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Im Crumbling

Posted by on Nov. 10, 2017 at 1:47 AM
  • 20 Replies
My husband has left me and my 3 children alone. He is living a double life and has one foot in and one foot out.its been this way for months. I pray for him to teturn but im alone doing everything by myself. I joined today because im afraid we will never see him or speak to him again. You see his car has broken down so this is the longest we have not seen him and now our cell phones are due but i have decided to not pay his share this month. It is very hard for me to know i will have no contact. But he never answered my calls anyways and paying for him to stay in contact with who? Im his wife so everyone else is who? I begged him to call tonight its his last night with the phone. My kids they miss him more than me if its possible. But nothing. I begged him to take the bus here. I would have even picked him up but i didnt offer. He would have said no he has a new life that it seems like he doesnt even want his kids a part of. They are 12 , 3 and 4. Im broken & crumbling. Im struggling to survive but i am surviving thnks only to god. I want us to work it out but he has moved on without us. A hard pill to swollow. I am here for support to get me through.
by on Nov. 10, 2017 at 1:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
NearSeattleMom
by on Nov. 10, 2017 at 1:49 AM

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that.

It sounds really hard.

Do you have any support around you? Maybe church friends or work friends or family?

Quoting Mimi1848: My husband has left me and my 3 children alone. He is living a double life and has one foot in and one foot out.its been this way for months. I pray for him to teturn but im alone doing everything by myself. I joined today because im afraid we will never see him or speak to him again. You see his car has broken down so this is the longest we have not seen him and now our cell phones are due but i have decided to not pay his share this month. It is very hard for me to know i will have no contact. But he never answered my calls anyways and paying for him to stay in contact with who? Im his wife so everyone else is who? I begged him to call tonight its his last night with the phone. My kids they miss him more than me if its possible. But nothing. I begged him to take the bus here. I would have even picked him up but i didnt offer. He would have said no he has a new life that it seems like he doesnt even want his kids a part of. They are 12 , 3 and 4. Im broken & crumbling. Im struggling to survive but i am surviving thnks only to god. I want us to work it out but he has moved on without us. A hard pill to swollow. I am here for support to get me through.


TommyAbby
by Melissa on Nov. 10, 2017 at 8:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry you are going through this, but now is the time to start protecting you and the kids. File for support, custody, get things in your name.. and if you can, get into therapy to help you work through everything.  


Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 10, 2017 at 8:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Good lord woman, Stop begging. You need to realize that you deserve more than he is giving you, and your children deserve a better example of what a wife and husband should be. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to put your foot down, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

I divorced after 27 years, and I can tell you from experience, I never should have allowed my daughters to see the example their father showed them.

If you want support that encourages you to stay in this marriage, you won't get it from me. Sometimes the best thing we can do is the hardest thing to do.

Mimi1848
by on Nov. 10, 2017 at 12:15 PM
Well him and I actually moved to a new city a few years ago so I have no family. But Im starting to make friends but I am pretty jaded. My husband and I started as friends & he turned on me for no reason. I guess what Im doing sounds a lot like begging. I feel that way to & i dont want that. It was a huge step for me to not pay his phone bill & cut off any communication. He doesnt want to hold down a job anymore & can't come up with $50 for his share of the phone bill.I have to take things one step at a time at my pace. My husband is not begging to come home but he he is also not begging for a divorce. I would do anything to save the marriage but his actions show me that he has moved on. I wouldn't be suprised if he had another woman. But I am slowly cutting the ties that bind us at my pace. But with no communication I am hoping I can start to just focus and me and my kids and our life.i never heard from him last night or this morning. He is a 45 minute bus ride away we are in the same city. Last night I decided to move after the holidays just out of the space we shared. His things are still all here so that confuses the little ones and when the new year comes a new start for us.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2017 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

men don't just leave unless 1) there is some form of mental illness going on, or 2) they have another woman lined up.

men don't "just leave"

Mimi1848
by on Nov. 12, 2017 at 2:35 PM
I came here for support not for someone to push me off the ledge. Maybe one day I will get to where you are at but I am not there today. I thought this would help but its not.
Mimi1848
by on Nov. 12, 2017 at 2:40 PM
I knew there would be some harsh words. But I am moving forward with my life. It may not be your way. But im moving forward with my children.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2017 at 7:56 PM

as a mom to three daughters, I questioned whether I should stay or go. Do I show my kids that we can work it out? or that we throw in the towel and walk. What should my daughters have seen.. that I allow myself to be treated like a doormat, or that I stand up for myself, and show them that I won't be treated  to less than I deserve?

A well worded wake up call, harsh as it may have been, would have probably been the best thing someone could have told me. Staying with an emotionally abusive, alcoholic, narcissistic dh is not the example I should have shown my girls.

When my youngest went off to college, she'd been dating this guy in an on and off again relationship. I never once ever heard him give her  a compliment. It was all about him, and everything he did right, and everything she did wrong. Hmm. How familiar.  She finally dumped him for good, and a year after the fact, she confided to me that he'd once thrown her down a flight of stairs in a fit of rage. I was horrified. Why would she put up with that kind of treatment??? Her response - "I basically figured all men are assholes and you just pick your poison."

So, why would I encourage you to beg and grovel to a man that can't treat the mother of his children with love and respect?

You should look for a therapist to help you figure out why you feel the need to stay in such a demeaning relationship, and set the bar so low for yourself and your children. 

Why are you so desperately clinging to a man that treats you this way???

Mimi1848
by on Nov. 12, 2017 at 8:40 PM
Thank you for sharing with me and I understand it all fully. Things were not always like this for my relationship. I was once treated like his queen. But my husband does not want me or my children. He has moved on so i need to move me and my children on without him. So there is no hope for my marriage. I have to find a way to cope & help my children through this struggle. Im not ready to file for divorce even though we are over it will come in time. I have just come to terms.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2017 at 5:57 AM

Good luck to you.

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

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