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Do you clash over neatness and cleanliness?

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:43 PM
  • 23 Replies

‘My Husband Is A Slob And Tells Me I’m Too Type A’

Samantha Rodman, PhD | Huffington Post

Reader Married to the Slob writes:

My husband thinks I have a chronic problem of trying to do too much and that my expectations of myself and everyone else are too high. I think he needs a kick in the ass because he is SO laid-back. The only reason we haven’t killed each other yet is because he is too lazy to follow through and I am too overwhelmed to bother with it.

He grew up in a household where no one cleaned or had a bedtime or anything so my normal standards for what is acceptable seem sky-high to him. His dad is a hoarder, so his standards for clean are very low. He has no idea how gross our house would get if I stopped cleaning up even for a day. I didn’t wash clothes for 4 days and he was like “Where are my boxers?!” Uh ... in the overflowing laundry basket in your closet. He is so laid-back and I have trouble just sitting and relaxing. I have always been a busy type person.

I guess I have high standards when it comes to a few things: I shower daily, I keep our kids clean, I go to the gym and try to take care of myself but I am in NO WAY a perfectionist. My husband showers like 2-3 times a week and he never exercises. He’s a wonderful man, but things that were okay when we were in our 20’s are just gross to me now. He does make me happy and I do love him, so these things just sound nit-picky.

We went to marriage counseling to sort out some of these issues after our first child was born. We now have 3 children ages 6, 3, and 1. I stay home with them. Our oldest is in school most of the day. We do not have a cleaning lady or any extra help; I keep our 2500 square foot house in order, in addition to cooking and laundering 5 people’s worth of food and clothes. I do all of the grocery shopping. I am happy that I can stay at home, but it’s just a LOT. Meanwhile, he is a huge slob ... there are literally ants living in his car. They’ve been in there for 8 months. He hasn’t done anything about it. This is just one example of what I’m talking about.

In counseling we learned that I am anxiety-prone (duh) and he has adult-ADHD (not surprising). We both took medication for awhile and got on track and have learned coping mechanisms that have carried us up to this point. We are both no longer on medication, but I wonder if:

1. We SHOULD BE on meds?

2. Additional stress of me trying to have a writing “career” or “hobby” has put us in a bad place because I am unable to keep up with everything on my own?

3. I’m going to flip out one day and have a nervous breakdown?

I know this is a common issue but I don’t know what steps I should take so resentment doesn’t continue to build. I just feel irritated with him all of the time and I hate it! I definitely don’t want to be “that” wife.

CLICK HERE for Dr. Rodman's response

Do you clash over neatness and cleanliness?

by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:52 PM

We use to. I am a very lazy person by nature. My husband is a clean freak. But he works and I am a SAHM so its my job to clean. But I HATE cleaning. I get the bare minimum done. But its hard for me. I really think I had ADD because its really hard for me to focus. It takes me all day and lots of breaks to clean something. It frustrates my husband because he can't sit and relax until something is done. He has to keep on it until its done. But we have been married 14 years now. He has learned to love me and accept me for the way I am. The house is never trashed or anything. But it can be a bit messy and unorganized. I try my best and he knows that. 

by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 6:41 PM

No, we both like things neat and orderly. I'm a SAHM but he doesn't hesitate to help out if he sees something needs to be done. 

by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 7:02 PM
Nope. He's not a slob but he's not a neat freak. I tend to freak out if things are messy. When I get to cleaning, he'll take the kids and tell me to "rock on!"
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 7:15 PM

I never inheirited the 'clean gene'... lol.

by Trica on Oct. 27, 2016 at 9:06 PM
No we both enjoy a clean home it doesn't have to be spotless.
by Ruby Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 1:36 AM
Not really. He'd like it cleaner than it is as would I but we both work and he doesn't do housework so he knows better than to complain if I slacked a day or two. On the other hand if I do feel I've gotten behind I take a day off to catch up on the housework. Usually it's not too bad.
by Silver Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 1:50 AM

Yes because he is a pack rat and I am a minimalist.  He is also the lazier sort.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 3:34 AM
Not like that, I'm definitely more inclined toward neatness than he is though.
by Brenda on Oct. 28, 2016 at 9:39 AM

yes in some ways we do I want everything perfect and he does not care everyone says it is clean and looks fine but I see cat hair and a mess... It is me being OCD

by on Oct. 28, 2016 at 9:40 AM
Yes with some things
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