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Husband suffering from depression. Please help

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 11:56 AM
  • 12 Replies
My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and we have a son together. 2 years after we got together my husband had brain surgery because he had bleeding in his brain. After the brain surgery his personality changed. 2 years later and 6 weeks before our wedding, he suffered from a seizure which was related to the brain surgery. That was 3 years ago. He takes medication for his seizures. That medication in the beginning was rough it has many side affects.
In November he took a new position at his job. He hated it and now he's suffering from really bad depression and anxiety. He's on meds and sees a psychologist. He recently took a leave of absence from work. This is affecting our kids, especially our son, he's 6.

Before the depression we were having issues. My husband is a great provider, wonderful father but he sucks as a husband. We rarely went out, and he didn't give me attention, the sex was predictable if we did have it. He's the type of person to focus on something that needs to be fixed around the house, and can't focus on anything else. During this time, I would talk to Him about how I felt, and I sent him different articles everyday about love and marriage. Nothing changed so I pretty much just gave up. Now with this onset of depression. I just can't do this anymore. Every 2 years since we've been together, he's had a different medical issue. I know that sounds horrible and makes me sound like a bitch. But I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the marriage before and now his depression has made everything worse. I'm only 30,and I'm lonely and stressed out, I'm worried about how this is affecting my kids. I don't know if he'll ever be the same again. I lost half the man after brain surgery and now this. I'm not even sure if I want to be with him anymore, I fell out of love with him over a year ago.
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by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Apr. 5, 2015 at 4:11 PM
Oh so sorry.
Have you tried family counseling? Does he know you feel things are not the same any more?
((Hugs))


Quoting Fabulous24: My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and we have a son together. 2 years after we got together my husband had brain surgery because he had bleeding in his brain. After the brain surgery his personality changed. 2 years later and 6 weeks before our wedding, he suffered from a seizure which was related to the brain surgery. That was 3 years ago. He takes medication for his seizures. That medication in the beginning was rough it has many side affects.
In November he took a new position at his job. He hated it and now he's suffering from really bad depression and anxiety. He's on meds and sees a psychologist. He recently took a leave of absence from work. This is affecting our kids, especially our son, he's 6.

Before the depression we were having issues. My husband is a great provider, wonderful father but he sucks as a husband. We rarely went out, and he didn't give me attention, the sex was predictable if we did have it. He's the type of person to focus on something that needs to be fixed around the house, and can't focus on anything else. During this time, I would talk to Him about how I felt, and I sent him different articles everyday about love and marriage. Nothing changed so I pretty much just gave up. Now with this onset of depression. I just can't do this anymore. Every 2 years since we've been together, he's had a different medical issue. I know that sounds horrible and makes me sound like a bitch. But I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the marriage before and now his depression has made everything worse. I'm only 30,and I'm lonely and stressed out, I'm worried about how this is affecting my kids. I don't know if he'll ever be the same again. I lost half the man after brain surgery and now this. I'm not even sure if I want to be with him anymore, I fell out of love with him over a year ago.
Kay300
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:52 PM
He needs to ask his doctor about Seroquel. He would take it in the evening, its a miracle drug, you will get your husband back seriously, get some fast. His depression will go away the first night
Fabulous24
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 10:07 PM
No he doesn't. He's such in a bad place right now, that if I told him how I really felt he may try to hurt himself. So I was thinking of telling him when he got a little better.

Quoting Hottmomma607: Oh so sorry.
Have you tried family counseling? Does he know you feel things are not the same any more?
((Hugs))


Quoting Fabulous24: My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and we have a son together. 2 years after we got together my husband had brain surgery because he had bleeding in his brain. After the brain surgery his personality changed. 2 years later and 6 weeks before our wedding, he suffered from a seizure which was related to the brain surgery. That was 3 years ago. He takes medication for his seizures. That medication in the beginning was rough it has many side affects.
In November he took a new position at his job. He hated it and now he's suffering from really bad depression and anxiety. He's on meds and sees a psychologist. He recently took a leave of absence from work. This is affecting our kids, especially our son, he's 6.

Before the depression we were having issues. My husband is a great provider, wonderful father but he sucks as a husband. We rarely went out, and he didn't give me attention, the sex was predictable if we did have it. He's the type of person to focus on something that needs to be fixed around the house, and can't focus on anything else. During this time, I would talk to Him about how I felt, and I sent him different articles everyday about love and marriage. Nothing changed so I pretty much just gave up. Now with this onset of depression. I just can't do this anymore. Every 2 years since we've been together, he's had a different medical issue. I know that sounds horrible and makes me sound like a bitch. But I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the marriage before and now his depression has made everything worse. I'm only 30,and I'm lonely and stressed out, I'm worried about how this is affecting my kids. I don't know if he'll ever be the same again. I lost half the man after brain surgery and now this. I'm not even sure if I want to be with him anymore, I fell out of love with him over a year ago.
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Fabulous24
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 10:07 PM
Ok I'll ask about that.

Quoting Kay300: He needs to ask his doctor about Seroquel. He would take it in the evening, its a miracle drug, you will get your husband back seriously, get some fast. His depression will go away the first night
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printerr
by Silver Member on Apr. 6, 2015 at 7:09 AM
Seroquel is a great medication for some people. It is also highly sedating...more so for some than others. Just something to be aware of. I know some people that Seroquel is perfect for, and others who can't function on it because it makes them so sleepy. One can't know how it will effect them unless they try it. Good luck.

Quoting Kay300: He needs to ask his doctor about Seroquel. He would take it in the evening, its a miracle drug, you will get your husband back seriously, get some fast. His depression will go away the first night
MomToovey
by Marianne on Apr. 6, 2015 at 2:57 PM

I understand not wanting to tell him now because you don't want him to hurt himself. However, you say that you were hoping to wait until he gets better, what if he doesn't? How long are you willing to wait before you bring your issues up to him?

DisabledVet
by Member on Apr. 6, 2015 at 3:05 PM

Go to a marriage counselor before you give up on your marriage.

PogoPalOj
by on Apr. 6, 2015 at 3:22 PM

 The brain is a strange thing.  I suffered a tbi when I was quite young and my seizures went undiagnosed for many, many years.  The medication can affect your sex drive.  Please don't give up on him.  You can both go to http://www.dailystrength.org/ for support for others going through the same thing.  I hope it helps.

sarahjz
by Sarah on Apr. 6, 2015 at 5:09 PM

I'm sorry your family is going through this.  It sounds very stressful.  I would make a real effort to get outside help before giving up on your marriage.  Best of luck.

JillyMichelley
by Member on Apr. 7, 2015 at 9:37 AM

I feel like I could have written this, except my DH was back surgery and I still am in love with him. And my DH reacts with both anger and trying to leave the marriage because of his depression. Truth is, he hasn't had anyone fight for him, except for me.


We've gone to counseling before and it didn't help that much. I did finally get him to realize how much he needs true therapy and found a therapist with a doctrate. But now our problem is that each session is $165 (which we cannot afford) and his schedule is really unpredictable with work, so it's difficult to make an appointment and keep an appointment. 


My only advice, OP, is to not give up. Remember that marriage is a long haul and yes, you're going through this NOW, but sunnier days could be ahead. You have to be the strong one in your marriage and not give up. Try, if for nothing else, for your kids and the family you two built. 

I wish you the best of luck, OP. My heart goes out to you.

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