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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

affection

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 11:51 AM
  • 40 Replies

Ok so I talked to my husband awhile ago about not spending time with my daughter and I. Well for 2 days it was fine now all of a sudden he is back on his computer. He is also not affectionate with me.  I have talked to him about it and for 2 days it changed no affection. I am sick and tired of not getting any affection. I feel like I am being rejected and I am craving it. Why do I always have to say something. i feel so alone and i don't know what to do.

by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 11:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:06 PM
3 moms liked this

 during those two days that it was fine, did you convey your undying appreciation for those actions? Did you do anything to meet his needs as well? Jump his bones and give him mind blowing sex to show how much it means to you? What else is he doing while he's not spending time with you? does he need down time after work? is he working a ton of hours to provide for you?

His brain isn't wired like yours. That's why you need to say something. This isn't  a fairy tale in which things just magically happen in a marriage the way you want them to.

You have to open your mouth, and you have to work on it too.

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

ahleesha14
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:10 PM

I did open my mouth. Yes he does need downtime after work but he gets it but doesn't spend any time with us after 3 hours from coming home. I tried to hug him one time and he was like ok thats enough and I felt rejected. He just pushed me away. He comes home and sees his daughter and we talk for a few but thats all the attention I get.

christina2410
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:24 PM
Just curious, what's he doing on the computer? Do y'all have dinner together? Do you go places together?

Quoting ahleesha14:

I did open my mouth. Yes he does need downtime after work but he gets it but doesn't spend any time with us after 3 hours from coming home. I tried to hug him one time and he was like ok thats enough and I felt rejected. He just pushed me away. He comes home and sees his daughter and we talk for a few but thats all the attention I get.

yumiko212
by New Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:52 PM

I had the same problem with my husband but I talked to him and he understood what I was saying. Now when he comes home, he helps me around the house, helps me clean, helps me put our son to bed. It was a rough adjustment when we first started but we talked it through. Now the days he has off, we spend it together. But I told him that when he has some downtime he can go on the computer. But when I need him that's when he has to get off. So honestly, just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I did that and it made my marriage a lot stronger. But remember, in marriage you always have to work at it because it's never going to be easy. And also communication is key and that's one thing I've learned from being married.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 IMO if you don't want to be disappointed you make sure there is no way you can be. He has a pattern of behavior that seems to be pretty set. If you thought one convo was going to change it you were seriously delusional. What you need are some boundaries. Perhaps a time limit to his relaxing computer time. Perhaps a day or so a week where he isn't on it at all. That type of thing. You need to be a lore more clear if you want results.

ahleesha14
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:28 PM

He is playing his game on his computer. We don't go places together.  I guess I can set him down and set a time limit on the computer when he plays. That way he might be wanting to spend time with me if I set a time limit everyday. Its hard to spend time together because we do not have the same interests. Its not just spending time together. I just feel we are in a loveless marriage. I hardly get any affection.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Quoting ahleesha14:

He is playing his game on his computer. We don't go places together.  I guess I can set him down and set a time limit on the computer when he plays. That way he might be wanting to spend time with me if I set a time limit everyday. Its hard to spend time together because we do not have the same interests. Its not just spending time together. I just feel we are in a loveless marriage. I hardly get any affection.

WHY did you marry someone in which you had no interests together??? What on earth did you two do while dating?? O.o

committed4ever
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:19 PM

Have you done 5 Love Languages and His needs/her Needs?  If not, start here:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

 And then here. 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html

See if you can get your husband to do 5 Love Languages quiz. That is the ONLY survey/quiz I have ever been able to get my DH to do.  Granted, we don't have any serious issues, but he would not do His Needs/Her Needs or any others except 5 Love Languages.

UCFknight
by Silver Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:22 PM

It doesn't happen overnight. We are creatures of comfort and repetition. He needs to learn a new routine. once he has done that, he can get his gaming in, after he has done his family time. More talks will be necessary until he can find a happy middle. I honestly don't get gaming. Neither of us do it. Good luck.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:22 PM

 (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

 

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