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Is this worth it?

Posted by on May. 16, 2017 at 10:42 AM
  • 29 Replies
Long story---my husband dropped the bomb of divorce last month on me. We've been married 8 yrs, but he's said for the past 4 he hasn't been happy. I honestly thought that we were doing so much better. He said that no one respects him, not even work or his family.

He is 30, I'm 27 and we have three kids. We both married young. And we were both virgins. He's reveal to me the other day that he feels like we got married too soon, and that we should have enjoyed "other people" before we got married and that he wants to experience other women. We've planned a separation but due to some circumstances, we won't really be separated until August. I've told him numerous times that I can't leave until then, but it seems like he can't wait for me to get out of the house. When dating site commercials come on tv, he points them out to me that I should join them. I tell him I wouldn't do anything until this whole marriage is officially over, like divorce finalized.

He sends me mixed signals all the time, like he's not sure if we should end it. Just some of the things he does. We also don't even argue. I just suspect that he's depressed about not being in the job that he wants. Yes, I know I'm not perfect. My listening skills could get better, but I've been trying to work on them lately with marriage help books. Which annoys him because why "work on that now when I'm halfway out the door".

He also goes out for all hours of the night with friends, tells me I can't text him because it's "nagging". He's constantly in his phone texting. I confronted him the other day when I saw the contact named Ashley that he was texting. He said that she's married and that he's just going to teach her how to shoot (Which is something he wants to do on the side from his job".

But I've been trying to follow the rules in Divorce Busting (if anyone has ever read it), but honestly. I still love him desperately, even during our really bad times in our marriage, I still loved him. Is it really worth anything anymore???
by on May. 16, 2017 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
UCFknight
by Brenda on May. 16, 2017 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

It takes two to make a marriage work. He maybe sending you mixed signals but his behavior, for the most part, seems like he is done. It stinks you guys have to stay together under one roof till August. He honestly just sounds like he wants to sow his wild oats! I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband and I also married young, 19. We are 33 now. But we have never felt like we missed out on anything by getting married young. 

kika.fleur
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2017 at 2:31 AM
3 moms liked this

Can I know why you and the kids are moving out? Since he's the one who wants a divorce and a new life, he can get his bachelor's pad.

Get the Conscious Uncoupling book, and hire a good lawyer to help with planning, alimony, custody and child support. Make sure that you and the kids are not in want financially because your husband wants to sow his oats and/or is having a crisis.

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2017 at 5:50 AM

I can't answer your question for you, only you can do that.

He could be depressed. He could be cheating. Men rarely ask for a divorce unless they've got another woman in the wings. However, Respect is HUGE for men. If he feels he isn't getting it at work or at home, he could be in a depressed state.  

You may want to try a few more books - Love Busters is a good one, so is Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti, and Love & Respect.  Through many of them the 'respect' tone is emphasized, explained to women. Most women are really clueless as to how they disrespect their husband. Women need to be loved.. but men need respect. We really are wired differently.

Good luck.

Will he go to counseling?

Maime13
by Member on May. 17, 2017 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, it sounds like you need to go to couples counseling. Not with the intent neccesarily of saving the marriage, but at the very least with getting closure and fully understanding why it's ending.

kaybayblee3
by Member on May. 19, 2017 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Well, so last year I quit my job(which we both agreed on before hand to help with the kids) and we had to move in with my in law's while we both finish schooling this winter. So I just don't feel like it's ok for me to stay.

Quoting kika.fleur:

Can I know why you and the kids are moving out? Since he's the one who wants a divorce and a new life, he can get his bachelor's pad.

Get the Conscious Uncoupling book, and hire a good lawyer to help with planning, alimony, custody and child support. Make sure that you and the kids are not in want financially because your husband wants to sow his oats and/or is having a crisis.

kaybayblee3
by Member on May. 19, 2017 at 1:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I've tried to bring it up with him, but he refuses. We've gone a few times over the years, but he always quits because he feels like they "are blaming him for the issues", when really they are telling us BOTH what we need to do to fix things.

I've finally been able to convince him to at least go to personal counseling to at least help him figure out what he wants to do.


Quoting Maime13:

Honestly, it sounds like you need to go to couples counseling. Not with the intent neccesarily of saving the marriage, but at the very least with getting closure and fully understanding why it's ending.

Murillo42
by Member on May. 21, 2017 at 1:37 PM
I've been where u ate sweetie ... my husband will be married 9yrs this coming Tues.. Him and I seperated two yrs ago.. He has cheated on me, moved someone up into our home and played house.. I tried to come for divorce but I had to be in my home state for six months.. So we finally talked things out... I decided to give him another chance we even went to counseling...
Not saying it's perfect we still have our ups and Downs. The past even gets brought up,...
U need to do what's best for u and it kids, maybe try counseling see how that's goes. Find out what's really going on...
femmedelamour
by Member on May. 21, 2017 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to move on. I have been dealing with this since March and finally I am starting to find peace. It's not easy, I miss him and I still love him, but I know I am going to be better off without him.
wife-4-life
by on May. 21, 2017 at 2:29 PM
This sounds NOTHING like what you described in your other post. Now I'm even more confused as to your situation.

Quoting Murillo42: I've been where u ate sweetie ... my husband will be married 9yrs this coming Tues.. Him and I seperated two yrs ago.. He has cheated on me, moved someone up into our home and played house.. I tried to come for divorce but I had to be in my home state for six months.. So we finally talked things out... I decided to give him another chance we even went to counseling...
Not saying it's perfect we still have our ups and Downs. The past even gets brought up,...
U need to do what's best for u and it kids, maybe try counseling see how that's goes. Find out what's really going on...
wife-4-life
by on May. 21, 2017 at 2:31 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like his heart is hardened to you and he just wants to be childish and "explore" other options. I wouldn't try to stay with a man who did that to me.

It will hurt but it might be for the best to let him go. :(

Sorry you're going through that!
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