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Divorce???

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:17 PM
  • 29 Replies

Hey everyone!  In a nut shell, I have married to my husband for almost 12 years and we have 2 children, 10 (daughter) & 8 (son).  Our marriage started out very strong even though everyone had us pinned to fail.  We took that energy and put that into our marriage.  The past few years we have really struggled and we have been talking about divorce.  I feel like a lot of our problems started when we found out that his son sexually assaulted our daughter 3 years ago.  He no longer has any part of our family, but I cannot bring myself to forgive him.  I have tried and it is an internal battle that I deal with every day.  We have done couseling for our marriage as well as I have done couseling for what has happened with our daughter.  Another part of the problem is, I feel like he is never satisfied with sex, he is always constantly complaining that he never gets it enough or I don't act like I am enjoying it, and to be honest, there are some nights that it is sympathy sex that he his getting!  I work full time and take on most of the work with the kids because he works 1 1/2 hours from home.  Any advice on what else to try before I just throw in the towel??  

by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyBast
by Brenda on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:21 PM

Talk that is my advice, you need to sit just the 2 of you and have a nice long talk about all that is going on and the problems.. Both of you make a list and then talk to go over all... I would start there if not counseling for your marriage!

Michelleb05
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:26 PM

Marriage counseling only works if both people want to be there and in our case, its usually just me that is willing to put the effort forth.  He can text me all day long and talk about what is bugging him but the second that I try and talk to him, he clams up.  I'm just so frustrated.  I just want someone that will respect me and want to be a positive in my life.

Quoting LadyBast:

Talk that is my advice, you need to sit just the 2 of you and have a nice long talk about all that is going on and the problems.. Both of you make a list and then talk to go over all... I would start there if not counseling for your marriage!


Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:29 PM

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-common-pifalls-romantic-relationship.html

what's been the outcome of the counseling?

you let the little things slide.. you get a snowball effect... more and more gets set by the wayside, and 10 or 12 years later, you're googling divorce lawyers.

Fixing what you've got may be easier than throwing in the towel.

What's your number one reason for wanting a divorce?

Michelleb05
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:33 PM

The outcome of counseling is it is basically a one way street, he is there because I make him be there and talks a little, but not a lot.  I know it is harder for guys to open up about their feelings but when their marriage is on the line you think you would make an effort.  What makes me want a divorce?  He has a short temper, he hates my family ( well part of them anyways) he is stubborn and won't compromise but expects everyone else to make a compromise or change for him.  I'm just not happy anymore.  I want to smile and laugh again.  

Quoting Fayanne:

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-common-pifalls-romantic-relationship.html

what's been the outcome of the counseling?

you let the little things slide.. you get a snowball effect... more and more gets set by the wayside, and 10 or 12 years later, you're googling divorce lawyers.

Fixing what you've got may be easier than throwing in the towel.

What's your number one reason for wanting a divorce?


Hottmomma607
by Trica on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:49 PM
((Hugs))
Sorry that nothing is working, not even counseling.
earthangel1967
by on Feb. 5, 2015 at 3:02 AM

It sounds like you've tried some things but it also sounds like at this point, whether coming right out or saying it or not.. that you've at least fairly made up your mind that you've reached the end of your rope and are done.  If that's true, it's probably best,, to just be honest with yourself and him and move forward. 

Otherwise,  going by what you've shared about him and  his "participation' in the trying to heal this marriage ... I think, I"d straight up say something to him, along the lines of... "I've done everything that "I" can think of to heal and improve and save this marriage but I am on the verge of throwing in the towel.... unless YOU have any good suggestions of something else we can try, before I do? " Put the ball in his court and if he isn't going to be a team player then that is your answer. 

Quoting Michelleb05:

The outcome of counseling is it is basically a one way street, he is there because I make him be there and talks a little, but not a lot.  I know it is harder for guys to open up about their feelings but when their marriage is on the line you think you would make an effort.  What makes me want a divorce?  He has a short temper, he hates my family ( well part of them anyways) he is stubborn and won't compromise but expects everyone else to make a compromise or change for him.  I'm just not happy anymore.  I want to smile and laugh again.  

Quoting Fayanne:

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-common-pifalls-romantic-relationship.html

what's been the outcome of the counseling?

you let the little things slide.. you get a snowball effect... more and more gets set by the wayside, and 10 or 12 years later, you're googling divorce lawyers.

Fixing what you've got may be easier than throwing in the towel.

What's your number one reason for wanting a divorce?



View Full Size ImageYVONNE

poppyjane
by Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 10:04 AM

can it possibly be that the guilt of  what his son has done is eating away at him?  Maybe you can try suggessting that he goes to counseling  alone to work on himself.

just a suggestion.

sorry sad

Michelleb05
by on Feb. 5, 2015 at 10:28 AM

I have asked him if he would do this for him..not for me, but for him.  and I'm sure that there is a lot of guilt there, but I don't blame him for what his son did.  He was old enough that he knew what he was doing was wrong.  :(

Quoting poppyjane:

can it possibly be that the guilt of  what his son has done is eating away at him?  Maybe you can try suggessting that he goes to counseling  alone to work on himself.

just a suggestion.

sorry sad


Michelleb05
by on Feb. 5, 2015 at 10:29 AM

I will try this with him and if he is unwilling to make the effort than you are right, there is my answer, as hard as it may be to hear or take, that will be it.  I need someone who can be there for me and let me be there for them when we need it and he won't do either.

Quoting earthangel1967:

It sounds like you've tried some things but it also sounds like at this point, whether coming right out or saying it or not.. that you've at least fairly made up your mind that you've reached the end of your rope and are done.  If that's true, it's probably best,, to just be honest with yourself and him and move forward. 

Otherwise,  going by what you've shared about him and  his "participation' in the trying to heal this marriage ... I think, I"d straight up say something to him, along the lines of... "I've done everything that "I" can think of to heal and improve and save this marriage but I am on the verge of throwing in the towel.... unless YOU have any good suggestions of something else we can try, before I do? " Put the ball in his court and if he isn't going to be a team player then that is your answer. 

Quoting Michelleb05:

The outcome of counseling is it is basically a one way street, he is there because I make him be there and talks a little, but not a lot.  I know it is harder for guys to open up about their feelings but when their marriage is on the line you think you would make an effort.  What makes me want a divorce?  He has a short temper, he hates my family ( well part of them anyways) he is stubborn and won't compromise but expects everyone else to make a compromise or change for him.  I'm just not happy anymore.  I want to smile and laugh again.  

Quoting Fayanne:

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-common-pifalls-romantic-relationship.html

what's been the outcome of the counseling?

you let the little things slide.. you get a snowball effect... more and more gets set by the wayside, and 10 or 12 years later, you're googling divorce lawyers.

Fixing what you've got may be easier than throwing in the towel.

What's your number one reason for wanting a divorce?



poppyjane
by Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 10:38 AM

i know you don't blame him. but sometimes guilt over powers a person and it drives them insane!!

i pray that everything works out for you guys.


Quoting Michelleb05:

I have asked him if he would do this for him..not for me, but for him.  and I'm sure that there is a lot of guilt there, but I don't blame him for what his son did.  He was old enough that he knew what he was doing was wrong.  :(

Quoting poppyjane:

can it possibly be that the guilt of  what his son has done is eating away at him?  Maybe you can try suggessting that he goes to counseling  alone to work on himself.

just a suggestion.

sorry sad



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