Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i'm just blah at this point.

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:13 PM
  • 26 Replies

my eleven year told me i don't do anything. i told his father he needed to talk to him bc it was verbatim what he tells me. he said he agreed with our son. that he makes all the money and i do nothing. i do all the cooking, most of the laundry, the daily clean up, i do having a cleaning lady who does the major things. and i work. i make less than half of what he does, but i still work and bring home 1800 a month after taxes/insurance. 

he also told me that he doesn't like me and that is why he has worked overtime or gone to night classes for most of our married life. twelve years. I asked him why he took that time away from our three children and weren't around to raise them. he basically said they were collateral damage. i'm not sure the exact way he worded it. 

he also said if we divorced, no one will ever want to be with me  and he will take our children away from me. these children that he sees maybe an hour a day, sometimes not even that. 

my mind is just reeling. and i'm kindof numb and just blah whatever. 

by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:13 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mama2KiraEthan
by New Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:15 PM

Wow! I'm so sorry that he has acting this way towards you. I can't imagine being in your position. I always find it hard to beleive that wife's don't suspect any of this until it blows up.

It sounds like he doesnt' want to be married to you..and you should probably look at options for leaving him.

CampHarris
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:20 PM
2 moms liked this

My ex - after 12 miserable years together - fed me that same line of bullshit too.  I'd never find anyone else who would want me, he'd take the kids, he made more money than me, I'd never make it without him... yada yada yada.

I left anyway.  He didn't get (or even want) the kids.  I am now engaged to a man who is 10000 times the man, father and partner my ex was.  We have a wonderful life and a happy family.  If I'd stayed under the pressure of his emotional abuse, I'd never have the happiness I do now.  

Don't put up with that.  He's told you he doesn't want you or the marriage any more.  Give him what he wants and find your own happiness.  I know how scary it is - but you can do it.  Don't put up with that bullshit.  I just wish I'd found the courage to leave years before I did.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:23 PM

after reading about this douche for the past 2 yrs, why the hell do you put up with it???? 


weaveress
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:31 PM

has it been two years?!  basic reasons i think. i've never had a relationship as an adult. we started dating my senior year of high school and that alone scares the crap out of me. i am not the kind of person who divorces. i am a black and white thinker. and divorce is in the gray area. i don't want my children having to choose between their parents. although last night all three of them sat with or on me and ignored their dad so i think their choice was made. we have been through so much and i don't want to throw that away. and somedays i really love that man. 

Quoting TommyAbby:

after reading about this douche for the past 2 yrs, why the hell do you put up with it???? 


DisabledVet
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:36 PM

Your husband is a jerk and believe me, if you leave him, you'll find someone better. Men who say things like that are insecure.  It's a shame he's infected your children with his attitude.

Why not enroll in school or find a job? Let him take over all things you "don't do".  Stop doing it all. Let hem worry about clean underwear and such.


SlaJack
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:39 PM

Do you need him to show you the door?

First, there is no reason you, as the Mother, needed to have the Father correct the behavior of your 11 year old child.  You are the adult.

Get a good Family attorney.  Get over the blah and replace it with a sense of dignity.  File for child support. Get you house in order before you completely lose control with the 11 year old.

weaveress
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:50 PM

i have a degree. i'm a social worker. i work 40hrs a week now.  i can do a second job. and i've tried the not doing anything.  i broke before he did with the filth. 

Quoting DisabledVet:

Your husband is a jerk and believe me, if you leave him, you'll find someone better. Men who say things like that are insecure.  It's a shame he's infected your children with his attitude.

Why not enroll in school or find a job? Let him take over all things you "don't do".  Stop doing it all. Let hem worry about clean underwear and such.


nickyjsmomma219
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 3:58 PM
Is he telling your son stuff about you? That is number one no-no. Never discuss adult stuff with kids. This needs to be addressed because its super unhealthy for kids
DisabledVet
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 4:14 PM

How can you love someone who has no respect for you?  A man who loves you and respects you would never say such a horrible thing and look at your son. Look at what he’s turning into. A pig who doesn’t appreciate women.  We taught our kids that they need to not only love the person they marry but respect them.  If you have daughters, do you want them to end up like you?

What was it like when the 2 of your dated?  He obviously loved you at some point, what happened?  Why did he marry you if you're such a loser? 

This isn’t just about you.  It's about your kids and how they're growing up.  Your son is already a jerk and if he marries he'll end up divorced or in an unhappy marriage. He needs to understand that being a SAHM is a hard job. This shows how much a SAHM does and what it’s worth (SAHM work an average of 94.7 hours a week and are worth $112,962 a week, not a year!!  Bet that’s more then he makes.  That is value and worth and what about the things you can’t put a price on like love, caring??  Exactly why does yoru husband think it’s OK to say such thihngs to you and to allow your son to say them?  http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/

Do your kids do chores? If not maybe it’s time they did so they understand what you do is valuable and it will prepare them for when they’re on their own.   In our home, everyone did chores, boys and girls and they did the same chores.

My husband not only loves me, he respects me. We make decisions together. We enjoy our time together.  He'd never say what you're husband has said to you.  You can have this same kind of  marriage. 

If you're unwilling to leave him then you need to change yourself. Enroll in college or some other course that interests you. I bet if you become more then you are he'll be worried that you'll leave him and he might adjust his attitude. Were you good at school work? What things used to interest you?

You say you're not the kind of person who divorces but is your husband?  Do you really want your kids to end up in the same type of marriage you’re in?  One in which they don’t respect each other?  Where one is deemed less because one works outside the home and the other creates the home?
When the kids are grown, is he going to leave you for another more exciting woman?  I make sure that I learn new things.  I'm the only wife where my husband works who understands what he does.  I have 3 college degrees and I'm always learning something new. I fix my self up and seduce him (might shock the hell out of your husband if you started dressing in a more sexy manner, it might even worry him).

You may love him, but does he love you? Maybe it's time to shake him up a bit.

Quoting weaveress:

has it been two years?!  basic reasons i think. i've never had a relationship as an adult. we started dating my senior year of high school and that alone scares the crap out of me. i am not the kind of person who divorces. i am a black and white thinker. and divorce is in the gray area. i don't want my children having to choose between their parents. although last night all three of them sat with or on me and ignored their dad so i think their choice was made. we have been through so much and i don't want to throw that away. and somedays i really love that man. 

Quoting TommyAbby:

after reading about this douche for the past 2 yrs, why the hell do you put up with it???? 



DisabledVet
by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 4:23 PM

You already have a 2nd job. Your home.

I don't understand how he can say you do nothing???  You not only work a regular job you also take care of the home?  What's wrong with him?  And what kind of man allows his son to speak to his wife like that? My husband would have pointed out just how wrong he was. You deserve better and he's a fool.

How would he react if you left him?  Just left him with the kids and rented your own apartment? I wish I could do something that would make him see what kind of fool he is.

Quoting weaveress:

i have a degree. i'm a social worker. i work 40hrs a week now.  i can do a second job. and i've tried the not doing anything.  i broke before he did with the filth. 

Quoting DisabledVet:

Your husband is a jerk and believe me, if you leave him, you'll find someone better. Men who say things like that are insecure.  It's a shame he's infected your children with his attitude.

Why not enroll in school or find a job? Let him take over all things you "don't do".  Stop doing it all. Let hem worry about clean underwear and such.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)