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If he didn't want kids...

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 4:53 PM
  • 42 Replies

... would that be a deal breaker?

My dh and I were friends long before we were more and discussed kids in a general discussion with other friends, so we knew we were on the same page with that. If either of us had not wanted kids, however, when the other did, we never would've started dating. I think kids is a subject you have to agree on BEFORE marrying, or else end up like Owen and Christina on Grey's Anatomy, divorcing sadly after a while. :(




by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 4:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:00 PM
I would have been totally fine with it. We didn't discuss this until after we married but I had wanted four to start. He only wanted one. The doctor said it was likely we wouldn't have any. Then DD came along and I said one was good. Lol. He has gotten baby fever here and there over the years but I never have.
evelyngw
by Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:27 PM

Yes, it would have been a deal breaker for me if he had not wanted kids. DH and I had four pregnancies, but I unfortunately miscarried twice. We do, however, have two now grown DDs. Raising children is very hard at times, but DH and I love our children and would never have it any other way.

I agree that these things need to be discussed candidly well before marriage.  DH and I had done that but our priest insisted wisely as part of marriage preparation that we go through an "engaged encounter" weekend. It was led by both married couples as well as a priest. Couples were given notebooks and separately answered questions ranging from finances, to children, to sexual expectations, to how you would insure your children were raised in the faith. Then you exchanged notebooks and discussed your fiancee's answers. For some couples it was eye opening. Two couples, both very young, decided they had very different views on some issues and that they were not yet ready to get married. Probably worked out best rather than their getting married and then finding out that they had such differing expectations.

RTR to you, BamaBabe!

Quoting bamababe1975:

... would that be a deal breaker?

My dh and I were friends long before we were more and discussed kids in a general discussion with other friends, so we knew we were on the same page with that. If either of us had not wanted kids, however, when the other did, we never would've started dating. I think kids is a subject you have to agree on BEFORE marrying, or else end up like Owen and Christina on Grey's Anatomy, divorcing sadly after a while. :(


Raeann11
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:28 PM
We wouldn't be together if he didn't. I wanted children and knew I need to be with someone that did.
Beautifulmom513
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:31 PM
Yes it would have been a huge deal breaker. I always have wanted kids and a big family. I made that very clear to my husband before we got too serious. If he didn't feel the same way, it wouldn't have worked.
offrdngal
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:31 PM
I would have been fine with it, with my first marriage. We did have one son.
When I got together with my current hubby, we talked about it up front...no kids. Only the ones we were bringing in to the marriage.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:34 PM

when I was young, it would have been a deal breaker. Now that I'm 'that age'...it's no biggie

nussknacker
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:55 PM

Well, since I already had 3 before we got married, I guess there is your answer. That would have absolutely been a deal breaker.

Velvetfog
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:10 PM
No, we didn't definitely decide to have a child until we'd been married several years. Before that we just knew neither of us wanted any in the immediate future, maybe never, and I would have been ok with that. Actually, if he'd known in the beginning without a doubt that he wanted kids someday, we probably wouldn't be together now. It wasn't a promise I wanted to make.
bmw29
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:17 PM
Our son was born 3 years before we got married so we didn't actually need to discuss it because it had already been decided. We both knew without a doubt that we only wanted one though.
mrsniebo
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:23 PM
When I started dating DH, I was 20 and not immediately thinking about marriage and children. By the time we got engaged a couple of years later, it definitely would have been a deal breaker if he didn't want kids.
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