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Need sex to cuddle vs. need cuddling to have sex

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 7:33 AM
  • 9 Replies

 Does anyone else have a husband that does not feel close or intimate when holding each other whether it be on the couch watching tv or laying in bed naked holding each other. That in order to be close he has to be "inside" not necessarily full blown out love making session (but of course it leads to that)?

Normally we think and act a whole lot like each other. So it makes seeing where the other person is coming from very easy.  But for awhile now I've been needing to feel loved by all things non-sexual - cuddling, holding, caressing, etc in order to have sex. He needs to feel loved by having sex then everything else.  Don't get me wrong I know I am very blessed to have a husband who desires me I just want to understand why we are so different in this area.

by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 7:33 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Serenity7
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 8:15 AM
 (((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Liz132
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:03 AM
I think often men are somewhat that way needing sex to feel intimate while women often need to feel intimate to want to have sex, it's a common problem. You need to communicate what you need from him. If he wants to go right into sex tell him you'd like to cuddle for a while first or whatever else you want to do to feel closer to him.
Sister_Someone
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:15 AM

I'm like him. I can always have sex, but I am not a cuddler and I rarely crave touch. I can cuddle if I really must, but only for a short period of time and I'm done. I don't know why, I've always been that way.

Fire_N_Ice
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:14 AM
How people feel close varies. Sit down with him and explain your needs, listen to him, and try to compromise.
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UCFknight
by Brenda on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:49 PM

I am not much of a cuddler. My husband definitely is though. But cuddling for me always leads to the bedroom ;) Have you talked to your spouse about this? Let him know you need affection before having sex. Intimacy is much more than what happens in the bedroom. You are needing that connection that goes much deeper than the act of sex. He also may need you to lead by action. Some men learn better when they are shown, rather than told what is needed.

SpiritedWitch
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:27 PM

We're the opposite ... he wants the cuddling, while I do not. I don't know why I don't like the touchy-feely crap but I don't. It doesn't make me feel closer to him. It's really rather annoying and makes me feel trapped. I'm like, if you want to have sex, let's just get it on. If not, knock it off. 

It's just the way people are put together. I agree that communication is important. Maybe just sit down and talk to him. Sometimes the one who doesn't want/like the cuddling just has to suck it up to make their partner happy.

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 5:10 PM

 pretty typical

men need sex to feel loved

women need to feel loved to have sex

LadyBast
by Brenda on Nov. 24, 2014 at 7:13 PM

It is just how you are and to me it does not matter.. Good luck to you and Hugs

JulietAngel89
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 7:17 PM

Men are from mars woman are from venus. I think it is true with a lot of couples. Woman want to cuddle before sex and men want to cuddle after. 

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