I'm emotionally done but don't know how and when to make the next step
I can't take it anymore. We do not make each other happy at all. He is such a negative person that all I feel now is bitter and resentful. He barks all the time or talks shit about anyone or anything. We have always had problems and I just can't do this anymore. I feel like I force myself everyday to WANT to be part of this marriage but Monday morning I just yelled what was inside me and said "I'm DONE!" I really do want to be done but I know he is going to make it hard for me. He makes $30,000 more than I do and the idea of paying custody pissed him off and said if I try that, he would fight me for 100% custody. There is nothing he has on me that the court would allow that but I don't want it to be hard. I went to coffee with a friend who just went through a divorce and she said her and her ex were trying to work it out through a mediator and it was fine until he realized he didn't want to pay child support and decided to fight for custody as well. $13,500 later.....lawyer fees.....they finally have something in place but he still makes it hard on her. Ironically, they have the same name. hahaha.
Anyway, after that, it was hell for her and it still is. He talks shit about having to pay her child support. I would love for us to go to counseling to learn to let go but now he is being all nice and I hate it. I feel it's superficial and fake because the real him won't do this.
I'm not letting him believe that my feelings have changed. My friend suggested not to move out until someone files but I don't want to file or anyone to file until I feel we can have an understanding. I know it's not always possible but I don't want it to be harder than it should.
Any experiences? Any advice?