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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Communication: Nonexistant

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:19 PM
  • 20 Replies
My DH and I have known each other for going on 8 years now; friends for 3, dating/living together for 3, and married for 2 this November. We never had a problem outside of the typical arguement and basic problem (finance and what not) Last September, we had to move in with my mother and 2 brothers due to money issues and we've gone down hill since. We get no alone time unless everyone else is at work on his days off and our toddler is taking her afternoon nap. That's 3 days a week. That's plenty of time. But it's not.

He refuses to talk unless it's about media (movies, video games, books, etc) or sleeps the whole time. I try to talk to him, but all his answers are one word except "oh really?" and "I don't know" or he'll fall asleep while I'm talking. And when I ask if there's something he wants to talk about, he says, "There's nothing to talk about." Next thing I know, we're fighting. Then after we're calmed down, it starts over. Every single time. The sex is great still and I know he loves me cause he hugs me tenderly and comes up behind me while I'm cooking/doing dishes and kisses me on the neck. I just wanna stop fighting constantly.
by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
UCFknight
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:30 PM

Finances get into everyone's marriage. What are you guys doing to rebuild and get out of mom's house? When you say let's talk, is finances really all there is talk about, or does he think that's what you mean when you say you want to talk, and is trying to avoid it at all costs? 

May I suggest Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. It was a blessing for my husband and I when we got in over our heads! You can find his book at the library, if you don't want to buy a new one, or even find used ones on ebay for pretty cheap. 

You may have to change your approach to your talks. Make a nice meal at home while the baby is napping, or sitting out in the backyard with a couple ice cold beers and his favorite dip with chips. My husband and I talk about everything under the sun. Nothing has ever been off limits. But we have gotten into funks, where certain topics would turn into heated discussions. when we learned how to control our own voices, the talks got sweeter and more fulfilling. 

CodJesKai
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:44 PM
We had to move into mom's after he got laid off. We only have 2 more bills to pay off and our financial advisor will give us a house that's rent-to-own. And no, I'm trying to talk about ANYTHING. I've figured out he doesn't like to talk much about financial issues. I'll check my library for that book. Thanks! I'll try that meal/snack thing next time. He loves my cooking! I'll have to change the beer for a small bottle of rum though. lol!

Quoting UCFknight:

Finances get into everyone's marriage. What are you guys doing to rebuild and get out of mom's house? When you say let's talk, is finances really all there is talk about, or does he think that's what you mean when you say you want to talk, and is trying to avoid it at all costs? 

May I suggest Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. It was a blessing for my husband and I when we got in over our heads! You can find his book at the library, if you don't want to buy a new one, or even find used ones on ebay for pretty cheap. 

You may have to change your approach to your talks. Make a nice meal at home while the baby is napping, or sitting out in the backyard with a couple ice cold beers and his favorite dip with chips. My husband and I talk about everything under the sun. Nothing has ever been off limits. But we have gotten into funks, where certain topics would turn into heated discussions. when we learned how to control our own voices, the talks got sweeter and more fulfilling. 

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Get out of your mom's house. 

I am betting he is stressed being there and not having your own place.  with privacy

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:45 PM

 (((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

 

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Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 Then, stop the cycle!

Tell him what you need.

Stash away a few extra $$$ and schedule a getaway to reconnect.

UCFknight
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 5:51 PM

You're welcome! My hubby is a rum man too, but will drink yuengling with me since I can't do hard liquor! Have fun! I hope you guys can get out of debt soon. Be careful with those rent to own. We had a couple friends get burned by them. 

Quoting CodJesKai: We had to move into mom's after he got laid off. We only have 2 more bills to pay off and our financial advisor will give us a house that's rent-to-own. And no, I'm trying to talk about ANYTHING. I've figured out he doesn't like to talk much about financial issues. I'll check my library for that book. Thanks! I'll try that meal/snack thing next time. He loves my cooking! I'll have to change the beer for a small bottle of rum though. lol!
Quoting UCFknight:

Finances get into everyone's marriage. What are you guys doing to rebuild and get out of mom's house? When you say let's talk, is finances really all there is talk about, or does he think that's what you mean when you say you want to talk, and is trying to avoid it at all costs? 

May I suggest Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. It was a blessing for my husband and I when we got in over our heads! You can find his book at the library, if you don't want to buy a new one, or even find used ones on ebay for pretty cheap. 

You may have to change your approach to your talks. Make a nice meal at home while the baby is napping, or sitting out in the backyard with a couple ice cold beers and his favorite dip with chips. My husband and I talk about everything under the sun. Nothing has ever been off limits. But we have gotten into funks, where certain topics would turn into heated discussions. when we learned how to control our own voices, the talks got sweeter and more fulfilling. 


CodJesKai
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 6:06 PM
Really? I've been trying to look into the rent to owns as much as possible and I'm finding nothing, good or bad, which is both good and bad. I don't wanna screw up again. All we have left is his hospital bill and catching up with my student loan. I want out of this place so badly.
Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 6:18 PM
Your post is rather vague about what you are trying to talk to him about right now. Some people don't want to rehash over and over again their troubles. Unless there is new information or you have reached a point where you need to check in our make decisions maybe there isn't a reason to talk about it. Even if there is a reason, can you just schedule a time so it doesn't like it is "coming out of nowhere" when he is trying to relax.
It might just be that he sees the time as a valuable commodity to be savored rather than a time to talk business
CodJesKai
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 8:03 PM
That's the thing. I'm avoiding talking about business cause I know he doesn't like to. I try and talk about ANYTHING else. I've even asked him basic questions like "what's your favorite color?" Even though I know the answer is white, I'm hoping for some kind of talk to start.

Quoting Roo1234: Your post is rather vague about what you are trying to talk to him about right now. Some people don't want to rehash over and over again their troubles. Unless there is new information or you have reached a point where you need to check in our make decisions maybe there isn't a reason to talk about it. Even if there is a reason, can you just schedule a time so it doesn't like it is "coming out of nowhere" when he is trying to relax.
It might just be that he sees the time as a valuable commodity to be savored rather than a time to talk business
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 9:28 PM

so... what's his passion?

if you hit the right button, just about anyone will talk and talk and talk about the things they are passionate about

Quoting CodJesKai: That's the thing. I'm avoiding talking about business cause I know he doesn't like to. I try and talk about ANYTHING else. I've even asked him basic questions like "what's your favorite color?" Even though I know the answer is white, I'm hoping for some kind of talk to start.
Quoting Roo1234: Your post is rather vague about what you are trying to talk to him about right now. Some people don't want to rehash over and over again their troubles. Unless there is new information or you have reached a point where you need to check in our make decisions maybe there isn't a reason to talk about it. Even if there is a reason, can you just schedule a time so it doesn't like it is "coming out of nowhere" when he is trying to relax. It might just be that he sees the time as a valuable commodity to be savored rather than a time to talk business

 

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

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