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How should i tell her?

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 7:18 PM
  • 18 Replies
My friends husband for the past few days has been sending me messages through messenger, and they are inappropriate. My question is not if I should tell her, but how should I tell her?

A little back story. I've known them (mainly her) for a couple years now. She's more closer to my mom's age (she's in her early 50's) and her husband is in his mid 30's. She's an awesome person, and he's kind of a creep. He's the one at social gatherings who really doesn't say much if anything at all, and just watches people all the time. Well, a few months ago, he added me on facebook, and up until 2 days ago, the only messages that he has sent to me were all those "chain mail" messages. He waved to me, and I waved back, not thinking anything of it. After the "waves" he told me he wanted to know what I look like naked, and to keep this a secret blah blah blah. He even told me that he would send me pics of him if I sent him pics of me. The thing about me is, when someone tells me to keep a secret (especially like this) my husband doesn't count. I will tell him, and I have.

So, back to my original question, how should I tell her? I've had this happen to me before and I lost a friend over it, and I don't want to do that again.
by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 7:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
horcruxnumber8
by Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 7:21 PM
3 moms liked this
I would take screen shots but also have lunch and show her the real texts.
BMead1695
by Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 7:28 PM

Screenshot all of the messages, invite her over because in my opinion this wouldn't be the news you'd want to give in public and talk to her. Show her what all he's been sending you.

anotherandree
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 7:30 PM
2 moms liked this
Totally agree.

Screenshot everything. Maybe bring your laptop to show her? I would do it over lunch but not necessarily in a super crowded place.

And I agree with telling your husband. You did nothing wrong. And I'm sorry you have to tell your friend her husband is a creep.


Quoting horcruxnumber8: I would take screen shots but also have lunch and show her the real texts.
lpn54
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 11:36 PM
Tell her the truth there s a problem that needs to be addressed with her husband
Ditzyblondemom
by Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 11:47 PM

I agree with everyone's posts above. It needs to be address. How would you feel if it was your husband sending the message to you friend.?You would want to know.

kika.fleur
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 11:50 PM

That's what I did. 

Quoting horcruxnumber8: I would take screen shots but also have lunch and show her the real texts.


M4LG5
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 10:16 AM
I agree with the others....screenshot, show her and talk about it.

I'm curious, what did you tell him when he sent those messages?
sunnyface
by on Dec. 29, 2017 at 4:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Have you told him that you find his appalling behavior inappropriate and that you have told your husband because the two of you love and respect one another and that extra-marital activities just aren’t part of your marriage vows? This man needs to know that you aren’t interested in pursuing anything other than friendship. I would start with him first. Perhaps, if he knows that you aren’t “playing” with him and neither is your husband, he may change his tune and concentrate more on his wife. On the other hand, maybe you aren’t the first woman that he’s been interested in and your friend needs to know that her husband is acting out and dishonoring his own marriage vows. Maybe a gentle conversation with your friend, over a nice cup of tea and chocolates, would be the way to go. I’m sorry you are put in this position and I do hope you find a quiet resolution that keeps your friendship intact.

Bobiscool
by on Dec. 29, 2017 at 5:38 PM

I am glad to hear you discussed this with your husband.  It is right thing to do.  I get your dilemma, on one hand you feel your friend should know, yet you don't want to hurt her. Have you considered approaching him with your husband?  Perhaps after confronting the friend's husband, You and your husband can go with him to tell his wife. This article might give you some ideas. Just remember even good marriages can have infidelity issues.  It does not mean the end of your friendship or their marriage.  hugs


UCFknight
by Brenda on Dec. 29, 2017 at 5:40 PM
What an awful man! I am glad you are telling her. Definitely agree with others! Put it all out there for her to see, and let her deal with him.
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