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Lost the feeling

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2017 at 8:14 PM
  • 16 Replies
11 years marriage, 2 kids. Trying to make everybody believe that we have a very happy family. But inside I feel "empty". Being a good wife and mom more like daily job. My husband really love me (now). But it's too late. He admired he didn't love me that much when he marry me, he's not ready, treat me like a jerk for years, told me all stories about all woman in his past, told me who his love is his life. Showed me their photos proudly, still keep all of that now.
I don't have feeling for him anymore since long ago. Even I stay in this marriage and act as good mom and wife. Am I wrong, stupid...and if I have somebody else to love is that ok?
by on Nov. 19, 2017 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NearSeattleMom
by on Nov. 20, 2017 at 3:09 AM
2 moms liked this

I believe that love is a choice and a decision.  Feelings come and go.

You might benefit from finding a therapist.  I don't think it's too late.


Quoting Alathea.Mum: 11 years marriage, 2 kids. Trying to make everybody believe that we have a very happy family. But inside I feel "empty". Being a good wife and mom more like daily job. My husband really love me (now). But it's too late. He admired he didn't love me that much when he marry me, he's not ready, treat me like a jerk for years, told me all stories about all woman in his past, told me who his love is his life. Showed me their photos proudly, still keep all of that now. I don't have feeling for him anymore since long ago. Even I stay in this marriage and act as good mom and wife. Am I wrong, stupid...and if I have somebody else to love is that ok?


MomAnn10
by on Nov. 20, 2017 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you are very frustrated with your marriage. I agree that love is a decision.  You made a commitment to your husband so work on your relationshlp with him. Have you considered going out on a date together and doing something that you both enjoy?' Sometimes life gets so busy working and racing around with the kids that you don't get to have any fun anymore. My husband and I like to go hiking in the woods and explore new places we haven't been to before. It gets us away from the screens and we get to catch up together. Hope you can find some time to spend together.

Alathea.Mum
by New Member on Nov. 20, 2017 at 1:53 PM
Thanks for advise. I am never stop trying to stay in this relationship. But I still feel lonely. I always pray that I can love my husband again and forget him for the pain that he made and cause me lost that feeling. He love me now, I know that. And he really love our kids, our family. I just feel stuck sometime, like I never really that happy. I am living with someone who just as partner, take care our kids. I hope I didn't die soon...lol...I want to feel happy, loved and in love again.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 5:43 AM
1 mom liked this

......... I'm wondering why you married him in the first place...?

and you say he loves you 'now'.... ? what is he doing differently?

You sound like you are not over the hurt he's caused you yet, or you are caught in a fairy tale mindset. Or a combination of both.

What he'd done with the pictures, comments, etc, IS very hurtful, and many women would not have stayed. Why did you?

I'm sure there's a lot more to your story, so giving advice is difficult.

Deep down, we all want to love and be loved. The kind of love men need, though, is very often different from the love women need.

Only you can decide what you deserve. Divorce is rarely ever easy. Recovering from divorce is hard. There's no guarantee that there will be love waiting for you on the other side.

Having somebody else to love... as in an affair??? NEVER a good idea, and it's rarely ever the real thing.

Good luck.  Counseling may help you sort things out.


cherishedgal
by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:57 AM

I totally understand how hard a marriage is, I’ve been married for so many years and through those years I’ve been in love, and out of love but still keeping it together for our kids and vow to God, and now it’s more of a comfortable best friend forever type love.  There are just so many degrees of love. But the bottom line is- I would never want to not have him in my life and my kids lives, we all need him.  I never went to therapy, as such, just guidance from my minister, but my son and his wife have been to counseling and it helped them through a really tough time in their marriage.  I just decided long ago to give it to God and He would have to get me through those times when I was about to give up.  I commend you for keeping your kids best interest at heart and not just giving up.  I am praying that you can find some solace during these rough times. 

Alathea.Mum
by New Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 9:11 PM
I love your comments. Very wise. Thank you so much.
You completely right, it's the hurtful feeling that I don't know how to get away from it. I wish one day I awake and I can forget it all.
I stay in this relationship because too many people will be disappointed if I make decision to give up. And now with 2 kids even harder. I am not planning to give up. But I know I will always feel lonely around my own family.
I wonder how many woman feel this way...stuck...lonely.

Quoting Fayanne:

......... I'm wondering why you married him in the first place...?

and you say he loves you 'now'.... ? what is he doing differently?

You sound like you are not over the hurt he's caused you yet, or you are caught in a fairy tale mindset. Or a combination of both.

What he'd done with the pictures, comments, etc, IS very hurtful, and many women would not have stayed. Why did you?

I'm sure there's a lot more to your story, so giving advice is difficult.

Deep down, we all want to love and be loved. The kind of love men need, though, is very often different from the love women need.

Only you can decide what you deserve. Divorce is rarely ever easy. Recovering from divorce is hard. There's no guarantee that there will be love waiting for you on the other side.

Having somebody else to love... as in an affair??? NEVER a good idea, and it's rarely ever the real thing.

Good luck.  Counseling may help you sort things out.

momof2555
by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

i think it's never too late to be happy. and if you would be happier without your DH because of all the things he has done to you, then I say leave. hugs!

Alathea.Mum
by New Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you. And I do keep trying my best. I will stay even my goal now just for my kids happiness. They are my hope, my dreams.
Talked about vow. When we married he admitted to me that he cross his finger on his back when he made the vow. He said he can't make promise just love me. Either he just to honest and I should appreciate that or he better just keep that for him self, but for sure I was hurt even from we just started. And so much more.
Now I see him as partner in life...for our rise our kids. He's not my lover. We just living together. And he never know what I truly feel.
Even this is not perfect situation but I always tell my self, there's much more worse situation for some couples out there.

Quoting cherishedgal:

I totally understand how hard a marriage is,
I’ve been married for so many years and through those years I’ve been in love,
and out of love but still keeping it together for our kids and vow to God, and
now it’s more of a comfortable best friend forever type love.  There are just so many degrees of love. But
the bottom line is- I would never want to not have him in my life and my kids
lives, we all need him.  I never went to
therapy, as such, just guidance from my minister, but my son and his wife have
been to counseling and it helped them through a really tough time in their
marriage.  I just decided long ago to
give it to God and He would have to get me through those times when I was about
to give up.  I commend you for keeping
your kids best interest at heart and not just giving up.  I am praying that you can find some solace
during these rough times. 

Alathea.Mum
by New Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 9:28 PM
I can't be sure leave will solve my problems. I scared if I will feel even more lonely if I lose everything I have now, my family.
I still want to find my own happiness. Maybe I just need to wait longer...one day I believe I will be happy. Or maybe I will grow wise and see everything in different perspective and learn to just be happy and enjoy life.

Quoting momof2555:

i think it's never too late to be happy. and if you would be happier without your DH because of all the things he has done to you, then I say leave. hugs!

cherishedgal
by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 10:38 PM


Quoting Alathea.Mum: Thank you. And I do keep trying my best. I will stay even my goal now just for my kids happiness. They are my hope, my dreams. Talked about vow. When we married he admitted to me that he cross his finger on his back when he made the vow. He said he can't make promise just love me. Either he just to honest and I should appreciate that or he better just keep that for him self, but for sure I was hurt even from we just started. And so much more. Now I see him as partner in life...for our rise our kids. He's not my lover. We just living together. And he never know what I truly feel. Even this is not perfect situation but I always tell my self, there's much more worse situation for some couples out there.
Quoting cherishedgal:

I totally understand how hard a marriage is, I’ve been married for so many years and through those years I’ve been in love, and out of love but still keeping it together for our kids and vow to God, and now it’s more of a comfortable best friend forever type love.  There are just so many degrees of love. But the bottom line is- I would never want to not have him in my life and my kids lives, we all need him.  I never went to therapy, as such, just guidance from my minister, but my son and his wife have been to counseling and it helped them through a really tough time in their marriage.  I just decided long ago to give it to God and He would have to get me through those times when I was about to give up.  I commend you for keeping your kids best interest at heart and not just giving up.  I am praying that you can find some solace during these rough times. 


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