Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Being Loved by a decent man

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:31 PM
  • 14 Replies

How do you let yourself be loved by a decent man and with someone you connect with but are use to being a rebound or lead on.  Ive noticed myself getting this fear of abandonment from my past and a guy and myself will show interest and Ill want more out of it but once I feel him start to get close in any way I start to freak out and pull away. I know fear of abandonment is something Ive been told it could be but also the fact my past with guys ive liked who have acted like they were interested but than it went no where and I would just walk away but I do really like this guy I went to high school with and we connect so well and have a lot in common and now that Im feeling a connection Im going into freak out mode and catching myself doubting and this and that because Im so use to walking away or being hurt. I dont want to feel that way. I know what I want in a guy and I feel like Ive found that and Im so damn comfortable around him, its a good feeling. I just dont want to start doubting things and thinking things to convince myself to  walk away because I know I found a good guy..Im just not use to being loved at all.

by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:31 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
wife-4-life
by on Oct. 23, 2016 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Be careful. Maybe you should meet with a counselor so you have someone to talk to and help you work through your insecurities.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 9:45 AM

you need to get a therapist before you get into this any further.

from your previous posts... you don't know a) what love is, or b) if he's worth your time

and now you think you're in love? or that he's in love????


PLEASE find a good therapist to work with, or you'll likely continue this crazy cycle again. Fix yourself, find yourself, learn how to take it slow in a relationship, and then move forward.

If this guy really is worth it.. 1) He'll understand and wait, and 2) you'll end up with a better relationship in the end.

Jennaleigh_87
by Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 10:19 AM
Oh my! No no I'm not in love at all. Im just asking this stuff out of curiosity. Definitely not in love. Should've made that clear. I do have a counselor who's helped me so much with getting past my insecurities. It's just now I've found someone I like and don't want to let him slip away.

Quoting Fayanne:

you need to get a therapist before you get into this any further.

from your previous posts... you don't know a) what love is, or b) if he's worth your time

and now you think you're in love? or that he's in love????

PLEASE find a good therapist to work with, or you'll likely continue this crazy cycle again. Fix yourself, find yourself, learn how to take it slow in a relationship, and then move forward.

If this guy really is worth it.. 1) He'll understand and wait, and 2) you'll end up with a better relationship in the end.

kika.fleur
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 10:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree. Please work on your abandonment issues with a therapist. It really does help a lot.

If he's the guy for you, he'll let you take the time that you need and he'll use that time to make you feel comfortable with him and with the relationship, to build the trust between you, and to prove to you that he's serious about the relationship (or serious enough to want to pursue the relationship.)

It's okay to take it slowly, you know. Opening up to another person takes time. Building a friendship and a relationship that goes beyond that also takes time. Plus it's nice to take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, and that feels right for you.

Jennaleigh_87
by Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 10:46 AM
Thank you. I didn't know it was abandonment issues until my counselor told me at my last visit and now I finally found a guy I like and I've opened up and explained a lot of it to him and he understands and he said he wants me to go at a pace I'm.l comfortable enough with and he's made me feel very comfortable which I'm not use to. It's a lot different to be respected by a man, cared for and appreciated. That's what I meant about being loved lol not like full on in love. I'm just not use to this so it's a lot different and makes me want to run because I'm scared of being treated right because no man has showed me this

Quoting kika.fleur:

I agree. Please work on your abandonment issues with a therapist. It really does help a lot.

If he's the guy for you, he'll let you take the time that you need and he'll use that time to make you feel comfortable with him and with the relationship, to build the trust between you, and to prove to you that he's serious about the relationship (or serious enough to want to pursue the relationship.)

It's okay to take it slowly, you know. Opening up to another person takes time. Building a friendship and a relationship that goes beyond that also takes time. Plus it's nice to take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, and that feels right for you.

LadyBast
by Brenda on Oct. 23, 2016 at 11:02 AM

I agree with Fayanne.

BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 11:34 PM
Well you are recognizing your issues. You say he understands and respects you and that you feel loved in this relationship so I'd say that's a good thing. Keep seeing your counselor and don't run unless he gives you a reason to.
Jennaleigh_87
by Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting BonitaM: Well you are recognizing your issues. You say he understands and respects you and that you feel loved in this relationship so I'd say that's a good thing. Keep seeing your counselor and don't run unless he gives you a reason to.

Thank you. I know it feels so much easier to run when it comes to relationships and taking chances and having that fear of getting hurt. I guess Ive never dated much so when I put myself out there and get hurt by guys who claim they want the same thing but dont at all and tlel me what I want to hear to move me closer which they dont because Im gone by that time. Im scared once it gets past like 2 months of talking or whatever I fear getting close because it always seems to be around that time they dissappear and all. I like this guy a lot and I really think I could see myself and a future with him. He knows Im dealing with some things like abandonment issues from my past with my mom but hes got the same thing but hes a guy so they just say whatever. I knew I never had the problem until my counselor told me it my last visit and she said that she thinks I fear getting close because Im scared theyll leave like she did. It sucks and  I want to find real love and happiness and I dont want any insecurities getting in the way because I am a beautiful young woman and deserve to find love and be treated well. I dont want to be scared. 

sarahjz
by Sarah on Oct. 24, 2016 at 12:28 PM

I think personal counseling would be a great place to start.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Oct. 24, 2016 at 2:49 PM

Well, I think it's great you're seeing a counselor. If you think this current relationship could be moving forward, it might be a good idea to let him know you are working through this issue you have and you'd appreciate his patience as you work on becoming the best you that you can be. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)