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How to Fight If Your Marriage Matters

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:50 PM
  • 5 Replies
1 mom liked this

How to Fight If Your Marriage Matters

Kyle Benson | The Huffington Post

Love can be a battleground of mistakes, misunderstandings and conflicts. Oftentimes when we want to discuss a specific conflict with our partners, we also want the floor to discuss EVERY conflict with our partner; every one of their 617 boneheaded mistakes. After all, we are an “expert” analyst of our partner’s behavior and personality disorders.

Jasmine is a full-time employed mother of two, married to Brian, a hard working business owner with 64 employees. Jasmine and Brian strive to be a super couple; the kind of couple that exhausts themselves trying to do it all. She wants the best orgasms, a passionate sex life, millions in the bank account, and two adorable and successful kids and feels like Brian doesn’t help out with the children or house nearly enough. He doesn’t dedicate enough time to their relationship and he isn’t making enough money, so she shames Brian, makes him feel inadequate, and treats him this way so much that he has started to spend more time working than he does at home.

For Brian, work is a safe haven from the war at home. She's devouring self-help books on relationships and is eager to take control of things with Brian to address their troubles, but she starts the discussion with “just listen to me and don’t get defensive.”

Brian doesn't take well to her criticism and feels vulnerable to a siege of attacks from Jasmine as she brings up every issue under the sun, making him feel inadequate, which makes him feel negative and therefore shuts him down emotionally.  As soon as Jasmine notices that, things get worse, but they could be avoided by doing the following:

Pick One Issue and Be Specific
Instead of bringing up every issue under the sun, focus on one particular issue and stay on topic. Be detailed. By focusing on one issue and the specific emotions it causes you (not your partner’s flaws), both of you can come together to fix that specific situation by changing both the meaning of the situation and each other’s behavior.

Avoid Your Partner’s Triggers
No one grows up without emotional scars. These lasting flaws can escalate conflict quickly. Imagine your partner’s weaknesses are tattooed on their forehead. What might your partner’s weaknesses and insecurities be? When they get blamed, do they immediately become defensive? Do they hate being lectured because it makes them feel inadequate? What you can do is prevent a particular vulnerability from causing friction by acknowledging it and working around it with compassion.

Love isn’t always a comfortable ride. But having a partner who will drive around your potholes, while still addressing the underlying issues, is a partner you should keep.

Full article here

by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:50 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Serenity7
by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 1:03 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with that. When couples get into a argument. They bring up everything that happens since they have been together. So sad. One way to solve the problems in a person marriage. Is to see each other though the other person eyes. The movie The Story Of Us with Bruce Willis. Does a good job of showing that.


PogoPalOj
by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:57 PM

WAR ROOM.  Enough said.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Aug. 19, 2016 at 12:23 PM

I agree on both accounts. Thanks for sharing!

LadyBast
by Brenda on Aug. 21, 2016 at 1:02 PM

Good one too I like it and  yes this is important.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Aug. 21, 2016 at 2:32 PM
Very good post!
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