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OT...mother and your last words (might bother some)

Posted by on May. 15, 2012 at 6:07 PM
  • 13 Replies

This is a little off topic, but I received word today that my mother has stage 3 esophagus cancer, and stage 4 lung cancer.  They aren't sure if radiation, chemo, or surgery will help.  She has to go back in on Monday to see more specialist.  At most survival rate is 15-20% for 5 years.  She is already having symptoms..hard to swallow, breathing issues, etc.  This is her third run, as she has battled and beaten breast cancer twice before.  I didn't grow up with my mom.  My dad raised me.  We are military, on West coast while they are on east coast.  In 3 weeks I will be going home for a week, and able to see her.  As of now she looks, acts normal other than a little pain and the swallowing breathing issues.   What would you do with your mother, or say if you only had a short time to see her, and it might be your last time.  I don't want to have any regrets on not asking her something, telling her, or doing something special with her.  I have heard it so many times "Oh how I wish my mother was here so I could...."     I honestly can't think right now. 

by on May. 15, 2012 at 6:07 PM
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by Member on May. 15, 2012 at 6:11 PM

My mother passed when I was 13, she had stage four breast cancer. Now that I have two kids, I wish she would have been able to see them. Pictures I would like to give to her, tell her I love her more then once, hugs and kisses. I wish I could cuddle with her when I am sad and feeling disconnected. Too many things to list

by on May. 15, 2012 at 6:47 PM
I'm sorry my uncle had been diagnosed with esophagal cancer, and passed 9 months later. I would just fill her in on your life, and do all the things you wanted to that you missed growing up.
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by Dawn on May. 15, 2012 at 6:55 PM
I'm sorry. My last conversation with Grandma, she thought I was someone else. My mother I haven't talked to in years, she's now on Facebook and rejected my friend request.
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by on May. 15, 2012 at 7:09 PM

 My mom passed when I was 15 from Ovarian cancer. We had 5 months together from the time she was diagnosed until she passed. We were very close and talked a lot. I wish I would have asked her more about her life as a young woman and her family history. Just so I knew a little more about her as a person, not just as my mom. As a teen I didn't think of those things. I wish I had more pictures of her, even though she hated having her picture taken. Take some pics with your mom, spend lots of time talking. If she's able, do a few things, lunch, movies, picnic etc. You will be glad you have the memories.

by on May. 15, 2012 at 10:47 PM
My sister died from lung cancer in October and growing up we always sang together. I regret not singing with her in the end. I'd say do whatever it is you can. It's the little things we take for granted watching movies, taking walks etc..
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by on May. 15, 2012 at 11:08 PM
by on May. 15, 2012 at 11:11 PM
How old are your kids? Have her do pictures wth them, record books. Spend as much time with her as you can
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:32 AM

Sorry to hear about your mom.  7 1/2 year stage III colon cancer survivor here!  Try not to listen to statistics.  According to statistics, I wasn't supposed to survive.  Just help her stay strong and positive.  I believe it is key to beating the Big C.

Sadly, I have no warm fuzzies for my mom.  I guess the only thing I'd want to ask her is why she turned her back on me when she found out her husband was molesting me all through my teen years.  I know it's not the answer you were looking for.  But, it is the only piece of information I need from her.  How the heck does a mother turn a blind eye to something like that?

by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:38 AM

My mother passed away a little over a year ago--10 days shy of her 87th birthday. She had a massive heart attack followed by a massive stroke; after 5 days we put her in hospice in the hospital. 

I was the only one with her when she passed away.  She was in a coma, but I knew she needed something before she left us, but it took me about 5 days to figure it out.

The Good Lord had things planned for that day because it hit me the night before what she needed to know, a sub was already in place for my college classes that day, and the nurse told me Mom wouldn't make it to the end of her shift when I called at 6 am that morning. (I live about 2 hours away from the hospital).

I flew out of the house and went to be with my Mom.  She needed to know that we had made arrangements for my 98 year old Daddy to live with my brother and that he would be taken care of.  Also told her I had her cat and Snoop Dawg was fine. Told her Dad loved her and was going to be ok.  She took her last breath then so I KNOW she could hear me even if she couldn't respond.

Tell your mother how much you love her while you can. Luckily, I did that so there are no regrets. When the end is near, you also need to tell her it is ok to go. They need to know that.  Please mend the broken fences so you can have a clear conscious--you also don't realize how much that will mean to your Mom.

by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:27 PM

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and experiences!  I'm sorry that some of your experiences weren't the best, or that you were hurt in a way no one should be.    I know my mother and I aren't close as most are, and she has done many things to me.  I know I don't want to have any regrets on my part about doing or saying something.  I can forgive what she didn't do or did to me.  I guess by reading your post that is something I need to share with her, and express those things to her and let her know I love her.

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