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Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 7:39 PM
  • 26 Replies
I am a stay at home mom to a 6 year old and a 3 year old. My husband works 12 hour shifts (3 days on, 3 days off then 4 days on, 4 days off) I know that since I am not working, it is my job to keep up the house and care for the kids. That's not what I have a issue with.. I sort of feel like my husband treats me like I'm his slave. When he's home, he doesn't do anything for himself. I can't remember the last time he made himself some coffee or god forbid he get up to make himself a sandwich every once in a while. If I make dinner (which is all the time, no I don't mind that) he refuses to get up and make his plate. He refuses to get up and get himself a glass of water. Basically if he needs ANYTHING, he asks me to get it. Now I love my husband and I don't mind doing things for him especially since he is the only one working, but it's really frustrating when it's all the time. I never ask him for anything cause I know I am capable of getting up and getting what I need. He sits on his computer playing games on his days off and rarely comes out to spend time with his family. I asked him to make himself some coffee this morning and he went on to say I don't appreciate him. Am I being unreasonable?
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 7:39 PM
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by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 7:50 PM
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No! He is grown ass man. Unless his arms are broken he can fix his own damn plate.

I personally wouldn't do anything for him until he learns to appreciate you and what you do for him.

When he gets all whining and crybaby just say are your arms broken? And walk away. Stand you ground don't ever allow a man to walk all over you.

Just because he leaves to go to work does not mean your any less important.
by Melissa on Mar. 13, 2016 at 8:24 PM
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Over my dead body would that happen in our house. Next time he asks for something, tell him how you do work full time. Kids are 24/7 along with housework. Tell him it's time for your lunch break and to have him make a sandwich for you. and if he doesn't, then ask why he doesn't appreciate all that you do for the house, the kids, cooking him dinner... 

Men like that kill me. 

by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 8:27 PM
That wouldn't have happened when we were dating or engaged or newly married so my husband would never expect it from me now!
He would starve before I was his slave!
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow... just wow... yeah I'd done packed his shit and put it on the front lawn. He won't find another woman that will wait on him hand and foot.
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 9:20 PM
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yes, you are.

You're the one allowing this nonsense.

by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 9:48 PM

No, he's an adult, his arms work just fine. Do I mind making his plate or getting him something if he asks? No, he does the same for me though. I can't imagine living with someone who thought just because he worked, he could sit around and be waited on.

I would hate to see what would happen if you were in my situation right now. I fell and dislocated my kneecap and tore my meniscus. Surgery is at the end of the month. My husband tries to help as much as possible . If I even mention getting up to do something while he's home, he's jumping up to do it instead. I did the same for him after he got his gallbladder taken out. You're suppose to be partners and take care of each other, he needs to step up.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 9:56 PM

Does his mom do these things for him? When I was married to my ex, I was appalled when we would go visit, and he would just sit on the couch and ask him mom to bring him a soda or whatever. One time he was sick, I made chicken noodle soup, and then had a college night class. While I was gone, he called his mom to deliver Carls JR, and mind you, she lived an HOUR away. She brought him the food. 

No way I would accept this.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 10:30 PM
My husband will jokingly demand I do something and then duck and hide. Ima sahm but my husband walks thru the door and he helps with everything. On his days off he helps with cleaning the house and folding laundry. We have 4 kids and he has no choice to be hands on. When I went on bed rest with our third child for a month he worked full time and came home to help with the kids.
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by Bronze Member on Mar. 14, 2016 at 12:16 AM
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I'm going to be in the minority I guess. I myself am a sahm. My DH works 5-6 days a week 12 hours if they let him. He works nights and when he gets home if he is hungry he will ask me to make him something to eat. I make it, why because he has just been working 12 hrs what did I do while he was working, I was asleep.  Like you posted this:If I make dinner (which is all the time, no I don't mind that) he refuses to get up and make his plate. 

If you are already serving plates what is so difficult to also serve his? I make dinner for the kids and will sometimes make something completely different for DH and myself. If I am busy doing something DH does help out. He folds laundry without being asked, he will offer to get me something if he happens to be doing something in the kitchen. My DH took care of himself for a long time before we met. He works hard for me to stay home and because I love and care about him I do things for him. He doesn't "expect" it from me.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 14, 2016 at 12:44 AM
Stop fixing his plate! Stop making him sandwiches! Stop getting him something to drink! Stop doing things for him!!! If he gets hungry he will get up & get it himself. Same if he is thirsty!
Does your family eat meals together at the dining room table or does he eat in the living, bedroom, den? Let him know that from now on all meals will be eaten at the table as a family.
A couple of my husbands friend used to be just like you husband. Their wives would wait on them hand & foot. It was funny & annoying watching them jump when one of the guys wanted something. It didn't matter if their children need something, the guys always came first. You would have thought they were children too. When dh & I met I let him know before our first date that I was nobodies maid & he wanted a maid he could go find someone else. When I met his friends his girlfriend asked me if he had put me in my place yet? I was pissed! I asked what do you mean? She said has he told you how things are going to be. When they left dh & I had a long talk, I let him know that no one puts me in my place. That I am no ones maid.
I fix dh plate sometimes & he fixes mine. We don't tell each other to or expect the other to. If one of us is getting something to eat or drink we ask "would you like something while I'm up?" Dh never tells me to fix him anything. He would be waiting a long time! I am a sahm. Dh work 2 shift. He is only home for supper on Sunday. He usually cook that day because I cook all week & he likes cooking Sunday dinner. Sometimes we cook together. I don't expect dh to do the laundry (other than his work clothes because they are nasty & he tells me don't touch them.), he helps sweep & mop if I busy with one of our 3 kids, he helps with the dishes (his choice), I do the vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, yard work, homeschool our 5 yr old. Dh sees how much I do & he helps when he's home to make things easier. We have a 2, 3 & 5 yr old so it's not always easy trying to do everything by yourself.
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