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Asperger's as a Teenager

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:23 PM
  • 5 Replies

Hello Moms! Not sure if anyone out there needs help with their Aspie, but I have a 13 yr old Apsie boy who is delightful but full of challenges still. He was diagnosed at 4 so its been fun fun fun! I read and have read a lot and consider it my specialty!

If ever you need advice from a mom who has dealt with the following, let me know!

1. Temper tantrums for an older child!

2.  Aspies trying out new language to be "cool"

3.  Aspies and technology

4.  Aspies and bullying

5.  Aspies and cyberbullying

6. Aspies and social networking

7. Aspies and information overload


Always an Aspie's mom!

Stephy

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:23 PM
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Replies (1-5):
ROGUEM
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:33 PM

Thank you for this post.  My son is turning 12 and I know I could use some advise. If you don't mind I will send you an invite. Our issues we are dealing with are talking back, social networking, and bullying.  I would love to hear any information your take on developing a good social network.

Thanks again.

stephyo
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 9:30 AM

Absolutely! It is my absolute pleasure. I LOVE Aspergers for some reason. I think perhaps its because of my angel. Girl when he was diagnosed I was the only one in the family that took the time and patience to read and apply to help him. Everybody else just didnt want to take the time or effort. But, we have a bond like nothing else. Well his brother too. His brother is 2 yrs older and has the heart of a lion when it comes to his little brother. He shares everything with him including his friends to help him socialize better.

What has worked for me with my son's temper (as we know can be super strong with Aspies) is to give him the control. As most Aspies are of superior intellect, I make contracts and give him the decisions to make with my consequences for him to choose from. We had a 3 month bout with anger (because of puberty testosterones i think) and I just gave him all of his options to choose how he would prefer to deal with things when he had outburts or problems. It worked wonders.

Not sure what your specific challenges are, but I would love to be here for you guys.

I think importantly too we have to realize that we need to use their strengths to overcome their weaknesses. My son's strengths are his intellect, his willingness to fit in, his love for me and his family, his dedication to always being the best (perfectionist all the way) and his want to never be bored.

Please dont ever think that I am over simplifying it. It has taken some trying times for me to learn and sometimes I wonder about what will happen when he goes to high school. Testosterones and uber high at 16 etc and there are older boys that already try to pick on because he is "weird", but I pray and read and try to be prepared.

If you would ever like to talk, just let me know and I will send you my contact info. :)

Stephy

JSD24
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:57 AM

 DD turns 15 tomorrow.  She was diagnosed in middle school.  She had an ADHD diagnosis at age 5 but it didn't fit her symptoms very well.  Aspergers make a lot more sense.  She has chores and some need to be done timely.  She wants to do all things on her terms.  Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Specifically, she also has incontinence.  She wets and soils herself.  IMHO, when this happens, she needs to immediately stop what she's doing and change as well as dealing with cleaning her clothes.  (She's been to doctors and they say this is all behavioral.)  She'll leave her wet and/or soiled clothes in the bathroom sink.  It smells.  This is the bathroom she shares with her brothers.  It's not fair to the rest of us to have to be looking at and smelling her clothes when they use that bathroom.  I took away all TV and electronics with the last time this happened (Thursday night).  It's yet to be taken care of.  I've had the bathroom door closed with the fan running to keep the odor in the bathroom.  She also has ODD, so I'm limited with consequences.  My plan is to withhold all electronics and TV for as long as it takes for her to clean her clothes plus as long as I've had to wait for her to do it.  (If she waits an hour to clean them she looses electronics for 2 hours; if she waits a day, then she looses for 2 days.)  I'm at a loss as to what will motivate her.

stephyo
by on Jul. 12, 2011 at 11:36 AM

Sounds like she is trying to force the issue of NOT becomming a teenager. Often they push back by leaving their problems unadressed because socially they are behind. What I have done with my son is this:

When he refuses to meet the goals of his specific age (for instance handling chores), I give him a list of what I want for him to do. Then if he does not do the things, I give him another list of appropriate punishments (electronics taken away, dishes every night, cat litter box duty etc.). He dreads picking out punishments so the list helps him visualy see what he has to do.

If the issue is anger or temper tantrums and he will not listen to what I need for him to do, I make a list of all of the issues that we have had in a 30 day period. I explain that its a problem that should be addressed and again give him a list of possible solutions. For instance, we can go to have a family discussion with the school counselor, have a discussion with a family counselor, or have a discussion with authories about why he should respect what I ask of him.

Now because my son is superior intellect I also make him write essays to go along with whatever is problematic. I make him do the 5 paragraph essay no matter what the topic is. I will help him with the content that I expect sometimes, but by Asperger's writing things, they absorb like spnges so it brings the issues home and to the rule position versus just us wanting them to behave a certain way. They like to know the WHYs versus just the "because I said so".

Not sure if this will help. ??

Stephy

puzzledBR
by on Jul. 13, 2011 at 12:54 AM
Wow!! My 12 yr old aspie is the same way. Things have to be perfect or he can't handle it..
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