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Need some advice because I messed up

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:11 PM
  • 11 Replies

OK, going to try to keep this as short as possible while getting all the facts in.

Yesterday I was putting up curtains over a skylight in my living room, they are 17 foot tall ceilings. I rented a 16ft A-frame ladder. I misjudged how heavy this ladder would be. My mom and I were not able to get it up in the living room. I also hurt myself trying to get it standing as well (I had a minor surgery less than 2 weeks ago and was suppose to be taking it easy until my appt next week). My ex (kids dad) lives at the other end of the street and I called him to help. DH was at work and would not be home until 8pm and the ladder had to be back before 5pm and I don't know anyone else who could have come help. I didn't think to text DH and let him know what was going on. EX comes over and in 1 hour the ladder is up, curtains are up, ladder is down and back on my SUV and everyone has left. Later it occurs to me that I fucked up because I should have let DH know EX was here (we were never alone together and he was never anywhere besides outside and in the living room). By that point I didn't want to tell him over text so I waited until he got home. When he got home he wasn't in a great mood so I waited because it didn't seem like the right time. Later things were a little lovey dovey and that sure wasn't the right time. Before bed though I knew I had to tell him and at 11pm I finally told him that I had something on my mind and I told him. He was pissed that I didn't tell him, that I didn't wait till his day off to do it. I was impatient but again, underestimated the weight of that ladder. We had a $255 electric bill (and that was with the discount for our income level, the discount knocked off $170). We found out that the skylights are not sealed right and a lot of hot air was coming in (its been averaging 105* this week and higher last week). I was up most of the night crying because I knew I messed up and that he was mad at me. Running on 2 hours sleep here. Can't nap because I am babysitting BIL kids today. But today DH is giving me the silent treatment. He went to work and didn't say one word to me. Do I wait this out? Tonight we will be alone, the kids wont be home. I don't know what else I can do besides apologize and not do it again.

by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
glynch
by Member on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:15 PM
4 moms liked this
Unless there's a reason you shouldn't be around your ex than your husband should be thankful your ex helped you out. The only thing I would have done differently would have been as soon as my husband got home I would have showed him the curtains and told him about how your ex helped you out. If he wants to be a kid about it I would go about my business and tell him to kick rocks.
MysticLove
by Member on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:18 PM

He just really doesn't like my EX as a person. EX is an ex drug addict and made our lives hell for years and even though DH wasn't around back then he knows the past and can't move past it even though I am trying for the sake of the kids.

Quoting glynch: Unless there's a reason you shouldn't be around your ex than your husband should be thankful your ex helped you out. The only thing I would have done differently would have been as soon as my husband got home I would have showed him the curtains and told him about how your ex helped you out. If he wants to be a kid about it I would go about my business and tell him to kick rocks.


wife-4-life
by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:23 PM
I suppose wait it out. He's mad that your weren't forth coming about it. I'm sure he'll get over it.
ZamilyMom
by Member on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:41 PM
This. The way you told him made it seem like you were making a confession and admitting that you were guilty of something.

Quoting glynch: Unless there's a reason you shouldn't be around your ex than your husband should be thankful your ex helped you out. The only thing I would have done differently would have been as soon as my husband got home I would have showed him the curtains and told him about how your ex helped you out. If he wants to be a kid about it I would go about my business and tell him to kick rocks.
Fakemom7
by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:46 PM
2 moms liked this
Honestly, it sounds like your DH is a little insecure. You probably should have just told him when he got home.

If its really that big of an issue to him, next time wait until hes off to do a project.
white_wolf454
by Member on Jul. 14, 2017 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this

wait it out and let him come to you but while waiting don't treat him bad make his favorite family meal but if he doesn't come to you in a day or two call him out, I get you and your ex got history but he should not be allowing his manhood get in the way of his marriage 

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2017 at 6:01 AM

Is he usually this way when he's mad at you? and does he have a reason to not trust you around your ex?

I'm trying to understand why this is such a big deal.. so it's somewhere in the 'relationship lines'.

If my exdh had been my 2nd dh instead of my first.. I can see him acting like that. He could be quite the asshole and we eventually divorced. He became more and more untrusting as he got older, and when he was mad at me or one of our daughters, we'd all get the silent treatment for 3 or 4 days. That's borderline emotionally abusive.

Anyway.............. I hope it's smoothed out for you. All you can do is say "Look, I realize I messed up. I didn't do it to be difficult. I was trying to be helpful and cut down on that electric bill, and I should have been patient and waited, but I didn't. I've apologized. I can't unring the bell. Let me know when you're ready to move forward".

Or grab the nail by the head and say "What specifically about this situation is bothering you so much?" .. then did through all the "Why?"s to get to the bottom of it all.

How was he the next day.


mommytoeandb
by Member on Jul. 16, 2017 at 6:20 AM
I'd sit down for a discussion. The silent treatment is not okay. It is passive aggressive and often used to gain control.

Do you often avoid things in order not to upset him?

Frankly, I'd be irritated and annoyed if my husband waited until bedtime to start a discussion.

If you've apologized (said why you were sorry and made a plan not to do it again), I'd call out his childish behavior.



MysticLove
by Member on Jul. 16, 2017 at 11:33 AM

I've never been unfaithful to him, but I have hidden things in the past long before we were married. I wouldn't say that he doesn't trust me around the ex, but because of the hidden things a long time ago he get mad when he feels like I am hiding something. I really can't blame him. I know I should have told him as soon as I asked the ex for help. DH wouldn't be mad if I had done that. That is what he is really mad about. Things are getting better. He is talking again. He is still mad, but you can't ask someone to change how they feel. He says he will get over it and he isn't acting mad so I know everything is going to be alright. We've only been married 10 months and its been a long time since I have had to consider another adults feelings when making household decisions (I was divorced 10 years before DH and I married). Its a learning process.

Quoting Fayanne:

Is he usually this way when he's mad at you? and does he have a reason to not trust you around your ex?

I'm trying to understand why this is such a big deal.. so it's somewhere in the 'relationship lines'.

If my exdh had been my 2nd dh instead of my first.. I can see him acting like that. He could be quite the asshole and we eventually divorced. He became more and more untrusting as he got older, and when he was mad at me or one of our daughters, we'd all get the silent treatment for 3 or 4 days. That's borderline emotionally abusive.

Anyway.............. I hope it's smoothed out for you. All you can do is say "Look, I realize I messed up. I didn't do it to be difficult. I was trying to be helpful and cut down on that electric bill, and I should have been patient and waited, but I didn't. I've apologized. I can't unring the bell. Let me know when you're ready to move forward".

Or grab the nail by the head and say "What specifically about this situation is bothering you so much?" .. then did through all the "Why?"s to get to the bottom of it all.

How was he the next day.


Sissy-Smurf
by Member on Jul. 16, 2017 at 11:35 AM

. . . . I mean, waiting until he had a day off wouldn't have killed you or made your electricity bill any higher. I'm not sure where the wrong-seal comes into it and how curtains are supposed to reduce your electricity but whatever -- anyway, you were impatient and he is being a jealous baby. Just wait it out -- he'll come to ya and realize it's stupid. I wouldn't have exy-poo over again any time soon, tho'. 

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