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you have the exact relationship you want

Posted by on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:53 PM
  • 9 Replies

no really you do.   Think about it, really think about it........You may or may not like what you see when you do , but give it a shot.....


How many times did your DH/SO do something you didn't like and you didn't speak up or make it change? And then he/she did it again and again you didn't speak up or make it change? Or you spoke up and they didn't change exactly how you wanted and so that doesn't count to you (again, not appropriate but it happens alot).  And now whatever  they do that you don't like has become a habit because you let it go and then weeks, months, years later you say something and wonder why they don't get it....because you allowed it forever.

 Think about when you were teaching your toddler something and it was just to tiring one and the next and you lapsed and it became a bad habit...now it takes you twice as long to get your toddler back on schedule right?  Same thing. NO our spouses are not our children but they are human beings and react the same...


how many times have you tried to have the same convo with your DH/SO and not gotten anywhere so you stopped and now it bugs the hell outta you...and you have decided to be passive aggressive and say 'why should i say anything he/she doesn't listen any way'...they stopped listening likely for several reasons...either you bring it up at a bad time and start to nag, you end up fighting about it instead of having a rational conversation or you simply don't say anything until your royally pissed off and screaming and yelling....no one wants to listen to any of the 3 scenerios.   You have an issue you feel is important, don't stop bringing it up but bring it up appropriately and in a way that doesn't make your partner feel defensive (then they stop listening) and look at your part of the issue too....is there something you can change as well to move forward on the issue? Most things are a two way street but it is easier to see the fault in our spouse then ourselves....

Look ladies, i know this i probably wildly unpopular but having lived with 2 husbands the better part of 10 yrs now and watching dynamics and reading posts it just seems like when you put effort into being happy, into resolving issues, into communicating, into showing your DH/SO what you need and by listening to them on what they need.  By spoiling them as they spoil you and by thinking of them the way you want them to think of you will make a huge difference.

I wanted the fairy tale and i stopped at nothing til i got it, i was just lucky enough to get it twice.  I spoke up when i was offended, i listened when they were.  I discussed things over and over til we were blue in the face and expected change, and changed myself, and got it.  I refuse to argue, absolutely refuse because it gets no one nowhere and hurts more then it helps.  I speak up quickly on things i think are wrong and expect them to as well....as a result we all feel safe enough and secure enough to speak freely and openly about what bothers us and what we need/want, etc.


You have the exact relationship you want ladies...or more to the point you have the exact relationship that you dictated was right.............the key is, if you want something else you don't need to look in greener pastures you just need to change the pasture you have into something greener that fits everyone in it.

***NOTE  none of this applies to abuse, if you are being abused leave!   you will not change the abuser no matter how much you think you can or how much you think you love them.  Again, this is from personal experience as i have been in the abusive relationship and it took getting shot to open my eyes.****



Anryan,

Wife to.....

  David    and   Irish

by on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:53 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Serenity7
by on Mar. 11, 2016 at 3:16 PM

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. No one is prefect.


Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this

what you allow is what will continue... with kids and with spouses.

kit279
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:28 PM
1 mom liked this
So very true! My dh and I have only been married for 4 years, however, we usually end up advising other couples, and our first responses are usually "have you talked, truly talked to him/her. Full conversation, with both listening to the other. Not a blame fest." 99.9% of the time it's no. I am not perfect. Sometimes I need to calm down before I speak, sometimes my dh does. Sometimes we do get the frustration out and then are rational. But neither are mind readers and honesty is best.
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:40 PM
1 mom liked this
100% agree with this.
midjet117
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I am happy with my relationship. We're at a good place right now.
bmw29
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Of course there are things dh doesn't that drive me batty just as there are things I do that make him crazy but we both came into this relationship with these particular annoying habits. We didn't get together thinking we were going to change the things that annoyed us about the other person we just accept each other for who we are. Almost 16 years later and we still love each other way more than we want to smother each other.
NYmama96
by Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I've been with my husband for almost 22 yrs. I'm happy in my marriage.
MomToovey
by Marianne on Mar. 12, 2016 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I very much agree with this, thank you for posting!

PS, I remember that you were moving, but not when. Have you moved to Ireland, yet?!
LadyBast
by Brenda on Mar. 12, 2016 at 9:55 PM

We have a great relationship I would not change it!

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