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Husband Doesn't consider us a team financially

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2017 at 7:22 PM
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1 mom liked this
I'm in my second marriage and we both have kids with our ex spouses. That's all been fine and we deal with that as best we can. But, after 4 years of marriage, my Husband STILL doesn't see us as together as a team when it comes to money. We only have one checking account together with not a whole lot of money put into it, and we own our home together. That's it. He has his own separate bank accounts and I have a checking account which I receive child support into, so I think that's a good idea. But otherwise he says he doesn't want to be entwined with me. I have excellent credit and I'm not a huge spender! I contribute what I can to our household. He makes a much larger salary than me as well, so that makes me feel less than ☹️ I made a comment that we should at least have one credit card together and he has stormed through the roof! Vthinks im totally out of line and there's no reason for us to have one together. I probably wouldn't even spend on it, just thought married people should share one, but he says no. I have my own credit card that I use, and I would gladly add him if we wanted, so why doesn't he feel the same?!!! I didn't get married to turn around and get divorced, I'm planning on til death do us part, but it's like he regrets having everything together with his first wife, so he doesn't want to share with me. It's very hurtful, just the fact he feels that way. It's not that I want to spend "HIS" money......anyone else feel this way? Am I way off wanting things together?!
by on Nov. 27, 2017 at 7:22 PM
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by New Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 7:32 PM

He may have a reason for acting this way and he owes you a clear explanation so you can understand him better. Don't give up getting to the bottom of this. You are NOT his previous wife and he owes you that respect. 

by Brenda on Nov. 27, 2017 at 8:05 PM
What went down in his past that has him behaving this way? Did you guys discuss finances before getting married? We share everything in our home. We discuss finances weekly and are very open about purchases or future financial plans and budgeting. Your spouse’s behavior definitely shows something bad happened in his past. Yes you aren’t his ex, but he is untrustworthy and for some, that may never change.
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2017 at 5:25 AM

how we handle money is how we handle life.

honestly.. since his reaction is so strong, take him to couples counseling to find out what's going on.

his lack of trust for you financially will eat you up.

by Member on Nov. 28, 2017 at 5:35 AM
It could be that you each have your own kids, so you each keeping things seperated makes things easier for estate purposes. I know there are some people who approach a second marriage from that perspective.

Does he deny you things?

Do you not live well?

Does he not go in jointly on bills?

If you have your own credit card, why do you need to co-mingle your credit cards?

After what happened to me financially, I honestly don't see ever completely combining and co-mingling my everything with another person.

Also, the unfortunate reality is that second marriages have a higher chance of divorce even than first, so he could just be pragmatic in protecting himself.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2017 at 3:01 PM

You said it yourself, He doesn't want to share financial assets just in case. I cant blame him for wanting to be cautious, I'm in my first marriage of 13 years, and we still arent 100% financially intertwined, which isn't really a bad thing tbh. 

by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2017 at 2:47 AM
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We have had joint everything since day one. No way would I be married with separate accounts.
by on Nov. 29, 2017 at 6:38 PM

I can understand your trepedations and concern about this issue.  I agree with other commenters that you should get to the root of the cause behind it.  Would he consider doing a course with you such as Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey?  It would give you all a lot of time to openly dialogue about things concerning finances.  There are also great online tools such as "You Need a Budget," where you could organize finances more, and talk at minimum each month about them.  (I would like weekly would be the most ideal.)  These discussions are not fun in the beginning, but as you reach middle ground, they get a lot easier.

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