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I’m not happy anymore (long post)

Posted by on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:38 PM
  • 14 Replies
Me and DH have been together for 5 years and married 4 1/2 of that. We started out rocky and on a bad foot. I got pregnant 2 weeks after meeting him. Already had my daughter who was 4 months at the time with my physically abusive ex. My dh was super sweet and caring. Took me out, soent time with me. All the stuff I had wanted. Quickly he became mentally abusive.calling me names, I soent a lot of time crying. He would throw things like the car seats over the balcony etc. never put his hands on me though. I’d ask to be left alone and he would follow, pestering and saying my name repeatedly. I was miserable. I stuck it out though because he had good qualities as well and I was pregnant with our son. 6 months later we married. All was well again for a bit.Then he started in with his crap. We argued constantly about every little thing and I began to notice we have nothing in common. He hates being around people when I’m social. He hates leaving the house in general. Gets moody when we do. He just wants to sit and live in a fantasy world of abusive talk and video games all the the things he likes but none of what I like. He doesn’t speak to my family when their over unless spoken to. He’s weird and leaves the room to sit secluded. When I ask him what’s wrong he says nothing. He’s an odd one in all honestly and I didn’t realize this till marriage and real life set in. Anyway I married him solely because I had a kid with him. Stupid. He was great with my daughter. And was good to our son. He stepped up when needed for my sweet lily and now fully excepts her as his own because her father took off 4 years ago. He’s great in that way. And he’s awesome when it comes to helping me clean the house, he helps when I’m sick. Watches the kids so I can grocery shop etc. he seems like the dream to others who know him at work or friends that are around. Fast forward to NOW. We took a break for 2 months. We’ve been reunited for 3 months now after the break. I left him because I was never happy. We never did anything together because he didn’t want to. And when we did he barely spoke or spoke of the same crap he always did. Video games, bills or doctor visits he had coming up for nerve medicine. He spoke of the same stuff every day! It drove me insane. It was like my days were on repeat and I became depressed and secluded. So when I left I told him it all. Told him that the stuff he said to me when mad cut me deep and I couldnt find a way to let it go. Apologies never meant anything because he’d say the same stuff again. That I was lazy, when I work 12 hour shifts and still come home to motherly duties and did them proudly. He called me selfish. Stupid. Psycho because of my depression or mental illness. Threatened to have me committed to a state ward for no reasoning at all. It was crazy the stuff he said to me! During that break he begged me to come back.said he would change. Sent me flowers. Brought me things I needed regardless of him being gone. I missed him yeah. But I also enjoyed being the kind of person I wanted to be. I took care of my kids the way I wanted instead of arguing with him on how he did things, I went out with friends now and then. I was enjoying life for once.I felt better relieved almost. He was heart broken. Was losing weight from not eating because he was in hell without me according to him. I Turley started to believe he was just going to wither away and die if I didn’t do something. So I took him back! Now we’re right where we started. Same stuff. Same old crap different days. I’m not happy. Always in a bad mood and can’t seem to bring myself to even be slightly in love with him again. He’s done so much and so many things have happened that I can’t look past it. Worst thing is he has no clue that I’m still not happy. He thinks we’re fine and we’re not. We’ve done counseling in the past twice. Nothing helps. I can’t stand being around him... even our sex life sucks. I want adventure and excitement. He wants nothing to do with any of it. I can’t forget what he’s done and what he still does. And we clash so badly with our personalities that I have no life outside of him. I can barely have friends without him whining that I’m happier when I’m with them. Because they want to actually do things! Not sit on their rumps and watch the days go by... I need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if I should stay, or go. Or if I even have the balls to tell him I’m not happy once again because he never understood before why I wasn’t and I know he wouldn’t now. Is just being unhappy in a relationship a good enough reason to leave?
by on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:45 PM
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Lorty, that was a long story. If you are this unhappy and he keeps emotionally abusing you I would leave. Why would you stay in a marriage when all your husband does is emotionally abuse you. Your kids don't need to be around that either.

Either tell him to shape up or SHIP OUT!! Plain and simple!!!!!

by Member on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:47 PM
Get a lawyer.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:51 PM
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Being unhappy isn't really the problem here. Being married to an abusive prick is the problem. That is definitely reason enough to leave.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 3, 2017 at 1:52 PM
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Yes, being miserable is a good reason to leave a marriage, especially if counseling hasn't worked. You said yourself he is verbally abusive, and he manipulated you into taking him back.

You realize now that marrying him only because of the kids was mistake. Fix your mistake. Leave him and stay gone.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 3, 2017 at 8:11 PM
Don't stay "for the kids", kids can have mental issues develope from the verbal abuse being done to you.

Statistically (usually), verbal abuse not only turns physical and progressively dangerous but also they eventually have a negative impact on the kids.

The exception is him getting extensive mental health evaluations and seeking medication, therapy, diet changes that could possibly change his behavior and words.

by Brenda on Nov. 4, 2017 at 5:36 AM
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Please don't put yourself or the kids through this anymore! They are seeing and hearing it all. Your husband is abusive. Emotional abuse is abuse. You need to get out. Ask family for help, get a plan together, file for separation (if that's how your state works). It's time to go and get a life you and your kids will be happy with. I can't imagine being spoken to like that, or having things thrown around. He needs a therapist. You need to find peace.
by Member on Nov. 4, 2017 at 5:47 AM
Abuse is grounds for divorce and I'm not one to advocate it.Clearly,you are happier without your husband.Pity isn't worth the mental anguish.Do what is best for you and your children.
by Member on Nov. 4, 2017 at 5:48 AM
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I'm not one to say you should leave because you're unhappy, but you're unhappy because you are living with your abuser. That is no place for a living relationship, children or this "man" for that matter. For everyone's sake I think it's best if you leave.
by New Member on Nov. 5, 2017 at 5:55 PM
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Thanks for the responses ladies... I have some things to consider and a lot of thinking to do.
by on Nov. 10, 2017 at 5:13 PM

I would encourage you to speak to a professional.  There are a  lot of latent feelings which I sensed from your letter.  You are frustrated but also somewhat angry and you need to go deeper than the tip of how you're feeling now.

You must find the peace and joy before you can find that with anyone. The external things will not satisfy the internal longing. God Bless

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