. But yeah anyway I was making the decision for me and my kids to move away from the city we were at and he said he wanted to come and he was going change for me and the girls and be a man and I said it was ok, cause I'm always forgiving and I wanted to see that happen. So we move... he's going to church, stopped smoking, stopped drinking, has stopped cursing so much. And has been helping me with the girls a lot more than he ever did. We find out the chick had her baby.. he didn't care but he took a test to see if it was his.. a week passes by,were doing good, He proposes to me and the day after he proposed to me.. he found out the baby is his.... I blew up. I just lost it... I didn't want to go through having her in our lives forever.. it just had me thinking he's gonna go back to her like he always did. He's going to lie, like he always did. He's going to leave me.. etc etc.. he was calm when he received a text from his mom about the news.. which I felt like because he already knew it was his.. but anyway he told me it didn't change his mind about me, that he still wants to marry me and loves me, that he didn't care about her. And me...always forgiving, gave him a chance to show me. Now he wants to get married on the 30th of August. And I'm afraid.. idk if we should or if we shouldn't.. I'm lost and have so many thoughts in my head. Idk what to do, there's days when I don't even get turned on with him cause of everything and I don't even want to say I love you to him, because I've been so heartbroken with him. I know this was long but I just need a friend... talking to people I barely know is better than having my old friends who probably had something with him since he was all over the place in the past. Help 😞
by on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:22 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to listen to your gut and not jump into a marriage you aren't 1000% sure about.
TommyAbby
by Melissa on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:34 PM

This is a hot mess. 

How old are you two now? 

I wouldn't jump into marriage yet until you have really had the time together to see how he handles this daddy thing with the new baby. 


nickeeg2
by Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:43 PM
It is a hot mess.. I had trouble writing it. We're 22 now. He says he doesn't want nothing to do with the other baby which I dislike because the baby has nothin to do with it. But he doesn't care what I think or anyone thinks about it he says.

Quoting TommyAbby:

This is a hot mess. 

How old are you two now? 

I wouldn't jump into marriage yet until you have really had the time together to see how he handles this daddy thing with the new baby. 

alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:49 PM

You need to hold off on the marriage. You are still young. 

Quoting nickeeg2: It is a hot mess.. I had trouble writing it. We're 22 now. He says he doesn't want nothing to do with the other baby which I dislike because the baby has nothin to do with it. But he doesn't care what I think or anyone thinks about it he says.
Quoting TommyAbby:

This is a hot mess. 

How old are you two now? 

I wouldn't jump into marriage yet until you have really had the time together to see how he handles this daddy thing with the new baby. 



TommyAbby
by Melissa on Aug. 7, 2014 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I would definitely hold off. That's not very mature of him. He is that child's father.. doesn't matter if he likes it or not. 

You are still very young.  No need to rush into anything anyway. If you are doing fine on your own, then hold your head high and don't settle. 

Quoting nickeeg2: It is a hot mess.. I had trouble writing it. We're 22 now. He says he doesn't want nothing to do with the other baby which I dislike because the baby has nothin to do with it. But he doesn't care what I think or anyone thinks about it he says.
Quoting TommyAbby:

This is a hot mess. 

How old are you two now? 

I wouldn't jump into marriage yet until you have really had the time together to see how he handles this daddy thing with the new baby. 


Nohora
by Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 4:11 PM

Doesn't look good. I would wait. getting married is a commitment and love is the only thing that can hold it togheter. Don't get married for the wrong reasons. He can still be part of your kids lifes.

UCFknight
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 4:19 PM
5 moms liked this

There is a lot of hurt here. He may be a completely changed man, and what he is saying may be true now. HOWEVER, you both need to sit with a marriage counselor, or pastor, and get everything out now. We all make some terrible mistakes when we are young...but that doesn't excuse what you have been put through. I suggest beginning counseling by august 30th, not marriage. If you guys can get through that, then by all means prepare for a wedding. But, I do believe there is too much damage here for you to truly ever move forward with him (just my opinion). Good luck!

ladyvamp5489
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 4:20 PM

too long and needs paragraphs to read it

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 omg... walk away.

Once a douche, always a douche

nickeeg2
by Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this
That sounds very good, counseling, I haven't really thought about that. I think it could help a lot. Yeah that's one of his excuses, that he made mistakes when he was younger, but I agree not enough of an excuse for what he's done cause it's still hard for me to let go of it. Thank you!!!

Quoting UCFknight:

There is a lot of hurt here. He may be a completely changed man, and what he is saying may be true now. HOWEVER, you both need to sit with a marriage counselor, or pastor, and get everything out now. We all make some terrible mistakes when we are young...but that doesn't excuse what you have been put through. I suggest beginning counseling by august 30th, not marriage. If you guys can get through that, then by all means prepare for a wedding. But, I do believe there is too much damage here for you to truly ever move forward with him (just my opinion). Good luck!

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