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I feel like he doesn't see this as a problem...

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:52 PM
  • 29 Replies
Dh has been working an extremely crappy job for 4 year. Pay isn't bed, but definately not the best. Especially for what they require. They basically label the employees on call, except, legally, they do now, so they do not have to pay on call wages. However, his schedule can change daily. I can tell you how many times they will call him and say "hey, we need you here in an hour. You don't have today off anymore". And if he doesn't go in, then he gets in trouble for "calling off" or being "late" or they have also been known for just firing people if they didn't like the person. And all he does is make cheese...

Anyways, I have been asking him to get a new job for 3+ years. His shifts can be 3 hours or 15 hours. He can work 2 days a week or 7 days a week. He can go in at 3 in the morning or 10 at night. His current "shift" is 4pm to 3am. Except sometimes they call him in early. Sometimes he gets there to find out they made it later. Sometimes he goes in and learns he's only working 3 hours. Other times he finds out he'll be there until 6am.

We cannot plan anything... ever. The kids get 2 hours a day with him, max, on days he works, because he sleeps all morning. And then 2 hours after he gets up, they need a nap. And then with his schedule being able to change any day, we can't go out an do anything before he goes into work, since they can call him in an hour before they want him there, and it takes 40 minutes to get there.

I'm fed up with the place. They just raised their starting wage, and since he wasn't making that yet, he got a raise up to that amount. So that makes it better... but the schedule/hours. The pay just isn't worth that frusteration to me.

But dh just brushes my frusteration to the side. He says "I have no choice" and then ignored me or gets mad when I tell him to apply other places.

Everything else in our relationship is great. But this is putting a huge strain on our relationship, and I don't even know what to do.
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
quinnhenrysmom1
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this

are you sure its really the job and hes not using it as an excuse to cheat/gamble/drink/whatever?

bananas2u
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:17 PM
Yeah, it's the job. I can sign into his work account at anytime and see what time he clocks in and out everyday.

Quoting quinnhenrysmom1:

are you sure its really the job and hes not using it as an excuse to cheat/gamble/drink/whatever?

petitekatie
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:18 PM
Well, I'd tell him to either get a new job, or You're leaving. This isn't healthy for your children, or your marriage. There is ALWAYS a choice. I'm not trying to suggest you give him an ultimatum, but something seriously needs to change.
bananas2u
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:45 PM
I hate giving ultimatums. And part of me is like "if I leave, then I'm still not getting what I want/need, nor are the kids." .. which is more time with him. But on the other hand, we need more stability too. And we also need him to be happy.

There were about 5 months last year that were really good. His schedule was 9-6. Apparently the best schedule there. You relieve one person, and someone always comes at 6 to relieve you. Besides different days off, the hours never changed. And then they gave that position to someone else.

But while he worked that, our life was smooth. Dh was happy. I was happy. This kids got him in the morning for breakfast and at night for dinner. Plus a little play time. And we still got alone time together as well.

So we know, a good schedule, will make us a happy family. Ugh. I told him today I would rather scrape penny's to make it for the rest of our lives, than him work at this place another 3 months, because his time is so much more than money. And now he's upset, but I doubt he'll be putting in applications anytime soon from that remark.

Quoting petitekatie: Well, I'd tell him to either get a new job, or You're leaving. This isn't healthy for your children, or your marriage. There is ALWAYS a choice. I'm not trying to suggest you give him an ultimatum, but something seriously needs to change.
suomynona_amam
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:50 PM
It seems like you getting a job would be the best solution.
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ladybugchick317
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I would make him a deal. Tell him that if he will actively look for something else for 30 days that if he finds something better he will take it and if he doesn't then you will drop it. Maybe things will work out.

DarksMama
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:04 PM

Put applications in online for him. Take some initiative.

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting bananas2u: I hate giving ultimatums. .

so... are you in the habit of making ultimatums with him?/

if so, then no wonder he doesn't see an issue with it

if you want him to want to be home more often, you have to make home a more desirable place to be.

many many many men feel that they are pulling their weight for the family by bringing home the bacon. They don't know any other way to be if their father was always the same way.

have conversations with him, not critcisms for him

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

LostTheSlipper
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

The new pay actually DOESN'T "make it better." NEW people coming in are making as much as he is after 4+ years? I'd just tell him to bail. What a shit job.

bananas2u
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:11 PM
You know, I don't think that ever crossed my mind. I made his resume 2-3 years ago. I never did it before, because he's "picky" about his jobs. But about 3 months ago, he made a list of 15 places he'd be willing to work, but never applied to any of them. And never looked for more places. But I could do that.

Quoting DarksMama:

Put applications in online for him. Take some initiative.

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