So i've wanted to marry my BF for 6 years now we've been together for over 7 years and he says he doesnt want to get married EVER but he wants to be with me forever. he wont give me an answer on why he dont want to get married. i feel like someimes he's just here because its comfortable. we just bought our house 6 months ago been living together for almost 7 tho. got 3 kids only 2 is his biologicaly. i dont know what to think about it. i feel like maybe im not good enough or dont make him happy.
Depending on your state, you two may have a common law marriage in the eyes of the law with all of the legalities that entails.
Personally, I would not buy property or have children with a man I was not married to because of the legal issues involved, but it's not my life, so the best I can tell you is that if you intend to continue to stay with this man, then make sure you speak to a lawyer to protect yourself, your property & your kids in the event that anything should happen to your relationship or your BF.
i would sit down and ask for honest answers after 7 years i think you deserve them
I think i deserve it too, i wouldnt want to be with anyone other then him, he/s my world second to my kids of course :) im gonna try and talk to him, dont want to make him marry me lol i just want to know why he doesnt want to. and for the common law we dont have that here i looked into that.
Same here, I told my husband 5 years ago in Jan. 2007 that I didn't want to play house with any man and he asked me to marry him about a week later and we did May 2007.
Quoting chrissysnow22:
I hope you get some answers. I told my then boyfriend that I had no intentions of dating him years on end if the end result wasn't marriage and I definitely wouldn't be having his offspring. He asked for a exp date I told him 3-5 years and I'm leaving. He proposed to me 9 months after officially dating, and we were married 9 months after that. I moved pretty quick now that I think about it but I think part of it could be attributed to the fact that I was very specific and and knew what I wanted.
I think it's time for a sit down and dicuss. If you both have different outlooks on life it will only cause issues later on.
I'm in a similar boat. We've been together 6 years and have on 2y DD together. We recently discussed using our tax return for a wedding and I really hope he takes that seriously. We'll see.
The first year of DD's life I tortured myself with marriage. I bugged him about it and let it really fester for a while. Then I decided to figure out WHY it was so important to me. He says he loves me, wants me forever, so WHY wasn't that good enough for me? In my case it was my mom constant;y telling me I need to be married and basically invalidated my relationship everytime it was brought up. I came to terms with not being married. I realized that I was comfortable with what we have and it was my mom and society who was pressuring me.
I still want to get married. But I put a lot less emphasis on it now and we're less stressed about it. I say relax, enjoy the good man you have.
I look at it the same way as you. We are happy and in love i think my problem is, is that we wont tell me WHY he dont watn to get married.
I totally understand your thoughts and feelings in this matter. There isn't a bad response in this bunch. A marriage certificate is important to some. And, in turn, is just a piece of paper and a formality to others. It's just a matter of what's important to you and why. If you share assests in a common law state, it takes the same legal actions to divorce as it does a certificated marriage. Been there, done that and can tell you ALL about it.
Now, most who know me, know that, after a 25 year abusive marriage (7yrs certificated and the rest common law), I am now divorced. After a 5 year break, I am now with my grade school sweetheart, totally in love and having the time of our lives. We have been together for 5 yrs 4 months. We totally know that we will be getting married. And, that time is actually in the near future according to recent discussions we've been having. For us, the certificate is necessary. 1) We are old school, in case you haven't calculated the numbers from above, lol, not to mention our religious beliefs. 2) He can't insure me without the certificate. 3) His company won't allow me to be the beneficiary of his pension without it. Although same sex couples can without a cert. Reverse discrimination at work.
So, while there are reasons on both ends of the issue, you need to first, look at yourself and ask yourself why it is so important. Then, talk with him and truly listen to his reasons as to why he's against it. The key is to truly LISTEN to his reasoning. Then, let him know why it's important to you and see if you two can come to some meeting of the minds. If you both stand firmly against each other, the relationship is doomed to fail. Been there, done that...
Meal Plan for the week of May 27th- June 2nd
- momof3greatkids
on Feb. 15, 2012 at 1:07 PM