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How do you feel about making sex a priority?

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:53 AM
  • 18 Replies

Stop Asking How Often Married Couples Should Have Sex

couple in bed sex

What's the key to a long, happy marriage? Many couples will tell you it's sex. After all, it's the one thing you can to for each other as a couple that no one else can do for you. It's up there with communicating well. And as marital duties go, it's definitely more fun than balancing a checkbook or taking out the garbage. So how often should you be having sex? Once a week? Three or four times a week? Well, that's actually the wrong question.

It does look like the more often you have sex, the happier you are in general (well, as long as you feel like everyone is having sex less often than you are ... ). But how satisfied you are with your marriage is tied with how satisfied you are with your sex life. Each feeds the other. The better your relationship, the better your sex life, and the better your sex life, the better your relationship -- regardless of how many times a week you do it.

So ... are you satisfied with your sex life?

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I love a mind-obliterating orgasm as much as the next gal, of course. But I think truly satisfying sex is about more than that -- it's about feeling connected. Plenty of couples have frequent sex, but if it's not satisfying to her, if she feels used or put-upon during sex, it's not really serving its purpose. Sex should bring us closer together.

How do you do that, when you're tired, busy, worn out? If you're having trouble communicating as a couple outside the bedroom, how do you manage to touch souls in the bedroom?

Well, I don't have all the answers. But maybe focusing on quality over quantity can take some of the pressure off. Sex experts have told me that not every lovemaking session has to be EPIC -- even quickies count. But they count best when you're both really into them, and you're both there to feel closer to each other.

Long time married couple Ron and Mavis Perola recently told the Pope and about 200 prelates about what has made them last 55 years. It was beautiful.

[It's] the little things we did for each other, the telephone calls and love notes, the way we planned our day around each other and the things we shared were outward expressions of our longing to be intimate with each other. 

I love that phrase "our longing to be intimate with each other." Sex isn't just about the physical fun; it's about intimacy, feeling close to each other, sharing something only you two can share.

Gradually we came to see that the only feature that distinguishes our sacramental relationship from that of any other good Christ-centered relationship is sexual intimacy and that marriage is a sexual sacrament with its fullest expression in sexual intercourse.

Amazing.

Having a satisfying sex life can feel like a luxury, sometimes. A luxury you may feel you can't afford, a luxury that gets bumped lower and lower on the priority list, especially when you have kids. But if anything, it should be at the top of your list. Creating a great sex life together is one of the most important things you can do with your husband. It's good to be reminded of that sometimes.

How do you feel about making sex a priority? Do you feel like your sex life is satisfying enough?

 

Image © iStock.com/Spanic

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RheaF
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:57 AM
2 moms liked this

 Our rule is that we never "just do it". Either we are both 100% into it, or we don't have sex. There are periods when we are every other night, then there are some when it is maybe once a month. I have found it is not the actual sex that is important though, it is the closeness, the intimacy in our relationship. We take time for one another, we kiss, say "I love you" and mean it, we flirt, cuddle, etc. Those things do not always lead to sex though.

 

UCFknight
by Brenda on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:17 AM

We make sex a priority in our marriage. It is something we both crave, need, and desire from each other. Intimacy goes much deeper than sex, but showing physically how we feel for one another helps keep us both strongly tied together. 

Our military lifestyle, also makes sex and intimacy that much more important to us. We have spent years apart due to deployments and training, so things such as holding hands or sleeping in the same bed, are never taken for granted in our home. My husband always jokes, we have a lot of lost time to make up for!! 

LadyBast
by Brenda on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this

No it is not a priority in our lives especially not right now with our daughter and not knowing what is going on with her.. So we take it one day at a time...

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:25 AM
I agree with Rhea F, we never do it just because! Where sex is a priority it's not that important that we 'force' sex b/c its expected. We hold hands, cuddle and talk. When the mood is right we have sex. Our rhythm varies we can go two-three days in a row, every other night, a couple times of week.
LadyBast
by Brenda on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Great advice everyone is different!

Quoting Hottmomma607: I agree with Rhea F, we never do it just because! Where sex is a priority it's not that important that we 'force' sex b/c its expected. We hold hands, cuddle and talk. When the mood is right we have sex. Our rhythm varies we can go two-three days in a row, every other night, a couple times of week.


Hottmomma607
by Trica on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:39 AM


Quoting LadyBast:

No it is not a priority in our lives especially not right now with our daughter and not knowing what is going on with her.. So we take it one day at a time...

I think that is such a true testament on LIFE!good

"We take it one day at a time."

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:43 AM

Thank you!

Quoting LadyBast:

Great advice everyone is different!

Quoting Hottmomma607: I agree with Rhea F, we never do it just because! Where sex is a priority it's not that important that we 'force' sex b/c its expected. We hold hands, cuddle and talk. When the mood is right we have sex. Our rhythm varies we can go two-three days in a row, every other night, a couple times of week.


Imperfect_Faith
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:20 PM
I think it should depend on the couple, for us, sex is a big part of our marriage. We have a very active sex life, at least once a day, but if one of us doesn't feel like it, that's fine too.
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LadyAmaranth
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:33 PM

It's important but not the #1 thing. 

We had a good sex life til cancer got him. 

Now that he's gone I have no sex life and its ok. 

BayleeLovesArt
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Does more sex make people happier or do happier people have more sex?  Seems like a study that doesn't use any logic for causality....


FWIW my husband and I have a very, very active sex life and we are happy.  But I'd want sex even if we weren't happy lol

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