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Please help. Another loss of what to do

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2018 at 7:31 PM
  • 28 Replies
Hey ladies, I just want to say thank you in advance for reading this as it might be kind of long.

I’ve been having several issues with my boyfriend who’s is 28 and I’m 26 (4 1/2 years together and we have a 3 1/2 year old daughter) that I really need advice on. I don’t have many friends to tell and the ones I do, aren’t the kind I can really air my dirty laundry to.

To start off, I recently found multiple dating profiles he made. As recent as 12/27/17. I was able to figure his password out and log on to see what he was up to. Messaging girls, “winking” and “flirting” with them etc.

When I called him out on these, he blantaly lied to my face - not knowing I saw with my own eyes. I said someone saw him on a dating site- not specifying exactly which one.

His next excuse was that he knew I would find out and wanted to “make me mad” because he thought it would be funny to mess with me because “I’m known to snoop”. I really don’t snoop and invade his privacy but I have this gut feelings something is off and almost every time I find something he shouldn’t be doing.

While I’m calling him out on this (I was trying to wait until he tried to meet up or something besides just online stuff - either way it’s wrong though!) but I couldn’t hold it in. When I call him to tell him he needs to stay elsewhere that night, he keeps lying and after we get off the phone, I check back to see he messaged a girl AFTER we got off the phone!!!!!

This time last year he was doing these things, I’m not sure the extent because it completely blindsided me. We were having problems back then and I should’ve seen the signs, but this time around everything has been great! I just felt something was off and decided to look.

When I try to talk about this, he blows me off or doesn’t respond or changes the subject. It sounds crazy but with a toddler and full time job I don’t have the time to argue if he’s not going to own up to it.

On top of all this, I think he has a porn problem. I don’t mind a little porn here and there. But I’m talking probably every day. He gets off work before me and will go home to “relax” before anything else. Even when he knows we will have an intimate evening, I’ve caught him in the bathroom right before he planned to lay with me.

We have an amazing sex life - it’s not boring by any means. My sex drive hasn’t been the usual due to low self confidence and feeling of not being wanted/loved. Plus I know he’s looking/probably talking to other girls and it disgusts me.

I get our daughter ready in the mornings, pick her up when I’m off work in time, give her a bath every night and do the whole bedtime routine myself. Even after “relaxing” for a few hours every day before I’m off work, he’s in bed before me and gets up after me.

I have to nag to get things done usually, he will sometimes do things on his own around the house. Which also contributes to me being too tired or irritated when I finally lay down for sleep.

My favorite thing in the world (he knows this!) is having my back tickled to fall asleep. I’ve literally begged him to tickle, rub, massage etc. my back in bed and he will either tell me “in a min” or flat out no. Now I just don’t ask.

I’ve said I’m done plenty of times before and now he doesn’t take me seriously. I know how I would feel as an outsider hearing this - but I feel trapped.

We just bought a house (literally days before the dating profiles came about) and I’m very close with his family. I don’t really have family of my own since my mom passed away right before we got together.

I’m trying to keep us together for our daughter. And now that we made this commitment with the house I’m just at a loss on what to do.

The part that drives me crazy are the things I’m sure I don’t know about!!!!! Who knows how many sites he’s on or who he’s met up with or whatever.

I start school next week and I’m not sure I can even focus in my evening classes knowing he’s home alone doing who knows what.

I know I’m not perfect but I put up with a lot of this disrespectful shit because he’s the father of my child and I love him so much it hurts. Plus it’s just easy to be together. I don’t really have anyone on my side saying LEAVE! And even though I know that’s what I would tell someone, I can’t bring myself to do it.

We do have a good times. He won’t open up to why he’s doing these things. Saying it’s not anything with me, blah blah.

I have told him if he wants to break up then so be it. I would probably be happier that way. But he’s the one that says no no no and begs for me to not leave. But then turns right around and does it again.

I guess my question is - is this relationship salvageable? Or even worth saving? Or am I just an easy ticket and what is expected of him?
by on Jan. 6, 2018 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Jan. 6, 2018 at 7:47 PM
4 moms liked this

He's cheating and you don't know what to do?  You kick his cheating ass to the curb.  File for full custody and child support for your children.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2018 at 9:01 PM
2 moms liked this

if he won't admit what he's doing, I don't see how it's salvageable.

the disrespect would be too much for me. Leave.

by Member on Jan. 6, 2018 at 9:16 PM
1 mom liked this
that’s ridiculous. He’s never going to chance, this relationship is never going to be what you want it to be. You are grasping at straws to even come up with neutral or positive things. The house issue can be solved. You can find a new support system. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you or respect you out of convenience. It may be hard to get out, but in five years, you’ll look back and be so happy you did.
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2018 at 9:33 PM
Yup.....time to move on.

Quoting Fayanne:

if he won't admit what he's doing, I don't see how it's salvageable.

the disrespect would be too much for me. Leave.

by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2018 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this

This is not a relationship that works, move on.

by Melissa on Jan. 7, 2018 at 8:41 AM
3 moms liked this

Posted by 

 on Oct. 22, 2017 at 6:46 AM

He just blantanly lies to me and unless I constantly am checking up on him which isn’t healthy, I can’t know if he’s lying or not. I tell him a lot of things wouldn’t have been an issue if he just didn’t LIE! But he never admits that he’s lied - small things or big things he has never admitted (even when he basically knew I knew!)

And as much as I KNOW he’s on that dang phone, he never seems to answer my texts during the day. During his work or when he’s home relaxing (NOTHING around the house gets done in his several hours of alone time every day!)

He doesn’t clean unless it starts getting bad when Ive had a busy week. Even after he’s taken a nap (almost daily) before getting our daughter from day care, he’s in bed while I’m trying to tidy up or do everyone’s laundry! Never offers to help me. 

^^^^You posted this in October and still thought buying a house was a great idea?!?!??! 

You should have tossed him out then. 

by New Member on Jan. 7, 2018 at 8:46 AM
Run now.....
by Member on Jan. 7, 2018 at 9:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Why on earth would you buy a house with this idiot? Someone pulled up a prior post from October where he was running around on you and you were complaining about it.

You know what you should do. Read your post as if you were reading it from someone else. Does this look like any kind of a relationship at all, or one that you would advise someone to stay in?

He's hanging around because he doesn't have to clean up after himself and so he doesn't have to pay you child support. Simple.
by Member on Jan. 7, 2018 at 10:21 AM

He is lying to you, disrespecting you, cheating on you, all in all treating you like shit. Time to kick his ass to the curb and move on.

by Member on Jan. 7, 2018 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this
There's a very short solution to your long post: Dump him.
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