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Crushing when you're married...

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I need some advice here...

I'm not sure what to do, I haven't felt this way in a very long time and I feel incredibliy guilty.

I'm happily married to a great guy and we have a beautiful baby...

But I have a huge crush on a coworker, to the point where it is distracting to me.

I feel terrible about this.  I worked with this coworker last year, but I was pregnant and never thought anything of him.  Now I interact more with him on a day to day basis.  Around December I started thinking of him more, he started appearing in my dreams.  I found myself excited to see him and enjoy talking to him.  

I'm still thinking about him a lot. I would obviously never do anything and I don't think this feeling in mutal, but I feel terrible that I even feel this way.  I feel guilty that I am cheating on my husband, even though I'm really not.

I'm hoping this feeling will pass soon, but is there anything I can do?  Has anyone else expereienced this too?  

by on Feb. 9, 2018 at 8:39 AM
Replies (11-14):
Mrsfitz0305
by Member on Feb. 15, 2018 at 12:45 AM
I think this is all very true. And you just had a baby. It changed your body and your self view - the idea you could still attract someone new will always brush the ego too.

If you can't avoid him, just keep your guard up. No complaining about your spouse to a member of the opposite sex is my key rule always!

Quoting Sassym0m24: You may feel giulty because to you,you already feel like you crossed your own morals.

Which means even though you won't do x, (is what you say to yourself), you're questioning why you have already broke your own moral code and wonder why and fear it happening again and how far you may break your own line "next time".

"I won't do x" won't stop this,if a pattern of increase is growing and to me it's eaither this shows you something is missing from your marriage for your mind to put husband aside.

No-giult is not an indication of thinking of hubby in this (*really*).

It just means you *have morals*.

Or the chemistry with him is appealing.

Cut it off before it grows anymore.
Figure it what's really missing with hubby that this guy brings out to you and work on that with husband.

Everyone gets tempted at some point.
It's the choices after that that matter.
Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2018 at 5:55 AM

it's not going to just pass if you choose to keep thinking about him and fantasizing.

How would you feel if you knew your dh CHOSE to fantasize about a co-worker?

Tell yourself that what you're doing is emotionally dangerous. Every time you begin to let your mind wander toward him, give yourself a mental picture of your dh and your baby. This is why marriage vows say "forsaking all others"

really........... this is all about the choices you are making.

Sassym0m24
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2018 at 11:53 AM
Right because then they will not be cautious in approaching possible reciprocation of chemistry.

They'll think breaking apart the family is justified.

Quoting Mrsfitz0305: I think this is all very true. And you just had a baby. It changed your body and your self view - the idea you could still attract someone new will always brush the ego too.

If you can't avoid him, just keep your guard up. No complaining about your spouse to a member of the opposite sex is my key rule always!

Quoting Sassym0m24: You may feel giulty because to you,you already feel like you crossed your own morals.

Which means even though you won't do x, (is what you say to yourself), you're questioning why you have already broke your own moral code and wonder why and fear it happening again and how far you may break your own line "next time".

"I won't do x" won't stop this,if a pattern of increase is growing and to me it's eaither this shows you something is missing from your marriage for your mind to put husband aside.

No-giult is not an indication of thinking of hubby in this (*really*).

It just means you *have morals*.

Or the chemistry with him is appealing.

Cut it off before it grows anymore.
Figure it what's really missing with hubby that this guy brings out to you and work on that with husband.

Everyone gets tempted at some point.
It's the choices after that that matter.
GypsyTunnels21
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2018 at 8:54 PM
Omg same. We don't talk outside of our job, and this coworker is kind of all around flirty and I am too, so I'm just trying to convince myself I don't think of him any differently than any guy aside from my husband, but I secretly do. The guilt is dreadful but at the same time, I feel like it's normal to "crush" on other people. I say I would never act on it ... but you never say never.
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