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*QOT* I should be happy? *rant*

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:28 PM
  • 19 Replies

So after 15 yrs of marriage and 2 kids, my husband and I decided to take our First family vacation. Well I booked a cabin in the Smokey Mountains for 3 nights got a great deal, looking forward to some family time away from outside stresses. Well he applied for another job, one that would allow for more home time for him, and not thinking he would get it being a very hard company to get your foot in the door. Well he got the job. I said ok but what about the vacation we booked? Well that has set off a 2 day aguement on me being selfish and nonsupportive. I am looking into cancelling the trip, come to find out I cant because I used I discount, but I did get travel insurance and because the state I live in and the fact both of my kids are in school, we have snow days that will be tacked on to the end of the yr I could use that has an excuse to get my $450 back because the tacked on days run into the days I booked.

I am happy he got this job, and I told him that, but he expects me to do cartwheels and not be upset that I have to give up the one thing I was looking forward to, and the frustration of geting a claim filed so maybe we won't loose the money we already spent.

Now he says he wont take the job, because I not happy and doing cartwheels for him and showing him that this trip did not meant nothing to me and go on with out a care in the  world.  I told him to take the job and I will get over it in a day or so.

So am I being selfish?

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:28 PM
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by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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I can certainly understand your frustration.  But, in the long run, the job is going to benefit your family more.  Since there is a way to get your money back, I'd go with that.  Put it aside for a time when you can book another vacation.

I think, in appearances, I'd get over it right away.  This isn't to say you won't still be frustrated.  Just keep it to yourself right now.  He knows.  But, he is also trying to be a good provider.  And, your acceptance of that is very important.  Sad to say, men still look for the acceptance and gratitude for this fact.

Talk with him.  Let him know that you are excited for him getting this job that he never thought would come to fruition.  Both of you come to an understanding that you can always book another vacation.  But, good jobs don't come in droves.

Sorry, I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear.  But, it is an outside, unemotional point of view.  Which, is sometimes needed in cases like this.

by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM
I get what you're feeling. I think you have a right to be upset, and you are right, and you admitted it, you will get over it in a day or two. No matter how long you've been married, sometimes our men don't get it when we say "give me a minute".

Congratulations on the new job, by the way, and I do hope you get that vacation soon.
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by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:42 PM
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This may sound like an off the wall question but:

Since it was going to be a Family Trip, why not take the kids and continue to go without him?

He's an adult, as are you. Sure it's a huge disappointment that he won't be able to be there, but at least you and the kids will still be able to go.

And he will be able to settle into his new job without thinking that he has caused his family to miss an important family time moment (I hope this makes sense)

He can be proud of himself for choosing and getting this new position(Job) and also know that his family are happy on the vacation that he wishes he could be with them on.

I'm not saying that it'll be an easy task, it's not going to be.

But in all honesty, one of you has to start somewhere or the bickering is just going to continue and nothing ever gets solved and remains on good terms that way.

If you're willing:

Explain to Him, that for "Just This Time", You and the Kids will go on this Family Vacation without Him, and that he will be missed very much.

Discuss the ways that You (You & the kids) and He will keep in touch during the vacation.

Ex. : Skype, Text Messaging, Facebook, Internet TV, Cell Phone Calls, Regular Phone Calls, Instant Messaging, etc.

Discuss the things that you will need for him to do around the house, etc. while you are gone.

Ex. : Feed the Dog & other Pets, Water the plants, Take out the garbage, Wash & Dry His Own Laundry, Clean up after Himself, etc.

You may need to go into detail about some tasks as my SO deems Clean Up After Himself & Dishes, Clothing, etc. Entirely Different Things. :) To him those are Household Tasks LOL

I apologize for the letter length response. I completely understand your frustration about planning your First Family Vacation and now being faced with having to cancel it and your husband seeming unfeeling/ uncaring.

True, there will always be Another Vacation, but that doesn't make the way you are feeling right now any less painful, nor does it make it any less REAL.

I hope you find a way to make this vacation time work to you and your family's benefit,

It may turn out to be the Romantic vacation you had in mind, but it can still turn out to be a Very Loving & Beautiful Bonding Experience.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:49 PM

You and the kids going may work... DD and I have taken a couple of trips together as have DH and DS...

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:53 PM
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I think you are being honest.  And that is a GOOD thing.  I would probably feel the same way as well. 

  The posters before me mentioned taking the kids on the trip so you don't totally lose out on a vacation or the money, I think that's a good idea too.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:46 PM
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Whenever DH and I get into those kind of fights I threaten to hit him with a loaf of bread. It dates back to the time my dad was being pissy with everyone because DH's submarine was coming in early so I was making arrangements to take myself, dd, cat and turtle back home earlier than planned and he hated loosing at least me and dd. Mom finally hit him with a loaf of bread and told him to act his age. Now for both our families the threat of being hit with bread has come to be a warning that this fight is kind of silly and it's ok to feel how you feel but it's also ok for me to feel how I feel, now let's get down to the business of figuring out how we're going to deal with things like adults. For us, the threat causes laughter, relieves tension and lets us move on to solving the problem. Great ideas above on what the next step could be. You just need to figure out how to get him to talk about it.
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 6:05 PM

most employers are understanding of previous obligations with new hires, as long as they are up front about it. has he tried talking to the new employer and saying "hey my family has this trip planned and it's not refundable, can I get those days off? the worst they can say is no

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 6:17 PM
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You are not being selfish. He is being childish.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I get why you are feeling the way you do, and I think we all would feel this way if we were in the same boat. 

Maybe he can still take the job and explain that he has a prepaid family vacation.  Some employers understand stuff like this.

by Dawn on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:36 AM
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Does he really want the job? Sounds like a childish reaction over something so expensive. Not doing cartwheels? All trips cost a lot of money, and I can understand your concern about losing a lot of money like that. I can't understand him not taking a job over your concern of losing a lot of money. Does he know the cost at stake?

I agree that you should go and take the trip. I'm not sure how your relationship works, or his age, but in my 10 yrs with hubby, I would never tolerate a tantrum like that. I ignore him if he acts that, which he did a couple times at the beginning, not since.

Good luck.
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