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When to say enough?

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2018 at 4:27 PM
  • 21 Replies
Been with my current partner for 2 years, married only 7 months. Things have been sour for about a year, our relationship has always been tough, in the beginning he was a heavy drinker and smoker but great guy, months pass, he doesn’t drink as much and doesn’t smoke anymore but as time has gone on he has became more unsupportive, verbally and emotionally abusive and had hit me once after I had hit him in an argument. We fight a lot and it’s always over the same shit, I’ve never cheated but he has always accused me of cheating, he’s not as supportive, will call me names like “bitch” when we fight. To make the story short, he has changed and I’m not happy, our relationship is super stressful, he’s always had a job but is constantly changing jobs, doesn’t help me with the house or kids, can be quite controlling at time. Our relationship has been tough, since I started dating him, I lost a lot, money, stable place to live, etc..and only gained some of my life back when I left him the first time. We got back together to try again and once again it’s super stressful and I’ve lost money and a stable place to stay once again.
So for the second time, I’ve decided I can’t do it anymore and am leaving him....would you guys agree I’m making the right decision? He’s really convincing that he will change and loves me.
by on Mar. 5, 2018 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
M4LG5
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 4:49 PM

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 

mrblfit
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree, I think our relationship is actually too hostile.

Quoting M4LG5:

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 5:17 PM
2 moms liked this

If that is the case, I would say GET OUT and try to be great co-parents. 

My ex and I are so much better being co-parents in our divorce than what we were in our marriage.  I can actually talk to him more. 

Quoting mrblfit: I agree, I think our relationship is actually too hostile.
Quoting M4LG5:

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 


mrblfit
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this
That’s what’s I’m trying to convince my husband of, I know I’m not perfect, I know I’m at fault for our failing relationship too but one thing for sure is that I feel I cannot talk to him, I cannot be open with him and be myself, I don’t know why I feel that way, maybe I’m afraid of his reaction, maybe it’s because we just don’t have that deep connection, whatever the case is, I feel we would be so much happier and would be able to communicate better if we were just friends. Maybe it’s just the whole marriage thing.

Quoting M4LG5:

If that is the case, I would say GET OUT and try to be great co-parents. 

My ex and I are so much better being co-parents in our divorce than what we were in our marriage.  I can actually talk to him more. 

Quoting mrblfit: I agree, I think our relationship is actually too hostile.

Quoting M4LG5:

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this

If I ever decided to remarry or before I get into another serious relationship, we MUST be friends first.  This is important to me.

Quoting mrblfit: That’s what’s I’m trying to convince my husband of, I know I’m not perfect, I know I’m at fault for our failing relationship too but one thing for sure is that I feel I cannot talk to him, I cannot be open with him and be myself, I don’t know why I feel that way, maybe I’m afraid of his reaction, maybe it’s because we just don’t have that deep connection, whatever the case is, I feel we would be so much happier and would be able to communicate better if we were just friends. Maybe it’s just the whole marriage thing.
Quoting M4LG5:

If that is the case, I would say GET OUT and try to be great co-parents. 

My ex and I are so much better being co-parents in our divorce than what we were in our marriage.  I can actually talk to him more. 

Quoting mrblfit: I agree, I think our relationship is actually too hostile.
Quoting M4LG5:

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 


mrblfit
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 6:08 PM
2 moms liked this
I totally agree 100% you should be able to be open and talk to your significant other. There’s no communication or trust or security if you can’t talk.

Quoting M4LG5:

If I ever decided to remarry or before I get into another serious relationship, we MUST be friends first.  This is important to me.

Quoting mrblfit: That’s what’s I’m trying to convince my husband of, I know I’m not perfect, I know I’m at fault for our failing relationship too but one thing for sure is that I feel I cannot talk to him, I cannot be open with him and be myself, I don’t know why I feel that way, maybe I’m afraid of his reaction, maybe it’s because we just don’t have that deep connection, whatever the case is, I feel we would be so much happier and would be able to communicate better if we were just friends. Maybe it’s just the whole marriage thing.

Quoting M4LG5:

If that is the case, I would say GET OUT and try to be great co-parents. 

My ex and I are so much better being co-parents in our divorce than what we were in our marriage.  I can actually talk to him more. 

Quoting mrblfit: I agree, I think our relationship is actually too hostile.

Quoting M4LG5:

All of this within 2 years?  I definitely don't think this was sudden or was an unexpected change.  Have you gone to counseling....both individually and as a couple?

As for the hitting...both of you are at fault and it should not have even gone there.  This seems to be a very hostile relationship and always has been at some level.  If both of you still care and want to do better, counseling is the only place to go.  Relying on promises is not enough. 

xSissysmurfx
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 9:38 PM
2 moms liked this

You mention you have kids -- is one of them a daughter? If she grew up and met a man like your husband, knowing how he treats you. . . Would you want her with him? If your kids are boys -- would you sit back and let him treat a woman the way you are being treated?

If your answer is hell no - why expose them to this with you going thru it? Children learn by example. If you can't leave for yourself, leave for the kids. He's hit you once. If you stick around, he'll smack you again. 

mrblfit
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 11:49 PM
Thank you so much, I appreciate the perspective from the outside sometimes I forget about how important that is.

Quoting xSissysmurfx:

You mention you have kids -- is one of them a daughter? If she grew up and met a man like your husband, knowing how he treats you. . . Would you want her with him? If your kids are boys -- would you sit back and let him treat a woman the way you are being treated?If your answer is hell no - why expose them to this with you going thru it? Children learn by example. If you can't leave for yourself, leave for the kids. He's hit you once. If you stick around, he'll smack you again. 

Mrsfitz0305
by Member on Mar. 5, 2018 at 11:53 PM
Much like the above poster, my response is always read this and imagine your adult daughter is telling you this about her relationship. What would you tell her to do? Because your choice here IS telling her what to do.

How many kids? Are they his?
mrblfit
by New Member on Mar. 6, 2018 at 2:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I def would not want my daughter to date someone that made her feel the way that I have felt. They are worth more, so much more and I think I’m starting to realize that I deserve more too.
Husband can be very convincing about changin for the better but I think I now know after 2 years that his methods are old.

Quoting Mrsfitz0305: Much like the above poster, my response is always read this and imagine your adult daughter is telling you this about her relationship. What would you tell her to do? Because your choice here IS telling her what to do.

How many kids? Are they his?
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